How to Deal with Staff Who Don't Like You?

Nurses General Nursing

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I would work a certain floor and my buddy nurse would make side comments like, "Oh you're working today? She must be on vacation." Making side comments asking me why I'm working on that certain floor.

They are all nosy asking me how I managed to get the job there. Then I hear them commenting saying that how I get more shifts than nurses who are more senior than I am. To me I would not know. Am I the staffing clerk? Am I the Director of Care?

Not sure why they do not mind their own business. Literally, its like I did not know you were the boss and decided where I work.

I don't want to be mean, but I feel offended and not wanted when they ask me those questions. Questioning me as if I am a nobody. Now I'm not sure if its the way they were brought up. Most of those workers like that were not born in Canada they all went to nursing school outside Canada and just wrote their exam in Canada and were granted a license, cause I know most of the people I went to school with were disciplined and did not behave like that.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
9 minutes ago, Julie said:

If you do this over and over, you should become more proficient at your work and hopefully the remarks will soon become basically "mute".  This will allow you to focus on your important work and not on what co-workers are thinking.  Good luck to you.

Excellent advice, Julie!

When I had done everything I could to satisfy the appetite of an insatiable axis II patient, I would often tell them that they have become persona non grata.

"Unless you are bleeding from one or more orifices", I would say, "you don't exist."

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Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, Geriatrics, home infusion.
7 hours ago, ruby_jane said:

My predecessor left a piece of paper taped to the phone. It says "presume goodwill." 

While there are actual psych disorders where people literally believe things that are not true....if you're really asking the question (and looking for an answer): People are odd, selfish, stuck in their ways, and downright stupid. Don't buy into their baggage. And presume goodwill.

"Presume good will" I like that. Thanks for sharing!

To the OP:

We all have a default level of expectations for others that we meet. Optimistic people tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more easily and not be as easily offended. Different periods of my life when I was younger, less secure and anxious about how I was perceived I was quick to worry that people thought I was inadequate. As I got older and more comfortable in my own skin I realized that by owning my mistakes and learning from them, I simultaneously was becoming less sensitive about them.

Being defensive is a mal adaptive coping mechanism for fear of criticism. The solution is to embrace feedback. Good or bad, assess that feedback. Is it valid ie. Is there evidence to support it? 

If someone is being rude or bullying you can still take back the power in the dynamic by owning the situation. Ie. Yes, I did xyz incorrectly. I'm unfamiliar with it, and I'm going to learn more about it. If you really want to drive them crazy smile when you say that and walk away. 

Then you go your own way and learn everything there is to know about whatever it is you struggled with. People will notice this about you, and the right people will respect it.

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

I'm sorry to read that your workplace environment is bringing you stress that has impacted your life. However, for your own mental health and well being, I would encourage you to either distance yourself from negative coworkers and focus on the work, or if you are looking for a workplace environment where your coworkers are more interested in becoming friends- you try to find another place of employment. You cannot control how other people view you, and you cannot control other people's reactions. You can only control your responses to the environment you are in. Because you don't engage in similar behavior, you will likely never be able to understand why these people are acting as they are. 

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
On 1/6/2021 at 10:26 AM, DribbleKing97 said:

I am just not sure why they behave lik that. thats why

You are missing the point - why does it matter so much to you - most people do things none of us will ever understand

 

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Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.
10 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

Why thank you Davey. Actually my son said this or something very similar to me a few years back when I was moaning about something.

Actually sometimes it takes someone else to truly look at ourselves and our own lives.....to put things in perspective. I know I had to have someone set me straight once....I was getting so fried and burnt out in the ER and finally a staff member actually told me bluntly that I had turned into a different person....that I was becoming mean and bitter. As hard as that was to hear and I ignored it for awhile, it is what I needed to hear. It took me awhile to make a change and get out of the ER but looking back....one of the most honest, best perspectives and pieces of advice anyone has ever given me to make me change something to improve myself and my life.

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Specializes in ED, Tele, MedSurg, ADN, Outpatient, LTC, Peds.

Try them out

Smile, look mysterious and walk away!

Use humor “ wow! I feel so important! So many questions!” 

Help them when they are busy and you have time especially when they don’t ask!

Learn to take a deep breath especially when triggered and say “ oh! There is something I need to do. I’ll be back.” Come back when calmer.

Try and learn to not take things personally even it feels very personal.

Don’t let them see you cry or sweat! 
Be professional at all times. Have someone out of work not related to anyone at work that you can vent to like us @allnurses!

Be kind! Life is Very short.

None of this will matter at the end of your life! So don’t give it too much thought.

Best of luck!

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 hour ago, spotangel said:

Be kind! Life is Very short.

The entire class would loudly groan when our high school literature teacher instructed us to take out a piece sheet of paper, for we knew were going to have a pop quiz.

"People!" he would say, "A hundred years from now, who'll know the difference?!"

Good advice, spotangel!

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Specializes in ER.

I think you all need to be supportive. Healthcare workers are the number one profession that bullies in the workplace! There are anti bullying policies in place and anti harassment polices for all employees. If you cannot talk with your coworkers directly go to HR.start documenting. This is legal reason to sue. Come on people you are all better than this! You take care of patients well! Start treating each other better otherwise you may be surprised when your served with a lawsuit.... trust me! I’ve sued and won 

 

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
11 minutes ago, DrrRachelDNPAPRNCNP said:

I think you all need to be supportive. Healthcare workers are the number one profession that bullies in the workplace! There are anti bullying policies in place and anti harassment polices for all employees. If you cannot talk with your coworkers directly go to HR.start documenting. This is legal reason to sue. Come on people you are all better than this! You take care of patients well! Start treating each other better otherwise you may be surprised when your served with a lawsuit.... trust me! I’ve sued and won 

 

I would be interested to see and read your source for that claim. 

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
12 hours ago, DrrRachelDNPAPRNCNP said:

I think you all need to be supportive. Healthcare workers are the number one profession that bullies in the workplace! There are anti bullying policies in place and anti harassment polices for all employees. If you cannot talk with your coworkers directly go to HR.start documenting. This is legal reason to sue. Come on people you are all better than this! You take care of patients well! Start treating each other better otherwise you may be surprised when your served with a lawsuit.... trust me! I’ve sued and won 

 

I too would like to see you evidence of this claim! Please consider the history and context of the OPs comments. This person often engages in odd behaviors up to an including some bullying on their part.... In my opinion people who run aroudn looking for their "Ca-Ching" moment to cash in with a lawsuit are not helping the problem. 

Hppy

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Specializes in ER.

I don’t need to show you anything.  Grow up and accept each other’s differences.

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2 hours ago, DrrRachelDNPAPRNCNP said:

I don’t need to show you anything.  Grow up and accept each other’s differences.

Actually, as you made a statement of fact, asking for references is a reasonable request.

 

 

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