Can we just agree, being honest is not akin to being "rude"?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I have noticed a rash of posters here asking for advice, opinions and help, only to get all puffed up when people are honest and frank in their replies.

Here is the basic rule on a general open forum such as this:

If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. If you cannot handle the truth, don't put your situation out there for general consumption.

Another fact: People don't have to agree with you to be helpful.

Seriously so much "butt hurt" that is so unnecessary.

I see a lot of helpful posters trying to answer questions honestly, only to be slammed for being "rude"......

Just keepin' it real and wondering if it's just me noticing a big trend here.

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

The whole bullying culture although not without its merits has taken a hold.

I beg your pardon, but what are exactly the "merits" of bullying? Not eyes rolling and not polite explanation that online forum is not a place to search for someone to do your homework but the real bullying? As a person who experienced probably somewhere between 95 and 99 percentile of the said phenomenon as averaged among general population, I had yet received no benefits or merits whatsoever. So, I will be forever thankful if you would kindly explain what I might miss in my life or vision of the world in general. Perhaps it would make my C-PTSD symptoms less unpleasant.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
The whole bullying culture although not without its merits has taken a hold.

I beg your pardon, but what are exactly the "merits" of bullying? Not eyes rolling and not polite explanation that online forum is not a place to search for someone to do your homework but the real bullying? As a person who experienced probably somewhere between 95 and 99 percentile of the said phenomenon as averaged among general population, I had yet received no benefits or merits whatsoever. So, I will be forever thankful if you would kindly explain what I might miss in my life or vision of the world in general. Perhaps it would make my C-PTSD symptoms less unpleasant.

Ok so I truly and sincerely have no clue what this means past your first sentence.

Perhaps I wasn't clear in what I meant when I referred to "bullying culture" was that not tolerating bullying has its merits but to further expand imo I think we have swung too far in the other direction.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

You said it better than I ever could. As usual, well done.

1) Not everyone is going to hear what you say the way you want it heard.

2) Someone is going to be offended, opposed or misunderstand/misinterpret your thoughts.

3) Someone will find angles into the topic you never would have entertained.

4) Someone is going to yank your chain.

5) Once you start a thread/topic- it is not yours anymore.

6) Pick your battles.

7) It's the internet.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Lots of good thoughts.

First. I won't call any new member a "noob". I don't find that friendly or helpful. We ALL were "noobs" at one time or another. But it's not a nice label to me.

Second. When I am honest, I try not to be rude. But here's a tip. Nursing is by nature, a tough field. If you have thin skin and take every comment to heart and let it paralyze you or ruin your day, got news: You will not last. It's not about NETY, it's about being able to take truthful, insightful and honest advice and using what works, discarding what does not. You can't get your panties in a wad every time someone says something that you don't like. You likely won't make it though nursing school or if you do, the career itself will blow you away.

Third. Someone said it before me, once you post it, the thread is not your own, and will take on a life of its own. Go with the flow more. Again, discard what you can't use and use what is useful.

Again, don't put it out there if you are sensitive and can't handle it. The internet is a big place and lots of different characters lurk and chat. Don't let your vision be so blinded so easily by those who may offend you. You have no constitutional right not to be offended. You Do have the right to walk away.

Don't ask, don't tell.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

And yes, I am this truthful and and sometimes, blunt, face to face. If that makes me unlikeable, I am sorry. But I am all for being real. I have received harsh advice and criticism in my career. I have had the wind knocked out of me at times. But I decided to pick myself up, dust off and keep going. I am no quitter. I will mentor til the cows come home, but if you get all "you're rude" when I jump in and stop you from doing something dangerous, I won't step back. I will talk to you in private about why I am saying what I am in the manner I am saying it

.

I operate on no illusions in real life or online. And my online life gets to me, and gets in the way of real life, I do take a good break and regroup. I do this in real life with my career. Boundaries are not only nice, but necessary.

I guess that is me in nutshell. Having been in the nursing business 18 years and the military another 10, I have learned not to get all bound up when someone says something to me critical or I don't like.

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I'm kinda shy in real life.

Kidding.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Float Pool Nursing.

Gey Cox.

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Specializes in Labor and Delivery.

There's definitely more than one way of saying things. Being honest is not a problem, saying something honest in the rudest possible way IS a problem. We have to remember that tone is hard to decipher online as well. When I respond to things in writing I read my response several times to make sure I'm coming across the way I want to come across. Sometimes that requires tweaking my response several times before I post it.

I learned a long time ago that you don't need to be in-your-face-blunt every time you want to be honest or have an opinion about something. My motto is this: if you can say it in a nicer way, then do so. There's no harm in being both honest AND nice.

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Specializes in Psychiatric Nursing.

Manners matter, even on the internet. As much as I like Allnurses, I'll admit that I cringe when I read mean-spirited comments from veteran nurses. I am glad I didn't discover this forum as a nursing student, because I might have changed my mind about pursuing nursing. Healthy, spirited debate is fun and enlightening, and that's what I enjoy about this forum. I do not enjoy the remarks from professional nurses that are hostile, vitriolic, catty, or rude. And yes, it is quite possible to be honest without being rude!

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

The difficulty is that "rudeness", like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What YOU consider rude might be tactful honesty to someone else. And vice versa.

I think this place has the advantage of anonymity (unless, of course, you're new here and think it cool to use your own name and your selfie as your avatar) and we CAN tell people things that are difficult to hear and we probably wouldn't tackle in real life. No, I probably wouldn't be the one to tell the co-worker who spends her entire shift crying about how difficult utterly awful her life, her job and her marriage are that she would benefit from seeing a mental health professional. But clearly she WOULD benefit, and maybe I'm a horrible colleague for not suggesting that to her. Anyone who suggests such a thing -- no matter how right they may be -- is instantly accused of rudeness, nastiness, being mean or eating their young. I have to get along with my real life colleagues -- but maybe my comment to a fellow poster will actually be taken seriously and lead someone to get the help they need. I'll admit it's unlikely, but not impossible.

I have difficulty with crude language -- to me, that's being unnecessarily rude and low class. The claim of being 'butt hurt' takes me aback. Could we not as easily say "deeply offended" or "insulted"? It is, however, a rather unambiguous description.

There are some folks who will interpret anything not phrased with rainbows, unicorns and all sorts of puffy white clouds as being "mean" or "negative." Unfortunately, their number seems to be growing and they are becoming more and more vocal.

Honesty ought to be valued and good intentions assumed. But this is, I'm aware, the internet.

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Butt hurt isn't really the equivalent of offended or insulted, it's more like calling someone a baby/overly sensitive/ridiculous, if that makes sense. I'm trying to think of a non insulting way of calling someone a baby and I'm a drawing a blank.

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, PACU.

Honestly, I am pretty upfront and brutally honest in real life, as I am sure I come across on here sometimes. I am also

pretty empathetic to some. But, if you don't want to hear what people are going to say, don't post it. Just like in real life, you have people who are going to tell you how it is and others that will baby you.

It's the Internet and once you put it out there, it isn't yours to own anymore.

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