Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
YES, I could certainly see how your question could have been perceived as belittling. Even the "yo mamma" as opposed to "your mother" seems condescending. If I was assigned to an unfamiliar unit as a CNA and the RN that i'm working with, that has the authority to potentially jeopardize my employment so gracefully "welcomed me" with such a tasteless introduction, I would feel the need to protect myself as well as my job in the case that I may fall victim to future tasteless comments or incident's. You should show more professionalism and tact while on the job. The fact that YOU mentioned the (Race card) shows how insensitive and perhaps racist u are and that there may have in fact been malice behind your "question". A Guilty conscience will speak volumes.
Instead of trying to victimize yourself, realize that you are wrong, which I think u may know how wrong u were since u felt the URGE to apologize. I just hope u don't speak that way to your patients.
I will not visit this thread again, so for those who wish to blast my honesty, continue
So, because not everyone gave you the sympathy and concern you were expecting, you're taking your indignation and going home?
Sorry, not sorry, Snowflake. You brought it up in a public forum, you actually got a bit lost in all the cross talk (because you weren't very vocal in the topic that YOU started), and once you scanned the responses and realized public opinion wasn't on your side, you got pissed. That's called life, and no matter what your parents told you, not everyone believes that you're the most important thing in it.
The first thing we learned about in nursing school was "Cultural Competence" and how to do a cultural self assessment to make sure you don't offend anyone of different cultures. Clearly you missed that part of class or maybe you just didn't pay attention.
Anyway maybe your comment was insensitive to her. Some things are just meant to be kept to yourself because once they are said they can never be taken back.
Oh yay, this is one of those days where we get to argue about everything
Or become educated. Your pick.
To me, a colorful person means someone who is erratic or out there. A person of color denotes ethnicity, not personality.
It just sounded odd that you were using the terms as though they were interchangeable when they are not.
And if you want to get deeper, calling a person of African descent "colored" instead of a person of color will net you different reactions in many places.
English is a tough language, but knowing the power of semantics can easily turn a negative statement into a positive or a respectful one and vice versa.
To me, a colorful person means someone who is erratic or out there. A person of color denotes ethnicity, not personality.
It just sounded odd that you were using the terms as though they were interchangeable when they are not.
And if you want to get deeper, calling a person of African descent "colored" instead of a person of color will net you different reactions in many places.
English is a tough language, but knowing the power of semantics can easily turn a negative statement into a positive or a respectful one and vice versa.
My "friends of color" giggle a little when I tell them they're colorful. Not everything needs to be taken seriously. I would not walk up to a random person and call them colorful.
I mean, I don't know how you said it but it doesn't sound offensive to me. Before I was a nurse I was an MA/FOA in a pediatric clinic and I would always ask how they came up with that name, how did they say it, etc. People name their children some god-awful names. I maybe only had someone take offense to it a couple times....
On the other end, my name is not difficult but it is somewhat unique. I have people ask how to say my name all the time. What drives me crazy is when I've told you 10 times how to say and spell my name correctly and it is still said or spelled incorrectly.
You could have worded your question differently. Don't be offended that people are calling you rude. Make this as a learning opportunity to be better next time.
I am black with a rather unique, eastern European name. I get questions and compliments all the time. I would not have reported you to HR, but I am side-eyeing the hell out of your "racist card and easily offended" comment in the OP. That speaks more volumes about you than the "your momma" line which was also rude and tasteless.
My advice? Apologize and be a little more tactful and thoughtful going forward. If someone I didn't know had made a comment or asked a question like that to me, my view of them would be tainted.
I wouldn't apologize. She went to HR behind her back. I would just cut off any communication and use the my aide/tech line. What did she expect HR would do? Fire her? A person like that has no spine when it comes to being considerate of someone's livelihood not just little hurt feelings.
My view on a person like that would be tainted as well. You got a problem? Talk to the person, don't go running to "momma".
I wouldn't apologize. She went to HR behind her back. I would just cut off any communication and use the my aide/tech line. What did she expect HR would do? Fire her? A person like that has no spine when it comes to being considerate of someone's livelihood not just little hurt feelings.
My view on a person like that would be tainted as well. You got a problem? Talk to the person, don't go running to "momma".
Two wrongs don't make a right. The woman running to HR still doesn't make the OP's comment any less rude and tactless.
We in the south do not consider Oklahoma to be a "southern" state; it is considered to be Mid-West, regardless where it actually sits on the map! And believe me, Reba is country, and that is NOT the same as southern! Anyway, I was referring to Sinkyhead's post. I see so many false assumptions about the south!
Well seeing as how my ENTIRE family is from Mississippi I think I can vouch for "momma" being the way many southerners refer to their mothers.
keeponPUSHING
81 Posts
YES, I could certainly see how your question could have been perceived as belittling. Even the "yo mamma" as opposed to "your mother" seems condescending. If I was assigned to an unfamiliar unit as a CNA and the RN that i'm working with, that has the authority to potentially jeopardize my employment so gracefully "welcomed me" with such a tasteless introduction, I would feel the need to protect myself as well as my job in the case that I may fall victim to future tasteless comments or incident's. You should show more professionalism and tact while on the job. The fact that YOU mentioned the (Race card) shows how insensitive and perhaps racist u are and that there may have in fact been malice behind your "question". A Guilty conscience will speak volumes.
Instead of trying to victimize yourself, realize that you are wrong, which I think u may know how wrong u were since u felt the URGE to apologize. I just hope u don't speak that way to your patients.