I have noticed a rash of posters here asking for advice, opinions and help, only to get all puffed up when people are honest and frank in their replies.
Here is the basic rule on a general open forum such as this:
If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. If you cannot handle the truth, don't put your situation out there for general consumption.
Another fact: People don't have to agree with you to be helpful.
Seriously so much "butt hurt" that is so unnecessary.
I see a lot of helpful posters trying to answer questions honestly, only to be slammed for being "rude"......
Just keepin' it real and wondering if it's just me noticing a big trend here.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
ALSO the younger generation is gonna have to learn, you don't get a prize for showing up. No one is giving you a plaque for making it to work and performing as expected. You are going to have to learn to take satisfaction internally, and not depend on people lavishing praise on you to get through your day. It's a tough lesson but things will go better if you learn it.
Which is AWESOME. BUT, are they able to take constructive feedback that isn't ego-stroking (bordering on heiney-kissing? Thanking them for the opportunity to get to work with them?) The younger generation certainly can happily accept your lavish accolades, but the true test is if they can handle the opposite.
Already seeing it. It's a real clash of values. The older generation who takes satisfaction from doing a job well, and the younger one that responds very much to positive feedback/input.
I think we can get along if we understand the differences among us and try hard to see where everyone is coming from.
I know my younger coworkers respond very well to positive feedback from me. I have learned to praise their good works, often, and thank them each day when it's over, for the opportunity to work with them.
It works well. I get along with the younger ones and I have noticed they really do try hard to work well with me, and are great coworkers.
We ALL like to be appreciated. Just some of us see "appreciation" differently. We have to bridge those gaps somehow, cause we are going to be working together for a long time. Retirement is a LONG way off for me. I have to learn how the younger generation thinks and work with I have got.
Being a Gen-X'er myself I know we are raising/have raised our younger generation....we have to face what has come about. I am not a Boomer, nor am I a millenial. I do see both "sides" here.
WE made mistakes like every generation does, in raising our kids. However, IF we bother to learn what motivates and satisfies them, it will be win-win.
First I do agree that when you post on the public internet, you are going to get many different opinions from many different aspects. Some of this is great as often I read answers to a standard question and then go "wow" I never would have thought of that solution.
Second, since this is the internet, we don't have the advantage of visual cues from body language. Again, i know myself when I look at some of my answers, they come across or are interpreted completely different than how I meant them to be.
Some hints I've used that seem to work:
1. I re-read my answers before pushing the "post" button. This way I can catch some of the silly auto-corrects that render my post unintelligible - lol.
2. If I see that my post was misinterpreted, I go back to the thread and try to clarify it. Sometimes I have to apologize if I initially misinterpreted the original tone that the poster was trying to convey.
3. We all have "hot button" items that are bound to cause us to write fast and furious only to regret it later. I have to choose between passing these topics by and/or I really have to consciously slow myself down in order to not look like an idiot.
4. If I have nothing positive to add or at least propose a solution, I pass that thread by.
5. We all have different experiences and different points of view so being respectful is of the utmost importance online.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I only disagree with the "having something positive" to add, Trauma.
Because what is "positive" is not the same thing for all people.
To me, being honest with me, when I ASK for help on a public form IS positive. Sure I may not like what they say, but I take it into consideration. To another person it may mean, "do not say anything I don't want to hear". Unrealistic.
I think being "MATURE" is a far more attainable goal on any forum.
Being mature enough to know people are not going to stroke your ego and tell you are right when you are wrong, is EXTREMELY helpful. The onus is on each of us to take what we can use, and discard the rest.
No one has the absolute right not to be offended. They do have the right to move on and walk away, if they are. Saying "goodnight Gracie" can be very effective. And then you say no more on the subject.
ALSO the younger generation is gonna have to learn, you don't get a prize for showing up. No one is giving you a plaque for making it to work and performing as expected. You are going to have to learn to take satisfaction internally, and not depend on people lavishing praise on you to get through your day. It's a tough lesson but things will go better if you learn it.
I recall a thread posted in which the OP (an LPN) stated she wasn't being paid what she was worth, she wanted the "flexibility" of being an RN but she had no intention of going back to school. She simply wanted more money. And this mysterious "flexibility".
Why wasn't she paid what she was worth? It appeared that her statement that she worked hard, so she should be paid more, was enough. She was told to take a look around and see what others with her license were being paid, and see if her employer measured up. She was told to look into another kind of work, maybe a change would improve her outlook. But without doing the WORK, putting in the EFFORT, why....she WASN'T worth more than she was being paid. Frankly, can't be all that certain she was worth WHAT she was being paid, but that's just my guess.
Point is, it's cropping up more and more, this attitude that if any effort is put in, that in and of itself deserves extra credit. And effort, by itself, should lead to rewards even if the effort isn't up to the standard. Example of that would be nursing (and pre-nursing) school: there are many who are angry that they have put in the effort, been working hard at their studies, but don't get better grades. And complain as though they DESERVE something more and the instructor OWES it to them to give them more.....because, after all, they tried. Genuine chagrine at being told that they are simply not in the top 10%, so aren't getting the placement they wanted. But they WANT it, they STUDIED for it....why can't that be recognized? Answer: because the end result is the measurement that counts. And not everyone can win, no matter how hard they ran the race!
Getting a trophy just for participation in the game, not proficiency at the game, sure isn't doing our society any good.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
There are two sides of the issue:
First I do agree that when you post on the public internet, you are going to get many different opinions from many different aspects. Some of this is great as often I read answers to a standard question and then go "wow" I never would have thought of that solution.
Second, since this is the internet, we don't have the advantage of visual cues from body language. Again, i know myself when I look at some of my answers, they come across or are interpreted completely different than how I meant them to be.
Some hints I've used that seem to work:
1. I re-read my answers before pushing the "post" button. This way I can catch some of the silly auto-corrects that render my post unintelligible - lol.
2. If I see that my post was misinterpreted, I go back to the thread and try to clarify it. Sometimes I have to apologize if I initially misinterpreted the original tone that the poster was trying to convey.
3. We all have "hot button" items that are bound to cause us to write fast and furious only to regret it later. I have to choose between passing these topics by and/or I really have to consciously slow myself down in order to not look like an idiot.
4. If I have nothing positive to add or at least propose a solution, I pass that thread by.
5. We all have different experiences and different points of view so being respectful is of the utmost importance online.
Many times, #4 has saved me.
There is no possible way to phrase your responses so that NO ONE is ever offended. If, by some chance, someone has not claimed to be offended by THIS post, you'll get two or three offended by your next well-meant post. And no way to clarify so that EVERYONE understands. That's the nature of the internet. You can, however, try to come across as well-reasoned and well-meaning to MOST.
As far as #4 -- sometimes those threads are just too entertaining to pass up.
Every generation thinks the next one is spoiled and entitled; maybe not their own kids, but certainly kids in general. Your parents thought you were spoiled. Your grandparents thought your parents were spoiled. Cave kids who grew up with fire were probably considered spoiled by their cave parents, who didn't have luxuries like fire and cooked meat. It's the circle of life.
Cave kids who grew up with fire were probably considered spoiled by their cave parents, who didn't have luxuries like fire and cooked meat. It's the circle of life.
...and now I have a new favorite saying for my wall
On an internet forum, when one starts a thread or posts a comment/reply, people will respond according to their experience, values and beliefs. Participants on an internet forum should be prepared to experience a great diversity of responses, ranging from outright disagreement and opposition, to agreement and support. This is to be expected. I agree with those who say that once you start a thread, or post a comment, it is no longer your own. If one is not prepared to receive responses of this varying nature, I think one should really consider if one should make the post. The internet is not a support group, and though one may encounter like-minded responses, one must be prepared to receive the opposite.
However, I do find it unnecessary, and sometimes offensive, when some posters post their personal judgements about other posters (not just their judgements about the subject the poster has spoken about, but actual judgements about the poster, in a rude, insensitive, manner, particularly when the person has not asked for feedback on their behavior). At times this has descended to the level of insults, often observed when the party delivering the insult is frustrated with the argument or appears to be "losing" in the discussion. And some people are just plainly rude to other people who oppose their point of view.
Every generation thinks the next one is spoiled and entitled; maybe not their own kids, but certainly kids in general. Your parents thought you were spoiled. Your grandparents thought your parents were spoiled. Cave kids who grew up with fire were probably considered spoiled by their cave parents, who didn't have luxuries like fire and cooked meat. It's the circle of life.
ABSOLUTELY!
Read articles and commentary from every single part of history and you will see a theme of every generation thinking the next is spoiled/lazy/entitled.
Your parents thought you were spoiled. Your grandparents thought your parents were spoiled.
I really didn't think my family was that weird, but maybe I'm wrong, because my grandparents spent a LOT of effort making sure their kids were not spoiled. My parents, especially my dad, put in a lot of effort to make sure I wasn't spoiled. And my children are definitely not spoiled.
Spoiled children, and the adults they become, are annoying as hell to be around. My family seems to have taken the position that prevention is the way to go. I never thought we were that strange, but maybe we are. In my family, if your kids are spoiled, you're failing as a parent, and you will be informed of that fact.
My husband and I teach a class of 4th graders at church, and when we mentioned chores, some of them didn't even know the word. Through discussion we found out none of them have any chores. Almost all these 9 and 10 year olds have smart phones. That was a real wake up call for my husband and I, about just how out of the mainstream we are.
Being an older second-career nursing student, I would add that nursing can definitely feel like you're doing everything wrong when you start out. I am not particularly sensitive to criticism nor do I expect a lot of praise. I have had good working relationships with instructors and in my job as a CNA for 2 years. Now working on a hospital floor as a tech, it is difficult to maintain energy through the shift when you're constantly being corrected by nurses who want you to do things their way (we're talking minor things, not safety issues). I would say I have never worked in this type of environment that leaves you feeling like you can't do anything right. I think there is benefit for nurses to take the time to say something positive in addition to correcting new nurses. Otherwise the job can be very demoralizing and it is difficult for the new nurse to continue to try their best.
SmilingBluEyes
20,964 Posts
ALSO the younger generation is gonna have to learn, you don't get a prize for showing up. No one is giving you a plaque for making it to work and performing as expected. You are going to have to learn to take satisfaction internally, and not depend on people lavishing praise on you to get through your day. It's a tough lesson but things will go better if you learn it.