Denied PTO for my marriage

[ryuunohime]

Hey fellow nurses,

I just need a place to vent and get some feedback. I've been dating this guy for about 4 years, and he proposed on Christmas day 2016. Naturally I'm ecstatic, and as soon as we get back from visiting his folks, I start planning the wedding. Its my first marriage/engagement, so I really have no idea what I'm doing. After many many phone calls and negotiations with family members and venues, I get my date. July 29th. Fantastic.

At work, our bi-annual PTO sign up starts Jan 1st to the 14th for PTO through the month of august. I sign up on the 4th of Jan for my wedding week and the week after. I'm in a hospital, work 3 12s a week. By the time my wedding rolls around I will have more than enough PTO to cover. I also email both my manager and clinical coordinator and let them know I am getting married.

Yesterday, my PTO was denied. Naturally I'm hurt and heart broken, and I ask them why. I get told PTO is handed out based on seniority, and only so many nurses per shift can be off. I'm a full time night shift nurse. During my week I wanted, there are 5 day nurses and only 1 other night nurse off, but I get told they are full for vacation that week. When I point out the numbers, I get told I'm being difficult to coach. I was told that I should have picked a date at a less busy time for our unit. I was told that if I want my wedding off I need to find someone willing to cover my shifts for me.

I'm heartbroken and enraged and I can feel my emotions eating away at me. I love being a nurse, I've been in the field since 2010, but I hate coming to work any more. Especially now.

My unit is a busy medical unit in a small magnet hospital in a rural state. I will have been on this floor for 2 years in July, and plan to have finished up my BSN by the end of this year. I'm thinking of bailing after the wedding and going to another floor, perhaps float pool where I imagine its a much more flexible schedule.

What do you guys think? How would you handle this?

[JadedCPN, BSN, RN]

I've worked with several nurses over the years who have been in similar situations. I personally would not leave a job that I like (or even one I didn't like if I did not have a replacement job secured already) because of a situation like this - rules are rules and they are there for a reason. Basing PTO/vacation, especially at a busy time in July, is very commonly based on seniority and obviously unit needs. I know when I worked nights for years, we couldn't have the same amount of nurses sign up for vacation weeks on nights as they could have on days because we had less staff at night, so only one nurse at a time was able to be off for vacation on night shift versus 3 per week for days.

Another thing to consider is that even though your wedding is obviously important to you and it may not seem fair, many people who request PTO have similar situations and reason to request PTO which they feel are important to them as well. It wouldn't be fair to bend the rules for your wedding but not give the other nurse PTO to take a family vacation with their dying parents, for example. Almost everyone feels their needs are important to them and feels that should put them as a priority, which is why there needs to be some process for signing up for PTO in the first place.

As others suggested, I would try working with your coworkers to see if they are able to cover those six shifts or make trades to have as many days off without needing to take PTO as possible. If that doesn't work, I would suggest changing the date of your wedding after you speak with management to find a good time where you would be able to take 2 weeks off. It is the most stress free option for you, and you already have enough stress to deal with when planning a wedding.

P.S. this is one of many reasons why we eloped

[CardiacRNLA, BSN]

Jeez Louise! What kinda awful places do you guys work where PTO has to be that far in advance?! Remind me not to apply at those places!

[DeeAngel]

You shouldn't have scheduled it for the summer months without prior approval. October or late September would not have been an issue for you. But summer...I'm not surprised you got turned down, I think most would in similar circumstances.

I also noticed this; "By the time my wedding rolls around I will have more than enough PTO to cover". Lots of places will not grant PTO unless you have the accrued hours to cover the leave at the time you apply for it. It doesn't matter what you *will* have when the wedding date comes up, it only matters how much you have when you applied.

[8-ball, BSN]

If I were you, I would strongly consider taking a personal leave of absence during the month of July. This is a way to ensure you have all the time off you need.

The major downsides are the unpaid time off and the possibility that you might end up on a different unit or floor when you do return to work.

This is the best option I have seen so far. If it were my wedding and they would not work with me and that was the only time I could do it then I say screw them. I quit my last job for similar reasons. I even told management after I had been there for 3 years that if they didn't approve my 1 week summer vacation that year that I would be forced to seek another job...guess what happened. My wife was a school teacher and only had off in the summer but for 3 years we could never enjoy our vacation together. I got tired of that.

[blondy2061h, MSN, RN]

Jeez Louise! What kinda awful places do you guys work where PTO has to be that far in advance?! Remind me not to apply at those places!

Maybe switch your major to education now

Edit: nevermind, looks like the "wannabe" part of your user name is outdated? Literally every place in my area has you request extended (more than 1 day off) time off around a year in advance

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Wow, that is a crazy way to request time off! Stuff happens and not everyone has a crystal ball.

I echo the others. Either leave all together and give your two weeks notice (or whatever your policy says) or get into the float pool and hope it's flexible. I bet if they are so short that you can't be off the same time as another nurse, then they will be hurting once you leave.

You should come to my facility. Heck, we give everyone what they want and rarely if ever deny.

[NicuGal, MSN, RN]

1. See if you bunch your days up, work Sun-Tues and then Thurs-Fri. Take your honeymoon later.

2. If you are receiving tuition reimbursement, check to see what the payback period is....most places require you to work 1-2 year or you owe them back that money (ouch, on top of wedding spending).

3. How important is the date? Can you move it to when you can get off, even for a week?

4. Transferring before isn't going to work either...you may be in the same jam.

5. If you have something that important always say something to management to see if you can get prior approval. Our hospital allows a once in a lifetime pass to take 2 weeks to get married, etc.

Hope you work it out!

[nursej22, MSN, RN]

My facility tried a system that required that staff request summer PTO by the September of the preceding year. Time off during what they called peak time, which was middle of May to mid September, and was limited to 2 weeks max. They said this was the only way to give everyone time off to all those who requested it.

They waited until December issue the calendar, and lo and behold, not everyone got off the time they had requested. That system got scrapped pronto.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

Your job needs to be supportive of you both as an employee and as a person. It is insensitive for them to ignore the fact that you are planning the happiest day of your life and emphasis the need for the schedule over your happiness.

Except that the role of the facility is to provide care to patients. The facility can't just grant all requests when they all happen at the same time. It is also not at all uncommon for summer to be considered separate and have different rules. My facility has an arrangement where, by seniority, we are divided into groups. Each group is assigned a week to submit their requests, which are granted by seniority. Anyone who forgets to submit their week during the assigned time has to wait until everyone else is done. It is limited to 6 people off per week. We have to have adequate staff on the unit.

However, here is where the creativity comes into play: not all staff take a vacation during the summer. I personally prefer fall when kids are back in school and vacation places tend to be less crowded. So, if someone offers me a decent bribe (read: bottle of wine), I will happily request off a week for them and then trade.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

It doesn't matter if you are new. I had been a loyal employee at my job for years when I got married. I even had the DON offer me his office and computer to order wedding supplies since I was in the building so much working OT to pay for it. THREE days before my wedding the state surveyors show up. He had the audacity to call me and tell me that ALL pto had been cancelled and that he expected me to report for my 11-7 shift on Friday night when my wedding was at 10am on Saturday. He told me to abbreviate my bachelorette party by cutting it off at 10p on Friday so I could get to work and that I would have plenty of time to get ready after working all night.

No one from the job showed up to my wedding because he told everyone that if I did not show I was fired. I only tell you this to help you realize that a job is just that. If you are as upset as you seem you will not get over this and will never be happy there. Resign two weeks before the wedding and enjoy your new life or suck it up and move the wedding. If you move the wedding do not hold a grudge or you will lose the job anyway. Either decision is valid. Even if he did not fire me I wouldn't have stayed there long after that.

[VANurse2010]

This is far enough in advance that you should just find a new job and quit. I'm a little put off by all the advocates for putting the unit before your life, but that's the lay of (some people's) land I guess.

[Jules A, MSN]

This is far enough in advance that you should just find a new job and quit. I'm a little put off by all the advocates for putting the unit before your life, but that's the lay of (some people's) land I guess.

I have no qualms putting work before family because without work my family is not going to survive. IMO the new buzz words work life balance are as overrated as EBP and huddle.