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Can we just agree, being honest is not akin to being "rude"?

Posted

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis. Has 24 years experience.

I have noticed a rash of posters here asking for advice, opinions and help, only to get all puffed up when people are honest and frank in their replies.

Here is the basic rule on a general open forum such as this:

If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. If you cannot handle the truth, don't put your situation out there for general consumption.

Another fact: People don't have to agree with you to be helpful.

Seriously so much "butt hurt" that is so unnecessary.

I see a lot of helpful posters trying to answer questions honestly, only to be slammed for being "rude"......

Just keepin' it real and wondering if it's just me noticing a big trend here.

Oh no, you are not the only one who has noticed this. It gets to be quite offputting, to say the least.

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN

Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU. Has 24 years experience.

Honestly more often, I feel quite the opposite. I cringe when I read the brutally honest and sometimes very insensitive comments from certain individuals and I wish they would stop with the guns a blazing rhetoric and just take it down a notch.

jaycam, RN

Has 2 years experience.

Honesty is one thing, but some of the honesty lately has been taking it to eleven. Both sides could use a breather.

calivianya, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU.

Honestly, there is a difference between being honest in a polite way and being honest in a rude way. I think some people have almost been in healthcare too long. We are so direct, and even rude, with each other in our work lives that we expect every single person on the planet to accept the way we interact. Newsflash: not every industry is as direct, and even as rude, as healthcare. People new to healthcare are not going to be accustomed to having their heads chewed off on a regular basis. That comes with healthcare experience, which a lot of new posters don't have.

How many of you would appreciate if in everyday conversation you were told your behavior was abnormal and you needed psychiatric help?

How about if every time you mentioned something you experienced was difficult, the person you were talking to basically told you that you were an idiot for not knowing in advance it was going to be difficult?

How about if you asked a person on a street for directions and he/she said something like, "Can't you pull out your phone and do some research? Jeez, what's your problem? Why would you ask me before looking at Google Maps?"

I would be offended if someone said those things to my face. Wouldn't most of you?

BrandonLPN, LPN

Has 5 years experience.

You see these sorts of situations on lots of message boards, not just Allnurses.

There tends to be friction between "noob" posters and regular posters. A new poster asks a question that's been asked a ba-zillion times, or they seem to be asking for opinions when they're really just seeking validation and agreement. The regular posters either ignore it, or reply with blunt and/or sarcastic remarks.

From the "noob" point of view, they feel like they joined a message board only to be attacked and mocked with their first postings. From the regular poster point of view, they're just responding appropriately to a silly post.

mirandaaa

Specializes in PCT, RN. Has 3 years experience.

You see these sorts of situations on lots of message boards, not just Allnurses.

There tends to be friction between "noob" posters and regular posters. A new poster asks a question that's been asked a ba-zillion times, or they seem to be asking for opinions when they're really just seeking validation and agreement. The regular posters either ignore it, or reply with blunt and/or sarcastic remarks.

From the "noob" point of view, they feel like they joined a message board only to be attacked and mocked with their first postings. From the regular poster point of view, they're just responding appropriately to a silly post.

Literally could not have put this any better.

dudette10, MSN, RN

Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics. Has 10 years experience.

Too many noobs; not enough hot sauce.

RNNPICU, BSN, RN

Specializes in PICU. Has 13 years experience.

Sometimes too, it is hard to interpret what is said in print without the benefit of seeing someone face to face or hear the tone of voice. What someone could write could easily be interpreted as nice to one person but rude to another.

Ruas61, BSN, RN

Specializes in MDS/ UR. Has 39 years experience.

1) Not everyone is going to hear what you say the way you want it heard.

2) Someone is going to be offended, opposed or misunderstand/misinterpret your thoughts.

3) Someone will find angles into the topic you never would have entertained.

4) Someone is going to yank your chain.

5) Once you start a thread/topic- it is not yours anymore.

6) Pick your battles.

7) It's the internet.

cardiacfreak, ADN

Specializes in Hospice.

I love it, "once you start a thread/topic-it is not yours anymore"! That should be a disclaimer prior to posting.

Jules A, MSN

Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

I have noticed a rash of posters here asking for advice, opinions and help, only to get all puffed up when people are honest and frank in their replies.

Here is the basic rule on a general open forum such as this:

If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. If you cannot handle the truth, don't put your situation out there for general consumption.

Another fact: People don't have to agree with you to be helpful.

Seriously so much "butt hurt" that is so unnecessary.

I see a lot of helpful posters trying to answer questions honestly, only to be slammed for being "rude"......

Just keepin' it real and wondering if it's just me noticing a big trend here.

This is just my opinion and I have seen the "good-bye cruel board posts" over the years on several boards but I think at this time it is worse possibly because society is very sensitive now. The whole bullying culture although not without its merits has taken a hold. I mean really someone rolls their eyes at you and that is considered bullying? Unbelievable to me. Something I recently realized is that there are posters here for whom their nursing job is their very first job ever. While that blows my mind it does clear up some of the posts that seem as if they must be a hoax.

I have said it before and I'll say it again, the more someone irritates me the more I try to explore the reason and most of the time it is on me and not them anyway. Aren't we hear to learn from each other? How can change and learning happen if we aren't willing to step out of our comfort zones?

And to those who asked yes I do approach real life situations with the same candor as I post online.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine. Has 8 years experience.

The whole bullying culture although not without its merits has taken a hold.

I beg your pardon, but what are exactly the "merits" of bullying? Not eyes rolling and not polite explanation that online forum is not a place to search for someone to do your homework but the real bullying? As a person who experienced probably somewhere between 95 and 99 percentile of the said phenomenon as averaged among general population, I had yet received no benefits or merits whatsoever. So, I will be forever thankful if you would kindly explain what I might miss in my life or vision of the world in general. Perhaps it would make my C-PTSD symptoms less unpleasant.

Jules A, MSN

Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

The whole bullying culture although not without its merits has taken a hold.

I beg your pardon, but what are exactly the "merits" of bullying? Not eyes rolling and not polite explanation that online forum is not a place to search for someone to do your homework but the real bullying? As a person who experienced probably somewhere between 95 and 99 percentile of the said phenomenon as averaged among general population, I had yet received no benefits or merits whatsoever. So, I will be forever thankful if you would kindly explain what I might miss in my life or vision of the world in general. Perhaps it would make my C-PTSD symptoms less unpleasant.

Ok so I truly and sincerely have no clue what this means past your first sentence.

Perhaps I wasn't clear in what I meant when I referred to "bullying culture" was that not tolerating bullying has its merits but to further expand imo I think we have swung too far in the other direction.

SmilingBluEyes

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis. Has 24 years experience.

You said it better than I ever could. As usual, well done.

1) Not everyone is going to hear what you say the way you want it heard.

2) Someone is going to be offended, opposed or misunderstand/misinterpret your thoughts.

3) Someone will find angles into the topic you never would have entertained.

4) Someone is going to yank your chain.

5) Once you start a thread/topic- it is not yours anymore.

6) Pick your battles.

7) It's the internet.

SmilingBluEyes

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis. Has 24 years experience.

Lots of good thoughts.

First. I won't call any new member a "noob". I don't find that friendly or helpful. We ALL were "noobs" at one time or another. But it's not a nice label to me.

Second. When I am honest, I try not to be rude. But here's a tip. Nursing is by nature, a tough field. If you have thin skin and take every comment to heart and let it paralyze you or ruin your day, got news: You will not last. It's not about NETY, it's about being able to take truthful, insightful and honest advice and using what works, discarding what does not. You can't get your panties in a wad every time someone says something that you don't like. You likely won't make it though nursing school or if you do, the career itself will blow you away.

Third. Someone said it before me, once you post it, the thread is not your own, and will take on a life of its own. Go with the flow more. Again, discard what you can't use and use what is useful.

Again, don't put it out there if you are sensitive and can't handle it. The internet is a big place and lots of different characters lurk and chat. Don't let your vision be so blinded so easily by those who may offend you. You have no constitutional right not to be offended. You Do have the right to walk away.

Don't ask, don't tell.

SmilingBluEyes

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis. Has 24 years experience.

And yes, I am this truthful and and sometimes, blunt, face to face. If that makes me unlikeable, I am sorry. But I am all for being real. I have received harsh advice and criticism in my career. I have had the wind knocked out of me at times. But I decided to pick myself up, dust off and keep going. I am no quitter. I will mentor til the cows come home, but if you get all "you're rude" when I jump in and stop you from doing something dangerous, I won't step back. I will talk to you in private about why I am saying what I am in the manner I am saying it

.

I operate on no illusions in real life or online. And my online life gets to me, and gets in the way of real life, I do take a good break and regroup. I do this in real life with my career. Boundaries are not only nice, but necessary.

I guess that is me in nutshell. Having been in the nursing business 18 years and the military another 10, I have learned not to get all bound up when someone says something to me critical or I don't like.

Farawyn

Has 25 years experience.

I'm kinda shy in real life.

Kidding.