Can we just agree, being honest is not akin to being "rude"?

[SmilingBluEyes]

I have noticed a rash of posters here asking for advice, opinions and help, only to get all puffed up when people are honest and frank in their replies.

Here is the basic rule on a general open forum such as this:

If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. If you cannot handle the truth, don't put your situation out there for general consumption.

Another fact: People don't have to agree with you to be helpful.

Seriously so much "butt hurt" that is so unnecessary.

I see a lot of helpful posters trying to answer questions honestly, only to be slammed for being "rude"......

Just keepin' it real and wondering if it's just me noticing a big trend here.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

Re: the whole rude answers thing.....

I think most of the time, when an OP gets blunt and sarcastic answers, it is because of the way they (the OP) phrased the question.

Or because they are asking something they know to be a hot button issue ("How do I politely tell my coworker she's too fat and setting a bad example?")

Or because they are posing leading, or loaded, questions. Or because they use text-speak that many of us find really annoying. Or, they got perfectly civil responses initially, but the responses become less civil as the OP makes it clear they only wanted answers that agreed with them.

I've seen very few threads where the OP asked an intelligent question in a civil manner, only to be attacked with rudeness. People who get cascades of "insulting" replies usually were asking for it one way or another.

Etiquette goes both ways. The responders have a responsibility to be polite. But the original posters also have a responsibility to not invite rudeness with they way they ask things.

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

LADYFREE!!!

Were your ears burning? I was JUST--JUST NOW--going to post "has anyone seen her anywhere, or might she be buried under the floorboards?"

[AZBlueBell]

I really didn't think my family was that weird, but maybe I'm wrong, because my grandparents spent a LOT of effort making sure their kids were not spoiled. My parents, especially my dad, put in a lot of effort to make sure I wasn't spoiled. And my children are definitely not spoiled.

Spoiled children, and the adults they become, are annoying as hell to be around. My family seems to have taken the position that prevention is the way to go. I never thought we were that strange, but maybe we are. In my family, if your kids are spoiled, you're failing as a parent, and you will be informed of that fact.

My husband and I teach a class of 4th graders at church, and when we mentioned chores, some of them didn't even know the word. Through discussion we found out none of them have any chores. Almost all these 9 and 10 year olds have smart phones. That was a real wake up call for my husband and I, about just how out of the mainstream we are.

Off topic but....Oh my gosh, no chores?! My 3 year old is already folding and putting away her own laundry LOL

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Wonderful comic strip in today's paper: Outraged-looking woman is making finger-quoties at a man holding some books in a school hallway, and saying, "What do you mean, helicopter parent? YOU'RE the one putting my child at risk of scurvy if I can't come in and start his orange!"

[toomuchbaloney]

I agree that some comments are intended to be harsh, maybe even rude and they read that way.

Some comments are intended to be brutally honest and informative and come across as lacking compassion or empathy, which is not the same as being rude.

Some people simply find any post responding to them, which disagrees with their point, to be rude.

[Coffee Nurse, BSN, RN]

Wonderful comic strip in today's paper: Outraged-looking woman is making finger-quoties at a man holding some books in a school hallway, and saying, "What do you mean, helicopter parent? YOU'RE the one putting my child at risk of scurvy if I can't come in and start his orange!"

Confession time: I'm nearly 30 and I still almost never eat oranges unless I'm with my dad and he's peeled it for me That's just a quirk between us, though. I promise otherwise I'm perfectly normal

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

I agree that some comments are intended to be harsh, maybe even rude and they read that way.

Some comments are intended to be brutally honest and informative and come across as lacking compassion or empathy, which is not the same as being rude.

Some people simply find any post responding to them, which disagrees with their point, to be rude.

All of which confirms the theory that rudeness is largely subjective, especially on an online medium where body language and context clues are lacking.

Some people find being corrected for improper grammar or text-speak to be rude. Others find using such grammar in the first place to be rude. Who's to say who's right?

[nursel56]

Rudeness, meanness, and insensitivity are more than just a purely subjective phenomenon, as you are appearing to portray.

I never said that, and perhaps if a majority of people subjectively conclude that a member here is rude, it becomes an objective phenomenon. When I read a post here, the value I place on it comes from a combination of things such as the experience a member brings with them. I place a very high value on experience. I also place a high value on posts that reflect an insightful viewpoint, and get to the heart of what is the true value of a specialized online forum, regardless of experience. Sometimes this includes people others call rude.

[CamillusRN, BSN]

Anyhow, I also agree, talking online, we can't see facial expressions . . .

But isn't that what those cute smileys are for?

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

I really didn't think my family was that weird, but maybe I'm wrong, because my grandparents spent a LOT of effort making sure their kids were not spoiled. My parents, especially my dad, put in a lot of effort to make sure I wasn't spoiled. And my children are definitely not spoiled.

Spoiled children, and the adults they become, are annoying as hell to be around. My family seems to have taken the position that prevention is the way to go. I never thought we were that strange, but maybe we are. In my family, if your kids are spoiled, you're failing as a parent, and you will be informed of that fact.

My husband and I teach a class of 4th graders at church, and when we mentioned chores, some of them didn't even know the word. Through discussion we found out none of them have any chores. Almost all these 9 and 10 year olds have smart phones. That was a real wake up call for my husband and I, about just how out of the mainstream we are.

I'm RIGHT there with ya.

I would have to agree with the idea that most think everyone ELSE'S kids are spoiled, but surely not their own. Too close to the problem to see it and all.

BUT (and that's where I get to insert a BIG BUT!) there really are those of us out there who honestly, guaranteed, are NOT spoiling our offspring. I knew this in the very early days of Baby Time and playdates. Observing the other toddlers and preschoolers at the playground, and watching the hissy fits in front of parents that pulled out endless toys and treats to stop the behavior....instead of doing what *I* would have done to stop it in its tracks.

I cannot judge every parent for how they handle their kids, I have NO doubt that I have been judged harshly (and quite wrongly) when a parent ignorant of what Autism is decides I'm not "handling him right". Whatever. I know my kids, and what to do to raise them to be decent human beings who do not torment others. And that will include the people who will become future classmates, colleagues, bosses :)

Both my kids are polite and respectful, and there isn't a spoiled bone between them; they are thankful for what they have and express as much. And take pride, THEY take pride, in pointing out a horrid behavior they observe and say "glad you didn't let ME get away with that, Mom!" Seriously. I'm not kidding.

So no, I don't think everyone thinks their kids are more spoiled than they were, and so on down the line. I wasn't spoiled myself, my husband was most certainly not raised to be spoiled, and both of us recognized the difference in our upbringing from many of our peers. And our kids recognize the difference even though neither of them can vote yet!

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

What is this "butthurt" you speak of?

butthurt = soreass?

JUST asking....... ;-)

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I "spoil" my kids when I can. I am very proud of the young people they have become. It is not without merit that if you take care of nice things, they last a really long time. It is also not without merit that I like to be able to be in constant contact if I need to be. Additionally, every single darn thing that kids are doing for schoolwork/homework is on a computer. And I don't feel as if I want the kids roaming all over for computer access outside of the house.

My children are fortunate. And they know and appreciate it. I was fortunate growing up. My fortunate was a car when I was 17.....my kids will take public transportation and would rather have a phone. All work, work hard, and we attempt to co-pay, help save...whatever. It is give and take. They are independent thinkers....but my voice is in the back of their heads causing them to take pause and think before they talk. They all have well controlled filters. And I expect nothing less. Period, end of story.

It is unbecoming to start pointing fingers and calling other's opinions rude. (Especially when it is one's opinion you are ASKING for) It is a reminder on how I expect them NOT to act. Builds character, tact. Which will get kids farther in this world than anything else.

I have been a parent my entire adult life. I would have it no other way. It is, even moreso than nursing even, what I am an expert on. Because of 28 years of 24/7 365. And I will tell you the best thing to give to your kids is the content of character that they need to function as adults who are trustworthy, strong, and polite.