How to Deal with Staff Who Don't Like You?

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I would work a certain floor and my buddy nurse would make side comments like, "Oh you're working today? She must be on vacation." Making side comments asking me why I'm working on that certain floor.

They are all nosy asking me how I managed to get the job there. Then I hear them commenting saying that how I get more shifts than nurses who are more senior than I am. To me I would not know. Am I the staffing clerk? Am I the Director of Care?

Not sure why they do not mind their own business. Literally, its like I did not know you were the boss and decided where I work.

I don't want to be mean, but I feel offended and not wanted when they ask me those questions. Questioning me as if I am a nobody. Now I'm not sure if its the way they were brought up. Most of those workers like that were not born in Canada they all went to nursing school outside Canada and just wrote their exam in Canada and were granted a license, cause I know most of the people I went to school with were disciplined and did not behave like that.

Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.

I agree with everything JKL33 said. I offended someone(s) on this forum in the past by stating that they are not relevant enough to impact my life...Don't let anyone have that much power over you, your emotions, and your feelings.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 1/6/2021 at 12:18 AM, DribbleKing97 said:

I feel offended 

On 1/6/2021 at 1:41 AM, JKL33 said:

Therein lies the problem.

On 1/7/2021 at 8:55 AM, JKL33 said:

Out of sincere curiosity, why would you be offended by what I said?

 

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We have a tendency to put tones of voice on words we read.

'Aye, mate?

That was my Australian accent.

If we are feeling vulnerable, wearing our heart on our sleeve, a direct-to-the-point response could come off as non-empathetic or abrasive.

I interpret DribbleKing as a sensitive and JKL as forthright.

And I love you both as if you were my own children but thank God I had a vasectomy before I had to deal with either one of you.

Specializes in Emergency Department.

I had a (very) quick look at your previous posts and you do seem to have a bit of bother with other staff.

So with that in mind... If you are having problems with others no matter where you go, then have you looked at the common denominator?

 

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
4 minutes ago, GrumpyRN said:

If you are having problems with others no matter where you go, then have you looked at the common denominator?

Wow, Grumpy- that was a truly empathetic way of encouraging one to do some self evaluation.

Empathetic, especially  for you.

Specializes in Emergency Department.
1 minute ago, Davey Do said:

Wow, Grumpy- that was a truly empathetic way of encouraging one to do some self evaluation.

Empathetic, especially  for you.

Why thank you Davey. Actually my son said this or something very similar to me a few years back when I was moaning about something.

Specializes in ICU/community health/school nursing.

My predecessor left a piece of paper taped to the phone. It says "presume goodwill." 

While there are actual psych disorders where people literally believe things that are not true....if you're really asking the question (and looking for an answer): People are odd, selfish, stuck in their ways, and downright stupid. Don't buy into their baggage. And presume goodwill.

30 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

And I love you both as if you were my own children but thank God I had a vasectomy before I had to deal with either one of you.

Oh for pete's sake. Do you have any idea the number of times I literally have tears coming out of my eyes and someone says, "what's so FUNNY" and I have to say "oh, nothing..." cause it's too involved to explain, then I just keep laughing??

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
56 minutes ago, GrumpyRN said:

Why thank you Davey. Actually my son said this or something very similar to me a few years back when I was moaning about something.

We give personalities to our virtual companions based on the way in which we interpret their written words.

Please allow me to give you my interpretation of you, Grumpy:

I see you as an older gentleman who is intelligent, educated, outspoken, hard working, worldly and wise. Some find your forthrightness as abrasive, hence "GrumpyRN", but under that armour of steel lies an individual with a concerned, caring heart that don't take no guff. 

How'd I do?

And, please, be kind, for I am but a little lamb in a world of voracious wolves.

 

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
26 minutes ago, ruby_jane said:

While there are actual psych disorders where people literally believe things that are not true....if you're really asking the question (and looking for an answer): People are odd, selfish, stuck in their ways, and downright stupid. Don't buy into their baggage. And presume goodwill.

If you will allow, ruby_jane, this is my interpretation of your post:

"Some are delusional, and I sense that you are one who is on a quest to gain knowledge, therefore I must tell you with all the sincerity that my love for you can muster, some people require a bit more understanding than your average frog, are ego-centristic, adhere to certain tenets, and sometimes act imprudently, so I advise you  give them an altruistic benefit of a doubt."

Specializes in Emergency Department.
3 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

We give personalities to our virtual companions based on the way in which we interpret their written words.

Please allow me to give you my interpretation of you, Grumpy:

I see you as an older gentleman who is intelligent, educated, outspoken, hard working, worldly and wise. Some find your forthrightness as abrasive, hence "GrumpyRN", but under that armour of steel lies an individual with concerned, caring heart that don't take no guff. 

How'd I do?

And, please, be kind, for I am but a little lamb in a world of voracious wolves.

 

Oh dear, are you looking through my monitor? That is way too close.

I take exception to "older gentleman" as I am quite young at only mid 60's.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 minute ago, GrumpyRN said:

Oh dear, are you looking through my monitor? That is way too close.

I take exception to "older gentleman" as I am quite young at only mid 60's.

Thank you for reinforcing my perspective on reality, Grumpy, for I base my findings on a life long study of behavior.

Initially, I had written, "an older gentleman, like myself," but deleted the bolded words because the sentence sounded like I was also claiming all the other good things that I said about you.

Being such the non-external gratification person that I am, I will allow others to graciously float my boat.

Specializes in Sm Bus Mgmt, Operations, Planning, HR, Coaching.

@DribbleKing97  I am sorry this is happening at your workplace. 

If you are confident that you are doing a great job and you are not the problem, there is only so much you can do and it is all WITHIN you.  You can not change those around you.  But don't let their behavior take away your control of YOU.  You can change the way you react to them.  Use some positive mindfulness.  Try training your mind to think differently when they say these mean things to you.  Next time one of them makes one of these snide comments, use visualization in your head, to view that person as a weak animal trying to appear bigger and stronger than reality.  That might help you to just ignore their "mean" comments. 

If you do this over and over, you should become more proficient at your work and hopefully the remarks will soon become basically "mute".  This will allow you to focus on your important work and not on what co-workers are thinking.  Good luck to you.

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