Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
Here's the thing: English-speaking Caucasians in the U.S. are notoriously unwilling - or unable - to step outside our cultural comfort zone. People of color are expected to put in the effort needed to keep us comfortable. We become aggrieved and offended when they decline to do so, especially when it was our own ignorance that created the problem.
Do I think that the OP was deliberately, consciously mocking her co-workers name? Nope - at least not as the incident was described in the OP. She did, however, display an astonishing ignorance of the derision aimed at African American culture and the pain that causes. I'm impressed that she at least made an effort to figure out what went wrong. Most people, especially those who claim to be "color-blind", don't even admit they might just have been wrong.
Do I think the co-worker was being "oversensitive"? Possibly - but so is every survivor of abuse or trauma. She clearly misread the OPs intent. She was also clearly "triggered" and sought support where she could. Why should she be responsible for "understanding" the OPs ignorance and Southern ways. What, exactly, is she supposed to do with her own pain or anger? It's not her responsibility to educate her co-worker. Nor is it her job to "grin and bear it" for the sake of not making a scene.
Becoming aware of unconscious racism is emotionally risky business. Who is responsible for doing that emotional work - the one who got hurt or the one who did the hurting, albeit unintentionally?
I had a person asked if my first name was my birth name. I responded that my first name was unique in my country in 1980s, but today. She then started demanding to check my other identifications other than my driver license. If I wanted to get her in trouble, I was capable of doing so because it was considered a harassment. Take note, she wasn't a cop, FBI, or anybody that was entitled to ask all of my documents.
Omg a "black sounding name"?!?!? Wow. Please, explain what a "black sounding name"sounds like? I have met a Caucasian girl name Shalisa. And a black girl name Jessica. Would you guess their races based off their names?? A name is a name. Some are ridiculous yes, made the race has nothing to do with it. Who is the chic that named her daughter "Apple" that's her right. Yes unique, maybe silly. *** does race have to do with it? OP could have easily offended the Caucasian girl I know named Shalisa. (Bc the way OP asked was somewhat rude or direct rather) Would you say she pulled the race card? No. How about we all just think before we speak. We are nurses. We are not supposed to judge. Geeeeeeez
It seems language is a minefield when it comes to the races. I can imagine myself asking a co-worker about their unusual name with absolutely zero malice. Even using the word "momma" because I'm from the south. I find myself avoiding people of color because I don't know what I can and can't say. THAT action appears racist. How can you win?
Here's the thing: English-speaking Caucasians in the U.S. are notoriously unwilling - or unable - to step outside their cultural comfort zone. A person of color
This is a horrible generalization that is just propagating the problem.
My previous post suffered from fat-finger syndrome, although the first sentence pretty much says it. I edited it in order to presentl my rationale and apply it to the incident in the OP. I wouldn't necessarily expect it to change your mind. But it does give my POV a little more accurately than an accidental sound bite.
HR departments typically have a set protocol to follow when investigating employee reports such as described by the OP. If they feel one is warranted based on the presenting details of the report, an investigation can and may have already been launched. As long as no witnesses can support the accuser's assertion that your behavior was clearly racist, there really is not much HR can do to you. Whenever a situation is "he said, she said," their hands generally are tied.
Remember, HR is just as concerned about protecting your rights as an employee and action(s) you may take in response to their handling of the situation as they are with accommodating the accusing party. If your account on here has been accurate and comprehensive, I do not see how you can be charged with anything. The most I would expect is a brief discussion and perhaps a sit down with the two of you together with a member of HR (and possibly your respective managers) to discuss the matter so that it can be brought to a resolution.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Omg a "black sounding name"?!?!? Wow. Please, explain what a "black sounding name"sounds like?
I'm a black female with a 'mainstream' two-syllable first name that is similar to Kelly, Carrie or Lindsay. There's no need to become testy when someone mentions 'black-sounding names' (Tameka, Tanesha, Aisha, Jamal, Raheim, Malik, etc) as long as they aren't poking fun at the names.
The reality is that some names are black-sounding because black people in America are more likely to receive these names than members of other racial/ethnic backgrounds. It is what it is.
Yes, I've met white females named Egypt, Keisha, LaQueena, and so forth. Yes, many black people are named Jennifer, Jessica, Joseph, and so on. However, some names are associated with certain races, ethnicities and subcultures. Again, it is what it is.
I responded that my first name was unique in my country in 1980s, but today. She then started demanding to check my other identifications other than my driver license. If I wanted to get her in trouble, I was capable of doing so because it was considered a harassment. Take note, she wasn't a cop, FBI, or anybody that was entitled to ask all of my documents.
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heron, ASN, RN
4,661 Posts
Here's the thing: English-speaking Caucasians in the U.S. are notoriously unwilling - or unable - to step outside our cultural comfort zone. People of color are expected to put in the effort needed to keep us comfortable. We become aggrieved and offended when they decline to do so, especially when it was our own ignorance that created the problem.
Do I think that the OP was deliberately, consciously mocking her co-workers name? Nope - at least not as the incident was described in the OP. She did, however, display an astonishing ignorance of the derision aimed at African American culture and the pain that causes. I'm impressed that she at least made an effort to figure out what went wrong. Most people, especially those who claim to be "color-blind", don't even admit they might just have been wrong.
Do I think the co-worker was being "oversensitive"? Possibly - but so is every survivor of abuse or trauma. She clearly misread the OPs intent. She was also clearly "triggered" and sought support where she could. Why should she be responsible for "understanding" the OPs ignorance and Southern ways. What, exactly, is she supposed to do with her own pain or anger? It's not her responsibility to educate her co-worker. Nor is it her job to "grin and bear it" for the sake of not making a scene.
Becoming aware of unconscious racism is emotionally risky business. Who is responsible for doing that emotional work - the one who got hurt or the one who did the hurting, albeit unintentionally?