I got reported to HR

[katie92]

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to post this somewhere to rant... because I can't mention this to any coworkers...

The other day, we had a resource tech/aid on our floor, who was African american with a unique name. And while we were all sitting around the nurses station talking, I said to her "Did your momma name you xxxxxxxx", in which she replied "No my grandma did" -- the only reason I asked this question was because I was curious if the name was a birth name or nick name.

About half an hour later, she told me that she thought what I said was rude to her. She walked away and I followed a minute later and apologized (for what? I don't know, still did anyways)

Today, I found out she reported me to HR for this incident. I don't know whether I should be worried or not because I almost find this ridiculous... and at the same time, if she's playing the racist card and HR is making the decision about it, not my unit director... I could be long gone already?

It's sad that you can offend someone so easily over something so small or innocent. I'm genuinely the kindest person, always helping out and trying to make people laugh! I said this in a total non-malicious way and everyone around us was aware of that. I'm almost angry at the fact she went to HR because there is no way in heck she actually thinks I was trying to be mean!

Should I be worried? Do you find what I said completely inappropriate?It's sad that the lesson I learned is you can't talk to people you don't know I guess. I really enjoy working on my unit... I get along with all the staff so well. I'm just at loss for words right now.

[Libby1987]

It's a very odd question even without the yo and momma. Especially RN to floating tech in public.

[CrunchBerries]

It's a very odd question even without the yo and momma. Especially RN to floating tech in public.

Correction, she most certainly did NOT say "yo". People on this thread changed her words to "yo mama," when in reality she said Your Momma. Very typical southern phrase.

People in this thread are drama queens.

[Libby1987]

I know the yo was added, I was trying to clarify that even how it was actually stated without the yo it was an odd question.

Asking someone you don't know even casually, "Did your mom name you?" Odd.

We could all be the same race, weight and hair color and it would make me look sideways at someone asking float staff that question.

[Fractal-5]

Even disregarding the other elements of this situation, it's strange that the question was even asked. Who cares where the name comes from, or if it's a nickname? All I need to know is what you want me to call you while we are working together. This is a lesson learned,

OP, to mind your own business and just do your work.

[elijahvegas, ASN, RN, EMT-P]

Perhaps I am dating myself but so what....

So JimBob, JohnBoy, MaryEllen, Elizabeth, and all the others are little dirt bag bigots, right?

MANY people today refer to their mother's as Momma. It's a far better cry than what *I* think of when I think of my own mother.

You know, from what little I have seen of your posts so far you seem to enjoy slamming and insulting. You appear to have a very smug, better than thou attitude and honestly, from reading your posts I have no idea why you think you have earned such an attitude.

Have you ever thought of being nice? Supportive? Helpful? Thoughtful? Try it someday, you might just like it.

I dont know in the slightest, what you're talking about with that jimbob johnboy stuff..

I dont know how you call or refer to your mother, and i still dont see the relevance of that to this topic.

What most of us are wondering, putting race aside is, why would you ask THAT, in THAT way?? If you're curious to someone's name, why would you specifically reference their mother? And you even mentioned it yourself, it was NOT her mother that named her, but her grandmother, which in the end didn't yield the response that she wanted if she was trying to find out if that was a nickname. So that was a poor question selection all around.

So if JimBob, JohnBoy, MaryEllen, Elizabeth, and all the others want to know if thats my nickname, they shouldn't ask "who named you?"

It doesn't matter what your exact words are, all that matters is how they were received. And the bottom line of all of this is that, her words were received poorly. Something the OP said, wasn't what the other nurse heard. Would I have gone so far as to report to HR? Nah, I've got other things to worry about. But the other nurse obviously felt that there was something there enough to warrant giving them a visit. I'd love to offer some support here but I dont know what to say other than, unless the OP has had some problems in the past, HR will probably just put something in their file, and tell her to avoid such comments/behavior in the future (and should probably avoid that nurse altogether). Its kind of why i asked she returned and tell us how it went.

Side note: If you want to ignore the fact that the OP's second response was something to the effect of "Thats what i get for asking people on the internet for advice, I'll do this on my own" then be my guest, but if thats not a sign of her feeling attacked and bailing, i dont know what is.

[CrunchBerries]

I dont know in the slightest, what you're talking about with that jimbob johnboy stuff..

I dont know how you call or refer to your mother, and i still dont see the relevance of that to this topic.

What most of us are wondering, putting race aside is, why would you ask THAT, in THAT way?? If you're curious to someone's name, why would you specifically reference their mother? And you even mentioned it yourself, it was NOT her mother that named her, but her grandmother, which in the end didn't yield the response that she wanted if she was trying to find out if that was a nickname. So that was a poor question selection all around.

So if JimBob, JohnBoy, MaryEllen, Elizabeth, and all the others want to know if thats my nickname, they shouldn't ask "who named you?"

It doesn't matter what your exact words are, all that matters is how they were received. And the bottom line of all of this is that, her words were received poorly. Something the OP said, wasn't what the other nurse heard. Would I have gone so far as to report to HR? Nah, I've got other things to worry about. But the other nurse obviously felt that there was something there enough to warrant giving them a visit. I'd love to offer some support here but I dont know what to say other than, unless the OP has had some problems in the past, HR will probably just put something in their file, and tell her to avoid such comments/behavior in the future (and should probably avoid that nurse altogether). Its kind of why i asked she returned and tell us how it went.

Side note: If you want to ignore the fact that the OP's second response was something to the effect of "Thats what i get for asking people on the internet for advice, I'll do this on my own" then be my guest, but if thats not a sign of her feeling attacked and bailing, i dont know what is.

Heh..............

[OCNRN63, RN]

Even disregarding the other elements of this situation, it's strange that the question was even asked. Who cares where the name comes from, or if it's a nickname? All I need to know is what you want me to call you while we are working together. This is a lesson learned,

OP, to mind your own business and just do your work.

Well, I must be an awful person, because I have asked people the provenance of an unusual name. It's interesting to me to learn that someone's name came from their Irish/Greek/Italian/whatever family. When you have a boring name like I have, something unusual piques my interest.

It's sad that the harsh replies the OP received have run her off this board. That, to me, is far worse than what she said to her co-worker.

[Fractal-5]

Well, I must be an awful person, because I have asked people the provenance of an unusual name. It's interesting to me to learn that someone's name came from their Irish/Greek/Italian/whatever family. When you have a boring name like I have, something unusual piques my interest.

It's sad that the harsh replies the OP received have run her off this board. That, to me, is far worse than what she said to her co-worker.

I never said that she was awful. Until I know someone I don't inquire about personal details, even something innocuous. Clearly her coworker DID take issue with the question for whatever reason.

We only know what she is telling us about the situation and there are always two sides. When you post on an internet forum you are not always going to get the responses you like, but that doesn't mean the responses aren't helpful. This IS a lesson learned for her to be a little more prudent in the future and get to know people(also letting them get to know her) prior to becoming overly personal.