Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...
The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.
About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)
Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?
It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!
Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.
I am not seeing how "your momma" can be derogatory or disrespectful.
I have coworker of all different nationalities, who, either know my mom from her rehab, or know that I take care of my mom, ask "How's your momma?" or "How's momma?" There is nothing wrong with the way they are asking it.
At a number of different times during the work day, I may get addressed as "Momma", "Girlfriend", "The Nurse", "My Boss", or any other names, except for my own. Do I find it disrespectful? No. It is that my coworkers are taking a familiarity with me, and I am okay with that.
Maybe that is why this young lady became upset. You were taking a familiarity with her that she didn't like, or understand. I don't think it was a reportable to HR incident, but then, I am not her, and obviously, she thought different.
This is why I no longer will work in a hospital. Everyone is offended 24/7. That includes patients, workers, ect. I would start looking for a job the minute I was reported to HR as I know how these things often turn out. I am sure the OP was not meaning to be racist but it does not matter. Someone FELT that it was racist and therefore it was reported. HR cannot take a chance on a lawsuit therefore the person will be let go. Simple as that. No one will deal with the potential of a lawsuit today. I would dust off the resume, like yesterday!
Be aloof and do not speak to this person unless the workplace absolutely demands it. You can't trust her to deal with things like a professional adult, not when she's already demonstrated how she handles things. if she thought it was inappropriate she should have corrected you on the spot. That I can respect, but running to HR like a tattle tale gets the cut direct from me.
It seems language is a minefield when it comes to the races. I can imagine myself asking a co-worker about their unusual name with absolutely zero malice. Even using the word "momma" because I'm from the south. I find myself avoiding people of color because I don't know what I can and can't say. THAT action appears racist. How can you win?
It seems language is a minefield when it comes to the races. I can imagine myself asking a co-worker about their unusual name with absolutely zero malice. Even using the word "momma" because I'm from the south. I find myself avoiding people of color because I don't know what I can and can't say. THAT action appears racist. How can you win?
It seems language is a minefield when it comes to the races. I can imagine myself asking a co-worker about their unusual name with absolutely zero malice. Even using the word "momma" because I'm from the south. I find myself avoiding people of color because I don't know what I can and can't say. THAT action appears racist. How can you win?
What does that say about where we are?
I'm Caucasian and have several colorful friends...I've worked with several deeper skinned ladies....I've taken care of several elderly, colorful people. I've never encountered a problem. My thinking is that if you go in expecting there to be a problem, there probably will be a problem.
For the OP, I sincerely believe you were not trying to be rude. But hey, count it as a lesson learned. Next time say something like, "Wow, what a unique and pretty name...what's the history behind it?"
I am black with a rather unique, eastern European name. I get questions and compliments all the time. I would not have reported you to HR, but I am side-eyeing the hell out of your "racist card and easily offended" comment in the OP. That speaks more volumes about you than the "your momma" line which was also rude and tasteless.
My advice? Apologize and be a little more tactful and thoughtful going forward. If someone I didn't know had made a comment or asked a question like that to me, my view of them would be tainted.
I'm Caucasian and have several colorful friends...I've worked with several deeper skinned ladies....I've taken care of several elderly, colorful people. I've never encountered a problem. My thinking is that if you go in expecting there to be a problem, there probably will be a problem.
For the OP, I sincerely believe you were not trying to be rude. But hey, count it as a lesson learned. Next time say something like, "Wow, what a unique and pretty name...what's the history behind it?"
Colorful people? Ha! People of color and colorful people are two different terms, in case you didn't realize.
It seems language is a minefield when it comes to the races. I can imagine myself asking a co-worker about their unusual name with absolutely zero malice. Even using the word "momma" because I'm from the south. I find myself avoiding people of color because I don't know what I can and can't say. THAT action appears racist. How can you win?
What does that say about where we are?
And I avoid all white people because they are racist trigger-happy people looking to shoot a person of color....
Do you realize how ridiculous and offensive you sound?
I will not visit this thread again, so for those who wish to blast my honesty, continue
Being honest and just being plain ignorant and racist are two different things.
It saddens me that in 2015 we still have people with your mentality still walking among us.
The world is a beautiful place full of amazing cultures and people. If you want to live in an all-white world where people of color don't exist, then I feel sorry for you as I would feel sorry for anyone who would dismiss someone solely based on the color of their skin and not the content of their character.
ClearBlueOctoberSky
370 Posts
I am not seeing how "your momma" can be derogatory or disrespectful.
I have coworker of all different nationalities, who, either know my mom from her rehab, or know that I take care of my mom, ask "How's your momma?" or "How's momma?" There is nothing wrong with the way they are asking it.
At a number of different times during the work day, I may get addressed as "Momma", "Girlfriend", "The Nurse", "My Boss", or any other names, except for my own. Do I find it disrespectful? No. It is that my coworkers are taking a familiarity with me, and I am okay with that.
Maybe that is why this young lady became upset. You were taking a familiarity with her that she didn't like, or understand. I don't think it was a reportable to HR incident, but then, I am not her, and obviously, she thought different.