Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
It's not what you said it is how you said it....and quite frankly it is none of your business who named her.....you should never go there with anything like ....Your Momma ....what ever....you did not know her like that....she wasn't your friend just your associate ...from now on keep it professional with coworkers who aren't your chitchat friend then you won't encounter problems about offending....just saying what I am saying!
This turned out to be a better discussion than I thought.
I'll throw in some things that people asked.
- This was my first and only time working with this tech. She was a resource tech. And I stated exactly what happened (I have no reason to lie on the internet, no other interactions were made)
- I'll be blunt here - her name was UNIQUE, but a name that would have fit a person of any color (I also feel like no matter how I word this it'll offend someone)
- I understand the way I said it could've been worded better, and that I probably should've said it a different way to someone I didn't know well... but I still feel like it was RIDICULOUS to go to HR over this. Especially after the fact that she told me she thought it was rude and I apologized to her. She really wants to get me fired over saying this to her?
Anyways, thanks anyone who contributed. I did learn a lesson in that you have to watch what you say to everyone. I guess my treating everyone like they're your best friend attitude is going to get me in trouble.
This turned out to be a better discussion than I thought.
I'll throw in some things that people asked.
- This was my first and only time working with this tech. She was a resource tech. And I stated exactly what happened (I have no reason to lie on the internet, no other interactions were made)
- I'll be blunt here - her name was UNIQUE, but a name that would have fit a person of any color (I also feel like no matter how I word this it'll offend someone)
- I understand the way I said it could've been worded better, and that I probably should've said it a different way to someone I didn't know well... but I still feel like it was RIDICULOUS to go to HR over this. Especially after the fact that she told me she thought it was rude and I apologized to her. She really wants to get me fired over saying this to her?
Anyways, thanks anyone who contributed. I did learn a lesson in that you have to watch what you say to everyone. I guess my treating everyone like they're your best friend attitude is going to get me in trouble.
I do not believe she can have you fired over an incident like this if the human resources department acts in appropriate manner. Well I hope you learned your lesson , your momma can actually have racial undertones to it , so I would tread lightly moving forward. When I'm in the work place, I try to keep it professional and stay away from emotionally charged topics in order to avoid unnecessary conflict.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
I'm a black female, and while I do not have a stereotypically black-sounding name, I see how the tech might have interpreted the comment as mockery.
A person can become hyper-sensitive when the stereotypical aspects associated with his/her race (fried chicken, watermelon, big butts, thick lips, unique names, speech patterns) are regularly mocked, questioned, or outright marginalized.
In addition, constantly being told something you already know is tiring and annoying. While I was born and bred in the US and have never been anywhere else, I'm frequently asked about my unique speech patterns. People will tell me, "You have a funny accent!" I'll respond, "So do you! You have a twangy Texas drawl and it sounds funny!"
On occasion, I have been told by both blacks and whites that I sound like a white person because I speak proper English. I find this offensive because the person is indirectly saying that proper English is not associated with black people.
Depending on where the OP lives, using the term "momma" is not weird..many Southerns, myself included, use this verbiage when referring to our own parent or when talking to someone else about their parent.
I have always had an interest in given and surname names' meanings and practices. (Google is your best friend here!)
I will, on occasion, ask the meaning of a name.
I only ask if I have a comfortable and amicable relationship with that person and thought they might be open to being asked.
I have never thought to ask 'who named you?' to someone. I kind of scratch my head at that part. What does that matter in general to anyone? It is way too personal, particularly if you have just met that person.
I would not have said that to anyone I barely knew.
That's weird, the verbiage... "Your momma" (yo momma?) that's usually followed by an insult... So I'm not sure how you're failing to see how this could be taken negatively.
Honestly that would have made me uncomfortable. I wouldn't have reported you, but I certainly see where he's coming from.
How about "that's unique, is that your full name?"
I agree. Whenever "your mother" or worse, "your momma" is brought into a remark, the person is usually trying to make a weak joke, criticize you for something, or is trying to insult you and/or mom.
That being said, I believe that your intentions were innocent, but unfortunately your delivery is what got you in hot water. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt myself.
Apologize for any offense you may have caused, and be a little more mindful of how you phrase things...especially around this coworker as she'll probably be more sensitive to what you say, at least for a while. And don't beat yourself up forever, nor let others keep flogging you over it. We all make mistakes.
Qteapi
100 Posts
It's not what you said it is how you said it....and quite frankly it is none of your business who named her.....you should never go there with anything like ....Your Momma ....what ever....you did not know her like that....she wasn't your friend just your associate ...from now on keep it professional with coworkers who aren't your chitchat friend then you won't encounter problems about offending....just saying what I am saying!