How would you have handled it -- (spinoff from the "customer service" thread)

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

This thread has reminded me of something that happened with one of my labors and something I always wondered, I don't want to make a new thread so I will just ask it here. I had a terrible L&D Exp. with my third son, not with the hospital but with family. To sum it up, my step mom is the only mom I consider to have, she is my best friend, we are super close, my husbands mother who is a wretched evil woman and my BIO mom who could be her twin sister, are very jealous over the relationship I have with my step mom. With all my children their are 2 people I wanted in the room when I actually had my children was my step mom and my husband. My step mom was the only person there wit my eldest, I wasn't with my husband yet and I was 16 and left an abusive B/F when I was still pregnant to go back and live at home. So anyway, with Son#2 I allowed MIL to be in the room as long as she wasn't DOWN there. I am a very modest person, even when pushing a kid out, which apparently is unheard of.

Well it wasn't until after I had him that MIL truly showed what a vile wench she was so obviously I did not want her in the room when it came time to have my third son. She could come in after and see him, I just didn't want her in DURING the pushing and stuff and when I was exposed. Same with my BIO mom who all of a sudden wanted to be involved after many years.

So my labor was not going very well because they were being total witches and being mean and rude to me and my step mom AT the hospital. I couldn't focus on labor because I was so upset and stressed over them. I handle pain well and do my breathing and stuff but I was making no progress and they had to stop the pitocin because it caused D Cells everytime they did it. My Dr. was sure it was because of all the stress and insisted I get an epidural, after I got one my labor progressed pretty fast. THANKFULLY when the guy came in to do my Epidural he made everyone leave but one person. I had my step mom stay and there were some of my L&D nurses in the room. My husband was mad at me that I didn't want his mom in the room and yea we almost got a divorce that day. So when they did the Epi, and everyone stepped outside I bursted out crying and told my mom and the nurses I didn't want anyone in the room when it came time to push but my step mom and husband. I was only allowing him in there because it's not like his childs birth is something he can get back.

I made this very clear, I mean I was sobbing uncontrollably because it finally all caught up to me and I know this wonderful expierance was being forever ruined by all this nonsense and drama. I had a 2 year old son at the time and NONE of the family was willing to watch him because they all felt they had a RIGHT to be in the room with me. My step mom would have but she is the one person I NEEDED with me. It was seriously a nightmare. So the the anastesiologist told me to calm down and consoled me and said I was the patient and if I didn't want anyone in the room to speak up and the nurses will handle it. They were standing right there. So I said, I only want my step mom and husband in the room when it's time to start pushing. They said ok.

So within 45 mins of getting the epi I dialated 5 cm and it was time, we were waiting for my Doc to get there and I looked at the nurses with a worried look waiting for them to ask everyone to leave because they wouldn't listen to me. My mom yelled at them to get out but they jumped up with "this baby is my blood and I have a right to be here more than you do" we couldn't wait any longer, the baby was coming so my mom yelled that all of them better get over in the corner and she held the sheet down to my knees so no one could see anything and I sat there crying in between pushes. So when I had my son, not only was my mom and step mom in the room, my MIL, My BIo mom and her B/F that I had met maybe Twice and my SIL and BIL were all in the room as well. Thankfully my step mom did a good job at keeping them from seeing anything but I am crying right now thinking about it all over again because it makes me so mad. After when everyone left to go fight in the hallway the nurses looked at me and said they were sorry but they have no right to ask anyone to leave. That they aren't allowed to.

The anastesologist in front of them clearly said that what I wanted in regards to visitors had to be followed.

So which is true??? Can RN's make visitors leave if it's what the PATIENT wants?

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

A new thread was made so that the original thread might not be derailed and so that you will get some answers to your question.

[lpnflorida]

Anyone on the team can request a visitor to leave the room. That would include an aide especially if that is the patient's wish. Your nurse dropped the ball as I see it.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Those nurses were totally out of line there. It was YOUR wishes that they should have followed. YOURS AND YOURS ONLY! I don't know how long it has been since this incident, but I would have written a letter to the CEO, the quality care manager, the unit manager and everyone else I could have thought of. It happened to you, but it will continue to happen to other women there until the managers know and can fix it.

Your story is sad, to me. And I'm sorry that it happened like that. It did not have to happen like that!

I'm not an L&D nurse, but I know darn well that if I was, those two witches would have been OUT OF THERE on your word. Just the fact that you felt strong enough about it that you were crying.. come on! I'd still write the letter, even if it has been a while since it happened.

[Batman24]

I get the feeling they really thought they weren't allowed to ask someone to leave especially as they apologized for it. It could be someone told them they aren't allowed to ask people to leave for the birth. Perhaps they were instructed to leave it to the patient. I'm not L&D but I do know we can ask people to leave the room when patient requests it and can even call security to have them removed. The way you are describing it security would need to be called here.

Before I wrote a letter reporting these nures I would call and ask to speak to the manager on their floor and get their feedback on what the policy is here. It could be the letter you need to write isn't to the management but about the management in order for them to correct their procedure here.

Word of advice for the future...it's your birth and what you say should go. I wouldn't have even let it get to the point of having to ask the nurses to do it for me. You need to set better boundaries for yourself. If you allow people like this to walk over you they will. And your hubby should be on board and see when it's your body you decide not him, MIL, etc. You. Period.

[chicookie, BSN, RN]

If I were your nurse I would have told them to leave, nicely of course. Who you want in your room is who you want in your room. In the short time I have been on the floor there have been times when I had to say this patient does NOT want you to be in the room, please wait outside. That is part of the nurses job a patient advocate but you also have to be an advocate for yourself. Like Batman 24 said you have to set boundaries for yourself and make sure the staff know before hand.

What a traumatic experience! :icon_hug:

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I can see why the nurses thought if they offended anyone by asking them to leave their jobs would be on the line. Management does not back up nursing.

I also think it was your call to make and anyone you didn't want in there should have been asked to leave. The easiest way to do that would be to call security as you were getting the epidural and have all but your step mom and husband escorted to another waiting area. They shuldn't have been allowed back into the room in the first place- births are unpredictable and an argument as you were pushing was just ridiculous.

Why didn't the physician step up as well? Usually if the doc tells family to do something they listen better than when a nurse requests it. docs have a little more authority with the public, and I wish they had used it in this case.

[LilyBlue]

I can see why the nurses thought if they offended anyone by asking them to leave their jobs would be on the line. Management does not back up nursing.

I also think it was your call to make and anyone you didn't want in there should have been asked to leave. The easiest way to do that would be to call security as you were getting the epidural and have all but your step mom and husband escorted to another waiting area. They shuldn't have been allowed back into the room in the first place- births are unpredictable and an argument as you were pushing was just ridiculous.

Why didn't the physician step up as well? Usually if the doc tells family to do something they listen better than when a nurse requests it. docs have a little more authority with the public, and I wish they had used it in this case.

All this.

As a nurse, i try to stay out of family drama unless the patient very specifically asks me to tell someone to leave right then. Then I usually call security. Nurses get NO backup from management regarding these situations, NONE. It's always the nurse's fault.

I have intervened in the past when a patient was shouting at/crying at her husband and having a huge fight in the room. I asked security to come escort him out. The patient went OFF at me saying that I had no right to do that. So, I just stay out of it now, barring the patient is demented, eldery, or can't speak for herself.

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

I would think that the L and D nurses would have dealt with this type of situation before. (my mother works in a womens hospital and the stories she tells..security is on standby alot). I think the doc could have steped it too or if the nurses didn't feel like they were able to make them leave..the doc could have stepped in again (we all know how the public sees docs as more of an authority over nurses)

[itsmyturn]

Hormones sure run rampant during birth don't they. I have no experience in this as a nurse, but as a mother I went through something very similar at my son's birth. It was between my mil and my mother. The mil just had to be in the middle of everything and my mother was there because she would not have my mil in there over her. I explained to them both that I only wanted my husband with me and they threw a fit. I started stressing bad but my nurse was great with it. She told both of them that she would follow my orders and if I wanted them to leave because they were upsetting me, then she would send them to the waiting room. She then looked at me and told me that it was my decision who was in the room but if she saw that my choices were affecting the health of me or my child she would step in and fix the environment for me...because that was her job to provide me with a stable, healthy environment. That was 20 yrs ago so times probably have changed but I fixed all the bs of people wanting to be a part of my delivery. My husband and I called everyone after the baby was born. It was a very peaceful delivery.

[RochesterRN-BSN, BSN, RN]

I have dealth with this as a L&D nurse in the past and deal with it a lot now as a psych nurse.......First of all.....so sad to hear that you were not protected. The nurses job is to be your advocate especially when you are in no condition to be dealing with that. Sorry but the posters here who think this was your problem to deal with....sorry I gotta disagree. A woman in labor should not be expected to carry on with this out of control behavior.......this is not good for her or the baby. As soon as I get a request from a patient to have anyone leave--regardless of their relationship to the patient--or the baby-- I head that. If I feel the patients well being is being comprimised I will ask the guest to leave. This is my job. This patient (and her baby) are my responsibility. Period. Not any one else-- Sorry.

Hell I can remember walking in to a new patients room at the start of a shift to find her there in horrible pain....tons of family and friends in the room, freakin Jerry Springer blaring from the TV, Pizza and wings, a party!! No one paying a bit of attention to the patient. Dad partying or sleeping in the corner!!! Unbelievable. Shoot. I would walk in Turn off the TV and say "Okay folks party is over here, we have a baby to get delivered and I need to be able to take care of my patient here. Two of you may stay but the rest of you need to go. This would be a good time to get some air, take a walk, find the cafeteria....I will keep you all posted on her progress, however I can't have a party in here right now......So where is your birthing parner, spouse.....oh sorry there sir but your wife here is about to deliver your baby, and she is in a lot a pain here so lets have you come on up here and be a part of this......"

That was a regular occurance.......if they gave me a hard time I simpy told them that I would be more then happy to call security to escort them out but I would hope I would not have to do this...they usually complyed....

In YOUR situation--hell I would have gotten security and taken all of them out in the hall and they would have heard it from me and it wouldn't have been pretty. I have no problem speaking up to family members who are making my patient upset and making things uncomfortable for him/her. None. That is my job. I can't imagine if the management know the details of what was going on in the room they would not have backed any complaints down the road. The fact that the doc was also backing this removal of the visitors is also on the nurses side. This ABSOLUTLEY should never have happened. These nurses did not do their job as far as I'm concerned. Posters here mention you needing to set more limits and stand up for yourself and that may be true but when in the middle of a labor and delivery!?!?! No this is not the time. Before? yes....After? yes....during? NOOOOOO.

I deal with patients visitors being a problem all the time in psych and have grown a very sturdy backbone and tough skin to deal with them over the years....I see this a part of my job. Period. I am here for my patients. period.

I would start this with a call to the manager to tell her breifly of what happened--that you had family that you specifically requested NOT be allowed in your room, that you were visibly upset and distraut and feel the staff did not provide the support you needed, risking you and your babies health and well being. Tell her you want to know if these nurses saying they are not allowed to interveen is acurate and what policies are in place. She will either take names and take care of this or say--oh yes this is a policy, sorry...this is when you go to the Director (an MD) of the department and if this doesn't help the Nursing director for the hospital, then the CEO. But like another poster said, they dropped the ball......don't you do the same. Put a stop to this.

Good luck to you and I hope you are enjoying your precious new baby!!!!! And that your 2 year old is too!!!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i'm with everyone who said that the nurses let you down; they should have asked the extraneous visitors to leave. however, i also agree that management never seems to back up the nursing staff. so i would have documented your request to have mom, bio-mom, bf and m-i-l leave and then asked them to leave. the thing is, though, that so many of our colleagues don't seem to think it's appropriate to ask visitors to leave, step out of our way, get out of our chair, whatever, so the nurse that does ask for the above soon becomes the "bad nurse". being the "bad nurse" gets old after awhile.