How to deal with a rude classmate?

Isitpossible, LPN, LVN · Oct 12, 2010

ask her point blank if there is a problem..if she chooses not to answer then ignore her, and dont worry about it anymore..we have no time for nonsense as adult learners...her problem, not YOURS!

VioletKaliLPN, LPN · Oct 12, 2010

she is doing the 'adult' thing by being respectful, but not overly friendly and chatty. sometimes we meet people we do not like, for *whatever* reason, and we choose to be respectful to them, but not super friendly and chatty.

for some reason she may not like you, it happens, it is nothing personal, but since you have to learn together she stays respectful but distant.

I love my cat! · Oct 12, 2010

Just move on. Put your effort into people that do want to be around you and do like you.

You will encounter the behaviors that she is displaying throughout your Nursing career. There is always going to be someone that does not like you. That cannot STAND you.

And likewise, there will be people that you do not even want to look at.

It is just a part of working in a close-knit environment. It is unrealistic to think that everyone is going to like you and you will drive yourself absolutely crazy trying to make someone like you.

You cannot make someone like you.

It is up to the other person to decide that for themselves. Oh, and often, the harder you try to make someone like you, the more they will pull away and resent you.

So, be nice, courteous and work hard. People that enjoy your company and appreciate your kindness will be your friend!

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 12, 2010

ditto the above. it sounds like she's being pleasant but distant, not rude. there are always going to be people who don't like you. be pleasant and cooperative, but courting her favor isn't doing you any good, so why keep on doing it? if you cannot tolerate the idea that someone might not like you, you need to do some work on yourself. you cannot change this other person, but you can change yourself and the way you react to her.

Chapis · Oct 12, 2010

do you really need her in your life? probably not, it's not like she's your sister and you need to fix the relationship. move on, she sure don't pay your bills to worry about her 'not talking/paying attention to you' drop her like a bad habit!!!

you sound like you make a good friend, if she doesn't want you as one, her loss!

Scarlette Wings · Oct 12, 2010

i understand that we all want to be loved and accepted but the reality is that no matter how wonderful or sweet or compassionate a person is, some-one some-where is not going to like them. even jesus had enemies.

consider it their loss and move on. it is a good learning experience because once you get to work you will find that there are going to be people that you work with that you just won't get along with. sometimes it is just a personality conflict and that is how life is. be respectful and mature and go on with your life. life is too short to waste it.

JustBeachyNurse, LPN · Oct 12, 2010

I agree that you should just move on. She is trying to be polite. I really don't want to be facebook friends with most of my classmates. My FB friends are family and people I have known for 10 or more years.

Sure there are people in my class that may not want to "be my friend" but as long as they are civil and not rude (I would NOT call her behavior rude), live and let be.

Sometimes people just want to do their skills as it is better for them to learn that way. Listening with an instructor for an evaluation is not the same as listening with another student learning a task.

Pneumothorax, BSN, RN · Oct 12, 2010

Hi,
I have a classmate who I get the feeling doesn't like me and I'm not sure way. I try to rise above it but the only thing is she is friends with my friends so not do I only have class and labs with her everyday, I eat lunch with her, go on walk breaks with her, all because we are with the entire group of friends that we share.
I asked if I could partner with her and another classmate one day, and she was just like "yeah, sure" and didn't look at me. She ignored me and then when I asked if we could use the teacher's dual stethescope for BP so we could listen at the same time, she said no, I just want to do it by myself. Really? Especially since are test will use the teacher's BP. I tried adding her on facebook but she didn't accept so I canceled it. When we are in groups she never talks to me directly, when we were doing critiques of our videos between the 6 of us, she gave everyone positive comments verbally, and stayed mum when it came to me.
I have tried to be nice, and I tried to rise above it all so I gave her a postiive comment that I like about her video. I'm too old for this, I"m a second degree student. Is this highschool all over again. I hated high school. I feel like I should confront her and discuss it, but I've never done that before. Or should I continue to ignore it and just let it go?

im having a similar problem with someone im friends(?) with, but for the pastfew weeks she has not said word one to me and we usually talk quite a bit to each other text etc.

so idk. im at the point where...you're either with me or against me. im too old for this crap LOL..

caliotter3 · Oct 12, 2010

Take the energy you have been wasting on trying to win her over and put it toward nurturing the friendships that are already positive. You said it yourself, this is not high school.

One1, BSN, RN · Oct 12, 2010

so idk. im at the point where...you're either with me or against me.

Like others said, there is also the neutral-polite medium where the other person is neither interested in becoming best buddies nor in starting a life-long feud. In this kind of interaction, people who do not like each other can still interact professionally and constructively. To expect only black-or-white relationships like "friends" or "enemies" might be the true immature thinking.

IHeartPeds87 · Oct 12, 2010

I completely understand how you feel, as I am like you. I am a social, nice to everyone I meet type of person. I had a similar situation with a coworker a number of years ago. This person wasn't exactly mean to me...just...indifferent. And I disliked that. I had friends, or people who didn't know me well enough to be my friend. I had never encountered anyone who didn't seem to WANT my friendship, despite us having to spend a lot of time with each other.

I did what you did. I tried to be nice. I complimented. I smiled a lot. Despite my attempts to be friendly, this person remained....kind of cold.

I am here to tell you something. Not everyone is going to like you. I don't mean to say this to be rude, but because I think you need to learn and accept this. It is something I still struggle with, but I'm doing better.

As long as someone isn't being disrespectful to you or getting in the way of doing your work, leave her alone. Maintain the same relationship she appears to want....that as co-students in a class.

Just know that friendships are mutual relationships. You shouldn't want the company of someone who doesn't want yours. Have more confidence in yourself than that.

I realized that in order to stay in this field, I was going to have to get a tougher skin. It's difficult, but I'm trying. Try to join me :) And good luck!