Can we just agree, being honest is not akin to being "rude"?

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Apr 17, 2015

I use the app and there is nothing like that when I post.

Hmmmm, I am using the app and when I hit reply the first time, the disclaimer is clearly there. When I hit reply again in order to make your post appear along with my response, it disappears.

Jules A, MSN · Apr 17, 2015

And some need to redefine what "kindness" versus "rudness" may be. I am kind. I am kind to my coworkers, as well as loved ones at home. I however, do not consider it "kind" to simply be a yes-girl to people just because they can't handle the truth.

Excellent point and I was thinking this might be one difference in how we come across in cyberspace vs real life. I'm definitely no "yes-girl" either and although there are some times when in hindsight I do wish I had reined it in a bit I am also extremely kind, loyal and hardworking which possibly makes my brusqueness more palatable to those who actually know me?

BrandonLPN, LPN · Apr 17, 2015

Not to argue or anything, but when I read this statement, the faces of three people who I am very fortunate to be friends with popped into my head. Two are nurses. Seriously, I've never seen or heard of them being unkind or disrespectful in their personal nor their professional lives, and I know them well enough to have made one of them my son's godmother and to know a couple of "secrets" from the other two.
These types of people do exist, but I can't honestly say that I'm one of them, although it's something I strive for.

hmm, perhaps they've always been kind and respectful when you've happened to be around them. And I'm sure they're wonderful people. But I doubt they're kind and respectful at all times. I'm not sure that's humanly possible.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Apr 17, 2015

I used to be snarkier both here and in everyday life (medication helped that, lol). Seriously though, I just grew up a little more and realized how I was coming across. That doesn't mean I sugarcoat things or that I won't be direct when the situation calls for it. But I know there's a big difference between being direct and being hurtful, and I try to remember that in all my dealings.I'm not perfect, but I do the best I can. That's all anyone can do.

Farawyn · Apr 17, 2015

I used to be snarkier both here and in everyday life (medication helped that, lol). Seriously though, I just grew up a little more and realized how I was coming across. That doesn't mean I sugarcoat things or that I won't be direct when the situation calls for it. But I know there's a big difference between being direct and being hurtful, and I try to remember that in all my dealings.I'm not perfect, but I do the best I can. That's all anyone can do.

I don't always do the best I can.

I can shut it down a bit more. I don't want to. My husband told me recently after a get together that I was very "boisterous."

I like me like that.

I won't ever try to be mean, but I am blunt and snarky. I tend to be the person that people say "I can't believe you just said that!" to.

(I'm also very loveable, and tend to be forgiven my big mouth very easily.)

Libby1987 · Apr 17, 2015

I definitely know someone who is kind and respectful at all times, and have known her for more than 25 yrs.

We started out working in home health together a year after we each graduated and I have known her at work all these years.

She's also the best friend I have ever had so I know her as a very close friend.

We had our babies together and are about to see our last graduated from high school so I have known her as a mother all of these years.

I know her work in the community, with the seniors and support groups. And with her family. She is our social worker and is

the glue in her immediate and extended families.

I would bet my life she has never been unkind or rude to anyone in the last 20 yrs (I'll give her the first 5 to fully mature).

They're rare but they're out there.

Sarah01s · Apr 17, 2015

I agree that you should always be honest in your answers on this site, but also sometimes people just take it too far with things. You don't have to be rude to tell your opinion on things. Also, If you're the one asking for advice on things, what do you expect??

Jules A, MSN · Apr 17, 2015

And on a side note for those that think posters are rude when they make note of things in the original post that wasn't directly sought out as items needing advice I would disagree. When I read a post I am dissecting it in my mind, not just taking it at face value. We are nurses and this is how we have been trained to view things. If a patient presents with a fever we don't just take their temperature and say "yup you got a fever" lets give you some ACTM to get the fever down. We take vitals, do a H&P, consider other signs and symptoms possibly order labs, right?

If someone is laying out a scenario that I feel I can offer some advice on and they have posted without the caveat that they just want to vent or are looking for cyber hugs I am going to answer regarding what sticks out to me without apology.

allnurses Guide · Apr 17, 2015

I guess I also look at it as a situation where we may all agree that some of our members are rude and insensitive, other than refraining from it ourselves, the alternative to it would be what? The fastest way to kill off a message board is to censor it, require moderator approval and the like. "Lively debate" presupposes people are going to disagree with you, and that alone frequently offends the OP. I hate to sound too preachy, but I know that if you can filter out pointless snarky replies you learn more from negative feedback if it provokes you to reflect on how you might approach your difficulty in a more effective way.

Jules A, MSN · Apr 17, 2015

I guess I also look at it as a situation where we may all agree that some of our members are rude and insensitive, other than refraining from it ourselves, the alternative to it would be what? The fastest way to kill off a message board is to censor it, require moderator approval and the like. "Lively debate" presupposes people are going to disagree with you, and that alone frequently offends the OP. I hate to sound too preachy, but I know that if you can filter out pointless snarky replies you learn more from negative feedback if it provokes you to reflect on how you might approach your difficulty in a more effective way.

Absolutely and I know a board that was huge years ago and when they started moderating it the climate not only changed but there was a mass exodus and I would guess they don't have 10% of the traffic they once did.

SmilingBluEyes · Apr 17, 2015

allnurses.com has a long history. Way back early in the 2000s, the moderation was decidedly heavier-handed than it is now. I think the mods do a pretty good job of keeping things on the up and up without excessive interference and needless censorship. Anyone who has been here greater than about 12 years can remember a mass uprising and exodus of some dis-satisfied forum members.

Things are much better today. The hard work the owner and mods put in is appreciated by me. I like that we can disagree, strongly, at times, but the debate is lively. Personal attacks have never been ok here. I am good with that.

At the end of it all, allnurses.com is a better place to be than ever.

tyvin, BSN, RN · Apr 17, 2015

I think, too, new members would do well to do a search of their topic before asking. Not that it justifies any rudeness, but if you ask, you will get answers.
Sometimes, the subject has been covered ad nauseum, and people get tired of seeing the same thing. On the other hand, we can all choose what threads in which we participate.
There is no call to be intentionally rude, and directly insult another. However, sugar-coating and saying what people want to hear is not "kind" either. Some people need to hear the truth, and as long as it's delivered honestly without direct, personal attacks, they would do well to take the words at their meaning and either incorporate them into their thoughts, or discard them as unhelpful.

There was thread a few months back that a member asked one of those "ad nauseam" subjects and the crowd went wild; I mean really wild :devil: ! Many posts responding in a vitriolic manner (IMO). The person who sincerely tried to educate the new poster, posted the past posts that had been done on the subject suggesting that new members do searches before posting subjects. The posts that followed slaughtered the message and it turned ugly.

My take is that if you see a subject that is one of those "ad nauseam" ones that activates your adrenal medulla...don't click on it :facepalm: . I do know that some of the responses that appear imperious are really sincere attempts to educate the newer nurses; yet the responses that follow don't echo the same sentiment and it's get ugly. It's also about online communication where nice comments can be interpreted in a bad way.

My take is; it's "ad nauseam" to see repeated attacks, on posters repeating "ad nauseam" subjects. With all the advances in health care, the new experiences, etc... if an "ad nauseam" subject is broached on this site, chances are there will be new insights and advice to go along with it.

Here's what I encourage anyone who wants to ask one of those ad nauseam questions; do the search; if there are multiple other posts on the subject, choose the one you like best and "'BUMP'" the thread. Than you're not really making a new post.

If you don't know how to bump a thread; look it up :bookworm: . Also, much of the sincere advice I see given on this site is advice about googling a subject or doing a search. If you can't do those, you have a long way to go in becoming a nurse.

I'll end my diatribe with what I think is one of the most important pieces of advice I can give nurses starting out in the field; don't take it personally. This is a business and you need to be able to take the good criticism, along with the bad, and not react emotionally (that's the patient's job).

:up: