I got reported to HR

Published

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...

The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.

About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)

Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?

It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!

Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

Well if you're not close with her I guess she could've taken offense to what you said. I would've asked her in a different way, but that's just me. If you have no marks on your record at work, I'm sure you will be ok.

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What was wrong with asking if her name was a birth name or not (if that's what you meant)? What you said was rude. And if you can't see how it was and have chalked it up to someone being offended too easily, you absolutely should be worried.

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The racist card?

You're telling on yourself.

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The racist card?

You're telling on yourself.

Okay! That's what I get for trying the internet for advice. I would defend myself but that'll just continue on and on. I'll just deal with this on my own. Thanks anyways everybody.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

Yeah, the racist comment was a bit much. I'm sure HR just has to talk to you about what happened.

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Specializes in ICU.

People can be really sensitive about unusual names sometimes, or even normal names with unusual spellings. If I am curious about a name's origin, I'll say something like, "What's the story behind your name? It's really unique." Asking about someone's name is one of those things that you have to be really careful about, especially if the person you're asking is of a different race and the name in question is ethnic.

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I would not have said that to anyone I barely knew.

That's weird, the verbiage... "Your momma" (yo momma?) that's usually followed by an insult... So I'm not sure how you're failing to see how this could be taken negatively.

Honestly that would have made me uncomfortable. I wouldn't have reported you, but I certainly see where he's coming from.

How about "that's unique, is that your full name?"

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Specializes in ER.

Your wording does sound odd. I'm assuming from your post that this gal has a 'black' sounding name? I'm referring to some of the creative names unique to that community.

She might be quite sensitive about her unusual name. Some parents of all races get too creative. She might have been teased in the past.

Then you throw in the minefield of race relations. I learned a long time ago to tread very carefully. Some folks take offense very easily, it's not worth the risk.

Of course, her running to HR sounds like a total overreaction. But you could have avoided the whole thing by being more careful.

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Op, I am sorry that this happened to you. I really try not to get up close and personal with anyone at the nurses station. Personal questions no matter what the intent can and do get misinterpreted a lot.

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I am African American and have an African name that is very unique. Ppl of all races ask me often "where did your parents find that name? It's very UNIQUE". I don't take offense to it at all.

Some people are quite sensitive when it comes to their name. The whole "your momma" and all of that may have made her think you were mocking her. I think she should have spoken with you first before HR.

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The way you went about it can sound offensive to someone with a different culture background, that's all.

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