Boyfriend wants me to stay away

JadedCPN, BSN, RN · Mar 25, 2020

14 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:
Any ideas how to tell the bf he needs to step it up? Contrary to popular belief, I am not needy and hate to ask for things--but I am willing to, to let him know what I need from him during this time to feel loved.

I’ve asked/suggested before on this thread but have been ignored...have you and him had a direct blunt honest conversation about this? If not, that’s probably what is needed. That way he knows how you are feeling, and also so you can discuss your expectations and wants from him.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP · Mar 25, 2020

9 hours ago, kimandthekinks said:
People in here were really bashing your character and then calling you immature for responding back to their backlash... WOW!. News flash y’all, people have different love languages. Maybe she likes personal interactions and you guys could care less. No one is more mature than the other either way.

In regards to your post, my bf would not mind. He’d see me through it all. If this bothers you and a conversation with him still leaves you disappointed I would say you guys won’t work out and sometimes it’s best to do the cutting off before it gets too difficult. It’s only been a year, but you being a nurse should have already been established. This is not the first and last time we will have an epidemic. If you haven’t really discussed with him how this makes you feel, please do. If the conversation does not come to some kind of resolution... and in your defense again, if I was refusing to see my partner because of this (because he does technically have a valid reason) as you stated I would absolutely do nice gestures to at least show you I care from a far. No, phone calls and facetime is not the same. Everything else around us is changing and I don’t blame you for at least wanting your relationship constant.

Hi kimandthekinks! Yeah, momma didn't raise me to just lay down and take it ?

He loves that I am a nurse (now NP), he has always respected it so much, which is why now I am like well? this is part of the territory.

I have talked to him and explained why I was hurt when he didn't want to see me (I did NOT go to his house, and I DID respect his decision to stay away as one poster wrongfully believed and accused me of being a walking red flag). I think he understands why I was hurt and that he may be overreacting (if I gave away his job, it would make nurses go OH I KNOW THE TYPE...best and worst patients) but now I am waiting for him to make a move.

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it.

13 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:
Unfortunately, from what you've described, he has shown his true colors. Sorry. My hubby told me the other day, if either of us get sick, no sleeping in another room or staying away. We get sick together, we recuperate together.

This is couple goals. True partners.

2BS Nurse, BSN · Mar 26, 2020

I'm really sorry this is happening to you... and probably so many other relationships out there. I wish it was going to get better soon. Buckle in and stay strong. This too shall pass.

Guest219794 · Mar 26, 2020

On 3/23/2020 at 8:09 AM, LauRN3367 said:
I think that’s why it hurts me. I’m looking for support and I don’t feel like he is giving it to me. Not only will he refuse to see me, but he hasn’t done anything nice to show he supports me. Sure he’s a great listener and we do text through the whole thing but no sweet gesture of a card or Venmo money for coffee or flowers etc.

I was never much for dating, but I understand there are two main points:

1- Fun and companionship now.

2- Test drive to see if you found a keeper.

"Not only will he refuse to see me, but he hasn’t done anything nice to show he supports me."

Don't expect this to change.

Editorial Team / Admin · Mar 26, 2020

On 3/22/2020 at 4:34 PM, LauRN3367 said:
Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me?

Have you talked with him about this being difficult for you? Right now, he's focused on his own concerns and may not have been able to pick up on this if you haven't been explicit in telling him.

I think the two of you are going to need to come to a compromise. It looks like you absolutely want to spend time with him and he absolutely wants to stay away. As with many other things in a relationship, this is going to be a give and take scenario. How much are you each willing to give in this case?

Personally, I have distanced myself from my entire family. My dad is recently widowed, diabetic, and possibly has other underlying things. I absolutely do not want to risk him getting this, especially from me. My job isn't in direct patient care, but I am in the trenches supporting staff. I can see where your boyfriend is coming from with the concerns. On the other hand, human contact is necessary. For me, that means setting up a family dinner to take place on zoom- each branch of the family can set up a computer/tablet/phone and join in virtually. I can live without the physical presence. Is that something you're willing to compromise on for a period of time?

CaffeinePOQ4HPRN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Mar 26, 2020

On 3/22/2020 at 4:34 PM, LauRN3367 said:
Looking for advice. My boyfriend is terrified of getting the Coronavirus and therefore has told me that he doesn’t want to see me until this blows over. I work inpatient, my hospital has covid patients but I am not directly caring for them. I can’t help but be hurt- I tried seeing him and stopping by his house but he’s hesitating. Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me? Is anyone else dealing with this?

His fears are not unwarranted. I recognize your feeling hurt, and I understand why but I would say try to think of the bigger picture... we can't let our personal needs for say physical connection or closeness take precedence over public health needs.

Try to connect with your boyfriend via social media (ex. Facetime) as often as possible. You can use Netflixparty.com to have movie dates--I've been using it and it's actually a lot of fun. It's not a comfortable place to be in but we all have to adapt to this new "normal", albeit uncomfortable, way of life.

Personally, I have physically distanced myself from all of my friends and family. It's the responsible thing to do.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP · Mar 26, 2020

1 hour ago, CaffeinePOQ4HPRN said:
His fears are not unwarranted. I recognize your feeling hurt, and I understand why but I would say try to think of the bigger picture... we can't let our personal needs for say physical connection or closeness take precedence over public health needs.
Try to connect with your boyfriend via social media (ex. Facetime) as often as possible. You can use Netflixparty.com to have movie dates--I've been using it and it's actually a lot of fun. It's not a comfortable place to be in but we all have to adapt to this new "normal", albeit uncomfortable, way of life.
Personally, I have physically distanced myself from all of my friends and family. It's the responsible thing to do.

So awesome! I had never heard of netflixparty.com! Will absolutely be checking that out!! Thank you!

anononurse · Mar 26, 2020

I understand his being concerned, we all have family that are. However, if everyone’s family or significant other wanted us (nurses,doctors,first responders,etc.) to stay home, this situation would never improve. We went into this field to help others.

Ikea Monkey · Mar 26, 2020

GEEEZ what was up with all that unnecessary backlash?!? It's not like she's asking for makeout sessions and s*x ?

Anyways, first off, I wanted to say I'm sorry to see you had to deal with this.
In my situation, it's the other way around. I've haven't been in contact with a covid patient, but if I did, I told my boyfriend that as much as I don't want to kick him out, I suggested him to move with his mom. He firmly said he wasn't going and he would risk it by staying with me.

For the meantime, I think he can do cute and thoughtful things like send love letters, send a teddy with his scent/voice, or he visited you through the window like this guy: https://youtu.be/JQBFCjLR97U
Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this, but remember, you're not alone *HUGS*

CaffeinePOQ4HPRN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Mar 26, 2020

1 hour ago, Ikea Monkey said:
GEEEZ what was up with all that unnecessary backlash?!? It's not like she's asking for makeout sessions and s*x ?

Anyways, first off, I wanted to say I'm sorry to see you had to deal with this.
In my situation, it's the other way around. I've haven't been in contact with a covid patient, but if I did, I told my boyfriend that as much as I don't want to kick him out, I suggested him to move with his mom. He firmly said he wasn't going and he would risk it by staying with me.

For the meantime, I think he can do cute and thoughtful things like send love letters, send a teddy with his scent/voice, or he visited you through the window like this guy: https://youtu.be/JQBFCjLR97U
Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this, but remember, you're not alone *HUGS*

Oh gawd, that video is both sweet and incredibly heartbreaking ??

GrumpyRN, NP · Mar 26, 2020

Coronavirus: US overtakes China with most cases.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-52056586

Do you still want to breach social distancing advice because you feel a bit lonely?

kimandthekinks · Mar 26, 2020

I think you got this point on this thread though, seems you’re still getting backlash. Social distancing is very important, but I still see my friends and family and spouse because I am aware of their social hygiene and my family and friends I support.

Hope you guys work out or the situation works out the best for you. During these hard times, sending you virtual love. ❤️