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How to Deal with Staff Who Don't Like You?

Updated | Posted

Specializes in ACE.

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I would work a certain floor and my buddy nurse would make side comments like, "Oh you're working today? She must be on vacation." Making side comments asking me why I'm working on that certain floor.

They are all nosy asking me how I managed to get the job there. Then I hear them commenting saying that how I get more shifts than nurses who are more senior than I am. To me I would not know. Am I the staffing clerk? Am I the Director of Care?

Not sure why they do not mind their own business. Literally, its like I did not know you were the boss and decided where I work.

I don't want to be mean, but I feel offended and not wanted when they ask me those questions. Questioning me as if I am a nobody. Now I'm not sure if its the way they were brought up. Most of those workers like that were not born in Canada they all went to nursing school outside Canada and just wrote their exam in Canada and were granted a license, cause I know most of the people I went to school with were disciplined and did not behave like that.

1 hour ago, DribbleKing97 said:

but I feel offended

Therein lies the problem.

Show no emotion and ignore them. They'll get bored quickly.

socal212, CNA

Has 4 years experience.

OMG.  I'm sorry, but reading all of your posts, you always sound so...immature?  In your relationships with your coworkers.  You're going to find that in every single job, every single career field, people are nosy.  They're judgmental.  It's just human nature for a lot of people.  And you bringing up that your "Canadian" classmates are more "disciplined" than your "non Canadian" coworkers is kind of offensive to say and I hope you realize that.

I told you a long time ago. If someone says or does something you consider offensive, do not engage with them. Turn on your heel and walk away. Do the work you're assigned and then go home. Find something fun to do away from work and forget about the people who want to bring you down. Don't let them steal your peace. 

DK123

Specializes in ACE.

42 minutes ago, sevensonnets said:

I told you a long time ago. If someone says or does something you consider offensive, do not engage with them. Turn on your heel and walk away. Do the work you're assigned and then go home. Find something fun to do away from work and forget about the people who want to bring you down. Don't let them steal your peace. 

I am just not sure why they behave lik that. thats why

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

3 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:

I am just not sure why they behave lik that. thats why

People will use whatever method with which they're comfortable that has a history of working for them. Those with low self esteem will attempt to lower others so they can feel better about themselves.

Given that, I echo JKL and sevensonnet's advice, DribbleKing.

speedynurse, ADN, RN, EMT-P

Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.

Some people just don’t like others or their personalities clash. Sometimes there are toxic departments. However, just do your job and be nice and then go home. What does it really matter who likes you and who doesn’t as long as you are doing your job effectively?

"Do the work you are assigned and then go home."  Stop concentrating on coworkers.  When your mind strays, bring it back to doing your own job.  That is just enough to keep you occupied at your job, as it should be.

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

17 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:

Not sure why they do not mind their own business.

Give them "The Look":

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Saying nothing and looking askance at someone with low self esteem who has just said something ludicrously negative works wonders.

In their head, they say something to themselves that far outshines anything we could appropriately retort.

DK123

Specializes in ACE.

7 hours ago, Davey Do said:

People will use whatever method with which they're comfortable that has a history of working for them. Those with low self esteem will attempt to lower others so they can feel better about themselves.

Given that, I echo JKL and sevensonnet's advice, DribbleKing.

thanks at least yours is less offensive!

0.9%NormalSarah, ADN, RN

Specializes in ICU. Has 2 years experience.

17 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:

I am just not sure why they behave lik that. thats why

If you don’t tend to behave a certain way, you’ll probably never understand why someone else does. But I totally feel you, I’m sort of sensitive and when I work with a group of people I think doesn’t like me or tends to talk to me in a certain negative way, I totally have a bad shift. But like others have said, that’s more a problem with us than the offenders. They will always pick a target to talk about or gang up on, we have to be the ones to deny them that satisfaction and find happiness in ourselves regardless of them.

8 hours ago, DribbleKing97 said:

thanks at least yours is less offensive!

Out of sincere curiosity, why would you be offended by what I said?

I'm sure it's difficult for you to believe, especially here where it's just strangers typing things, but I do have compassion for people who write posts like yours, and that is the spirit in which I answered.

I believe you will have much less stress, angst and emotional discomfort if you try to see things a different way and stop giving power to those who are simply stroking their own feelings of angst by toying with you. These people feel bad inside or are upset about something other than you in the moment when they say these things and behave this way. Ultimately they don't feel good about themselves and feel powerless. All of their actions indicate that they are trying to put you down or lower your position so that they  can have the emotional experience of telling themselves that they are  higher/bigger/better than someone.

Your reactions are the emotional version of signing up to let them feel better by putting you down.

So...literally...walking away from them is what protects you from staying around to voluntarily serve their off-kilter emotional needs.

When you understand and believe this, you will be able to see their mouths moving and you will feel nothing while walking away. And you will feel so much better. What they are doing is meaningless with regard to your life. It means nothing. So walk away.

 

JadedCPN, BSN, RN

Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU. Has 15 years experience.

I agree with everything JKL33 said. I offended someone(s) on this forum in the past by stating that they are not relevant enough to impact my life...Don't let anyone have that much power over you, your emotions, and your feelings.

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

On 1/6/2021 at 12:18 AM, DribbleKing97 said:

I feel offended 

On 1/6/2021 at 1:41 AM, JKL33 said:

Therein lies the problem.

On 1/7/2021 at 8:55 AM, JKL33 said:

Out of sincere curiosity, why would you be offended by what I said?

 

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We have a tendency to put tones of voice on words we read.

'Aye, mate?

That was my Australian accent.

If we are feeling vulnerable, wearing our heart on our sleeve, a direct-to-the-point response could come off as non-empathetic or abrasive.

I interpret DribbleKing as a sensitive and JKL as forthright.

And I love you both as if you were my own children but thank God I had a vasectomy before I had to deal with either one of you.

GrumpyRN, NP

Specializes in Emergency Department. Has 39 years experience.

I had a (very) quick look at your previous posts and you do seem to have a bit of bother with other staff.

So with that in mind... If you are having problems with others no matter where you go, then have you looked at the common denominator?

 

Davey Do

Specializes in around 25 years psych, 10 years medical. Has 42 years experience.

4 minutes ago, GrumpyRN said:

If you are having problems with others no matter where you go, then have you looked at the common denominator?

Wow, Grumpy- that was a truly empathetic way of encouraging one to do some self evaluation.

Empathetic, especially  for you.

GrumpyRN, NP

Specializes in Emergency Department. Has 39 years experience.

1 minute ago, Davey Do said:

Wow, Grumpy- that was a truly empathetic way of encouraging one to do some self evaluation.

Empathetic, especially  for you.

Why thank you Davey. Actually my son said this or something very similar to me a few years back when I was moaning about something.

ruby_jane, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU/community health/school nursing. Has 10 years experience.

My predecessor left a piece of paper taped to the phone. It says "presume goodwill." 

While there are actual psych disorders where people literally believe things that are not true....if you're really asking the question (and looking for an answer): People are odd, selfish, stuck in their ways, and downright stupid. Don't buy into their baggage. And presume goodwill.