How to Deal with Staff Who Don't Like You?

Nurses General Nursing

Updated:   Published

how-do-you-deal-with-staff-who-dont-like-you.jpg.acb331564047e6235c30f93a777c84e2.jpg

I would work a certain floor and my buddy nurse would make side comments like, "Oh you're working today? She must be on vacation." Making side comments asking me why I'm working on that certain floor.

They are all nosy asking me how I managed to get the job there. Then I hear them commenting saying that how I get more shifts than nurses who are more senior than I am. To me I would not know. Am I the staffing clerk? Am I the Director of Care?

Not sure why they do not mind their own business. Literally, its like I did not know you were the boss and decided where I work.

I don't want to be mean, but I feel offended and not wanted when they ask me those questions. Questioning me as if I am a nobody. Now I'm not sure if its the way they were brought up. Most of those workers like that were not born in Canada they all went to nursing school outside Canada and just wrote their exam in Canada and were granted a license, cause I know most of the people I went to school with were disciplined and did not behave like that.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
22 hours ago, cynical-RN said:

In law and to a greater extent reasoning, there are concepts such as deductive/inductive logic that are used to establish, verify, or dismiss assertions through questioning. Once OP answers, hopefully, I can demonstrate the aforementioned concept/s. It’s the Socratic method. 

WOW! Inductive/deductive reasoning! I learned this concept in 1978 in a college literature class!

Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please, @cynical-RN, tell me more, tell me more!

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, Geriatrics, home infusion.
On 1/10/2021 at 2:15 PM, subee said:

It doesn't make Any Difference why they are behaving that way because one can never know.  When they are pleasant with you, respond accordingly.  When people are rude to you, just shake your head and walk away.  This method works with cats and dogs too.  Remember, we are just monkeys with attitude....nothing particularly attractive or special in the animal kingdom.  Some monkeys make great support animals and some will bite you in the nose after they ate the banana you gave them.

This is fantastic @subee ?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in retired LTC.

 

On ‎1‎/‎10‎/‎2021 at 2:15 PM, subee said:

It doesn't make Any Difference why they are behaving that way because one can never know.  When they are pleasant with you, respond accordingly.  When people are rude to you, just shake your head and walk away.  This method works with cats and dogs too.  Remember, we are just monkeys with attitude....nothing particularly attractive or special in the animal kingdom.  Some monkeys make great support animals and some will bite you in the nose after they ate the banana you gave them.

Great comment.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ACE.
On 1/7/2021 at 10:56 AM, Julie said:

@DribbleKing97  I am sorry this is happening at your workplace. 

If you are confident that you are doing a great job and you are not the problem, there is only so much you can do and it is all WITHIN you.  You can not change those around you.  But don't let their behavior take away your control of YOU.  You can change the way you react to them.  Use some positive mindfulness.  Try training your mind to think differently when they say these mean things to you.  Next time one of them makes one of these snide comments, use visualization in your head, to view that person as a weak animal trying to appear bigger and stronger than reality.  That might help you to just ignore their "mean" comments. 

If you do this over and over, you should become more proficient at your work and hopefully the remarks will soon become basically "mute".  This will allow you to focus on your important work and not on what co-workers are thinking.  Good luck to you.

appreciate it. im just a bit sensitive cause im not used to this kind of thing. im also not confrontational

15 hours ago, FolksBtrippin said:

Sounds like you don't like them.

So you're even. Just do your job and don't sweat it. If you don't want to answer a personal question, then don't. If they ask you why got that shift just shrug your shoulders. You don't have to attend to this stuff.

thats true. It's just that they are asking me and I got the shift because I requested that floor etc... and they are making a big deal out of it. I did nothing wrong to them

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired.
8 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:

appreciate it. im just a bit sensitive cause im not used to this kind of thing. im also not confrontational

thats true. It's just that they are asking me and I got the shift because I requested that floor etc... and they are making a big deal out of it. I did nothing wrong to them

You are still trying to defend yourself out of this one.  You've had great advise from multiple nurses on this thread.  Time to think about what you've been advised and move on.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Sm Bus Mgmt, Operations, Planning, HR, Coaching.
10 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:
On 1/7/2021 at 9:56 AM, Julie said:

@DribbleKing97  I am sorry this is happening at your workplace. 

If you are confident that you are doing a great job and you are not the problem, there is only so much you can do and it is all WITHIN you.  You can not change those around you.  But don't let their behavior take away your control of YOU.  You can change the way you react to them.  Use some positive mindfulness.  Try training your mind to think differently when they say these mean things to you.  Next time one of them makes one of these snide comments, use visualization in your head, to view that person as a weak animal trying to appear bigger and stronger than reality.  That might help you to just ignore their "mean" comments. 

If you do this over and over, you should become more proficient at your work and hopefully the remarks will soon become basically "mute".  This will allow you to focus on your important work and not on what co-workers are thinking.  Good luck to you.

appreciate it. im just a bit sensitive cause im not used to this kind of thing. im also not confrontational

The advice I am giving you involves NO CONFRONTATION.  It only involves you training your mind to "mute" out the unworthy comments being said around you.  If the comment adds nothing to your patients care and well being and adds nothing to your work proficiency and is intended for the sole purpose of being "mean", then you have to envision that person as a weak little feeble kitten just trying to be a big lion.  In your mind, just laugh it off and move on without another thought and continue to provide excellent care and be the best co-worker you can be.  Good Luck.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
On 1/6/2021 at 12:26 PM, DribbleKing97 said:

I am just not sure why they behave lik that. thats why

The why doesn't matter. What people think of you is none of your business. Just live your life and move on. Be the person you want to be and accept it. You will never know why.

3
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in retired LTC.
3 hours ago, subee said:

You are still trying to defend yourself out of this one.  You've had great advise from multiple nurses on this thread.  Time to think about what you've been advised and move on.

Ooo, ooo, subee! Another posted good one! I was thinking this just as I started to read your post. Love that monkey analogy.

PP Julie also offers a good response. This was called the 'grey rock' response in another AN post. OP needs to follow responses here and just IGNORE the 'meanies'. No response, no eyerolls, no shrugs, no verbal responses. NOTHING = IGNORE. Just turn around and walk away!

Good responses all.

OP - you're better than all the meanies' trashing. Let it go!

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics.

@DribbleKing97. I can empathize with the difficulty in working in an environment where you don’t feel liked. I don’t feel liked by my colleagues.  I don’t hear overt, hostile comments, but in slow moments, when people are socializing, they tend to disperse when I join in. I’m often floated out of turn, given assignments in an isolated corner of the unit, or given the least desirable assignment on the unit, despite having the most seniority/experience.  I also notice that I don’t get included in our of work get together that seem to encompass the majority of our staff or a group of our staff with whom I have something in common (mom’s with kids about the same age meeting at the zoo, for instance.)

 

it is very hurtful, makes for a lonely work day, and is definitely hard not to take personally .. especially when you can’t isolate any particular reason for the dislike.  
 

I've been at my particular job for a long time.  I’ve decided that the perks of my job outweigh the unfortunate social circumstance  I’ve also seen the staff completely turn over 3 times in my tenure, so I figure if I wait long enough, I can just wait out anyone truly unpleasant.  I keep my head down, do my job, and keep my personal life fulfilling so that I don’t need work to fill that need.

 

so ... you can employ my technique or, if you’re young and the thought of waiting years for a more pleasant work environment is too depressing, you can always look for another job  maybe you’ll find a group of people you click with  

 

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

A lot of my coworkers didn't like me, would ignore me, or say nothing to me outside of professional communication.

I was never invited to social gatherings.

And they thought they were punishing me!

HA!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
On 1/6/2021 at 5:14 PM, speedynurse said:

However, just do your job and be nice and then go home. What does it really matter who likes you and who doesn’t as long as you are doing your job effectively?

This! 

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

Several posts have been removed from view as off topic. The topic of the posts is ‘how to deal with staff that don’t like you’ not about immigration. Please keep to topic 

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment