I have noticed a rash of posters here asking for advice, opinions and help, only to get all puffed up when people are honest and frank in their replies.
Here is the basic rule on a general open forum such as this:
If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. If you cannot handle the truth, don't put your situation out there for general consumption.
Another fact: People don't have to agree with you to be helpful.
Seriously so much "butt hurt" that is so unnecessary.
I see a lot of helpful posters trying to answer questions honestly, only to be slammed for being "rude"......
Just keepin' it real and wondering if it's just me noticing a big trend here.
Some people are kind and respectful at all times. No fakery necessary.
And flying over a rainbow in a tornado takes you to Oz.
No one is kind and respectful at ALL times. Human beings have flaws and emotions, and we don't always have them under control. Anyone who claims they're never rude or angry, that they never say anything they might want to take back later......is lying.
i disagree on a number of levels. theres honesty and then there's being unnecessarily blunt. consider an employee being let go from work.
there is a difference between saying "we have had issues with your professionalism lately and think it is in the best interest of the company to relieve you of your duties here" and "you come to work looking like you just rolled out of bed, you smell bad and the patients are complaining about it".
in addition to that, often, "the truth" spoken isn't always or even at all helpful. usually ive noticed its just a super rash, judgmental opinion made from someone who stumbled upon the post, without asserting any actual advice or offering any solutions. when i respond, i tend to leave my own opinion out of things and try to offer a straightforward, unbiased opinion unless somewhere in the post, the OP remarks with "what do you think?" at that point, you get what you pay for.
its one of the reasons ive actually minimized the amount of threads i post here. more often than not people will ignore the question/statement at hand altogether, and offer their unwanted 2 cents in the worst way possible and shrug it off as "well if you didnt want to know, you shouldn't have asked" except the only problem is, i DIDNT want to know, and thats NOT what i asked.
I don't disagree at all, but re the bolded statement, I've read a lot of threads from new hires that say they're managers or preceptors tell them they have concerns that result in failing their probationary period but won't specify what is it exactly, they're losing their new jobs with only unclear criticism. "..issues with your professionalism" is pretty vague, body odor or something potentially hurtful and embarrassing, would be specific and an easy fix. If my career was on the line, just straight up tell me.
And flying over a rainbow in a tornado takes you to Oz.
No one is kind and respectful at ALL times. Human beings have flaws and emotions, and we don't always have them under control. Anyone who claims they're never rude or angry, that they never say anything they might want to take back later......is lying.
Yeah I agree, maybe we should all admit that yeah...we can be a little rude sometimes. Almost 100 posts in, and (from what I can recall) I didn't see anyone admitting to being rude, either intentionally, or by accident.
I am definitely intentionally rude sometimes, both on this board and in person, and 90% of the time I regret it.
Also, I agree with other posters who say that some people could word things a little differently. But something I keep seeing over and over, is the OP saying that he/she wants "constructive criticism" only, and then gets all butthurt (ha) when people give it to them!
These days, the constructive criticism seems to be misinterpreted as meaning that each and every critique must be sandwiched between compliments, and then ended with, "But you're still doing a great job!" regardless of performance.
And flying over a rainbow in a tornado takes you to Oz.
No one is kind and respectful at ALL times. Human beings have flaws and emotions, and we don't always have them under control. Anyone who claims they're never rude or angry, that they never say anything they might want to take back later......is lying.
I never said that people are not human. I simply meant that some people are considerate and kind by nature and don't go around being rude on a daily basis. There's a difference between occasional lapses in composure and being a jerk.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
And some need to redefine what "kindness" versus "rudness" may be. I am kind. I am kind to my coworkers, as well as loved ones at home. I however, do not consider it "kind" to simply be a yes-girl to people just because they can't handle the truth.
Some people are kind and respectful at all times. No fakery necessary.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I think, too, new members would do well to do a search of their topic before asking. Not that it justifies any rudeness, but if you ask, you will get answers.
Sometimes, the subject has been covered ad nauseum, and people get tired of seeing the same thing. On the other hand, we can all choose what threads in which we participate.
There is no call to be intentionally rude, and directly insult another. However, sugar-coating and saying what people want to hear is not "kind" either. Some people need to hear the truth, and as long as it's delivered honestly without direct, personal attacks, they would do well to take the words at their meaning and either incorporate them into their thoughts, or discard them as unhelpful.
I never said that people are not human. I simply meant that some people are considerate and kind by nature and don't go around being rude on a daily basis. There's a difference between occasional lapses in composure and being a jerk.
You said:
Some people are kind and respectful at all times. No fakery necessary.
I was refuting the bolded part. No one is kind and respectful at ALL times.
Not to argue or anything, but when I read this statement, the faces of three people who I am very fortunate to be friends with popped into my head. Two are nurses. Seriously, I've never seen or heard of them being unkind or disrespectful in their personal nor their professional lives, and I know them well enough to have made one of them my son's godmother and to know a couple of "secrets" from the other two.
These types of people do exist, but I can't honestly say that I'm one of them, although it's something I strive for.
I don't disagree at all, but re the bolded statement, I've read a lot of threads from new hires that say they're managers or preceptors tell them they have concerns that result in failing their probationary period but won't specify what is it exactly, they're losing their new jobs with only unclear criticism. "..issues with your professionalism" is pretty vague, body odor or something potentially hurtful and embarrassing, would be specific and an easy fix. If my career was on the line, just straight up tell me.
i agree with you there too.
bahaha could you imagine though ? being fired solely based on smelling and looking bad ?
Red Kryptonite
2,212 Posts
And flying over a rainbow in a tornado takes you to Oz.
No one is kind and respectful at ALL times. Human beings have flaws and emotions, and we don't always have them under control. Anyone who claims they're never rude or angry, that they never say anything they might want to take back later......is lying.