Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
OP, you may not be aware that non-biblical "made-up" names are a frequent means of racist mockery, like bug eyes, blackface, eating watermelon. It's made fun of as very ignorant and "ghetto".
Since the vast majority of English speaking people here have names sourced from the bible - some religious sects require it - it's normal to be curious about how a different name came to be. I believe she misunderstood the intent of your question.
I don't think asking is completely inappropriate but your tone of voice or phrasing may have been considered rude.
I'm black and people always ask about my name. I don't have a popular name but it also isn't a made-up, unheard of name. I can say that it DOES get old being asked where your name came from. I wouldn't report someone for asking but some people are sensitive about certain things (name, weight, hair, disability, clothing etc).
Honestly, I don't care about the origin of someone's name whether it be unique or not.
WOW. I was born and raised in Alabama, and I get offended when people assume we southerners must not know how to talk properly, or that if something is said wrong, that person must be from the south. Just wow.
I'm from the North but have watched interviews with people from the South who use Momma/Mamma when speaking about their mother. Reba McIntyre (from OK) came to my mind immediately as she speaks about her parents as Momma and Daddy in her book and in tv interviews.
Maybe the OP is from the South and this is just how she refers to Mothers. There is nothing about it that says that she is less than intelligent or speaks poorly at all.
My immediate and extended family (both sides) say Mum not Mom as we are Southern Irish/Scottish and that's what we've heard for generations.
We in the south do not consider Oklahoma to be a "southern" state; it is considered to be Mid-West, regardless where it actually sits on the map! And believe me, Reba is country, and that is NOT the same as southern! Anyway, I was referring to Sinkyhead's post. I see so many false assumptions about the south!
I can imagine why you thought the remark was not offensive and I can imagine why the recipient thought it was. Would have been nice if she had called you on it so that you two could have a discussion about why she felt you were inappropriate, as opposed to running to a supervisor to report you.
For when you are the recipient of questions that you think are rude or none of the questioner's business, I always go back to Ann Landers' advice. "Why do you ask?" That usually (not always) stops people in their tracks and makes them re-evaluate whether they should be asking the question.
I always go back to Ann Landers' advice. "Why do you ask?"
That is a great response because I would imagine that if OP had said "its very pretty and I was just wondering how it came about" or something similar the outcome would have been very different.
I would not have said that to anyone I barely knew.
That's weird, the verbiage... "Your momma" (yo momma?) that's usually followed by an insult... So I'm not sure how you're failing to see how this could be taken negatively.
Honestly that would have made me uncomfortable. I wouldn't have reported you, but I certainly see where he's coming from.
How about "that's unique, is that your full name?"
The issue here is... the tone and context of the question is not possible to understand.
YOU are changing the verbiage to yo momma.. from your momma and making it into an insult.
Not helpful, no wonder the OP has left the building.
I had a very unique name which I had legally changed. I was sick and tired of people asking me questions about my name. People with unique names know they're different and it gets old when people are constantly asking about it or mispronouncing it even when you tell them the correct pronunciation. I wouldn't have reported you to HR but I would have been extremely offended about the way you asked about the origin of her name. Even if she does call her mom "momma" in a professional environment she may use "mother" or "mom" instead. It's the same as a Caucasian personal jokingly saying "girl" or "girlfriend" to an African American. The African American may use this term (as well as other races) but not in a work/professional environment. Sounds like the OP may need some diversity training.
Bad move on your part. I don't joke around with people at work like this. It is a stressful environment as it is. Even if you didn't offend her, you could have offended someone who was listening. Why couldn't you just work and go home? Too much mingling and joking around goes on at work. Your behavior was very childish and inconsiderate tbh. You will know better next time I hope. I am the kind of person who goes into work and gets the job done. I don't play around with people because I am too focused and working hard. I also don't want to run the risk of offending someone like you did. Outside of work behave how you like but you won't have the protection of the work environment so be careful. One other thing is I don't think it was necessary for the nurse to go to HR but she did it to put you in your place. It was probably better for her to do that than go off on you and cause a hostile work environment. You are white and you brought up the fact that she is black. Just so you know there are some black people that feel a certain type of way about white people. Not all blacks like white people just like, not all whites like black people. It is what it is.
OrganizedChaos, LVN
1 Article; 6,883 Posts
I'm from Texas & the "did your momma..." comment is very off putting to me.