Boyfriend wants me to stay away

Wuzzie · Mar 24, 2020

7 hours ago, TheLastUnicorn said:
As a warning; this will be harsh.
I'm sorry, I see nothing wrong with his request and I actually think you're kinda terrible for your "but what about me! but what about me!" clingy attitude. What about HIM?! Your boyfriend has genuine fear and concern, he asked you to give him space...he explained why, he told you directly his concerns; and you literally went to his house anyway to stare at him through a car window because you just NEEDED to see him and facetime isn't good enough? That is so incredibly selfish of you and borders on red flag behavior IMO. You sound like a teenager, honestly.

Your post might have been helpful if you had left out this part. It really was unnecessary and unkind. And may I point out you ended up sacrificing nothing.

I have to wonder if most of the people responding are married or living with their SO's. If that is the case perhaps it might be helpful to imagine going home after a scary, stressful day and living in the garage with absolutely no face-to-face with your loved ones. I mean zero not even 6ft apart. No talking, no touching, no seeing, eating alone and sleeping alone for an indeterminate period of time. Some experts are saying this could last up to 18 months. Only interaction is phone calls and FaceTime. After a few days of this there's a good bet you'll become desperate for something...anything and I think this is where the OP is right now. Cut her some slack and be thankful that even if you have to sit across the room from your loved ones at least they are with you.

To the OP. While you may not be able to be with your BF for the time being if he was worth anything he would be stepping up on the little things to make you feel loved and secure. This is a bad omen.

kp2016 · Mar 24, 2020

... maybe he has a point. Maybe the posters who have suggested you are being unreasonable to expect him to share your exposure have a point. But bottom line is, he is your boyfriend and has insisted on distancing himself from you in a very stressful time when you could really use some love and support.

That last sentence is probably all you really need to know about him and his commitment to his relationship with you. I personally would not be super keen to continue a relationship with someone who didn't consider us a team who were in it together.

Rosalie Blythe, BSN, RN · Mar 24, 2020

*Hug* I heard you and I can relate. My boyfriend family told my boyfriend that “given the current circumstance, Its best for me not to go to his house because I am a hospital nurse.” I am also hurt and feel insulted because I feel like all of the sudden I am discriminated because of my professon. I work in an endoscopy outpatient unit and I am relatively low risk. But hearing this comment from them...especially from my boyfriend who have said their family consider me as part of the family. I am sorry, its too hypercritical and I am just disappointed and disgusted. Dont see them as the same again and had a fight with my boyfriend because my boyfriend also cancelled all our plans and we now stop seeing each other. He said that we should listen to our government and self-isolated and stay home. I am heartbroken and in tears. I really want him to reconsider if he can handle his partner being a nurse because there might be another pandemic after coronavirus-19. If I am going to take him as my husband in the future, the last thing I want will be not to lose support and love from my partner. We don’t deserve to have selfish partners.

Rosalie Blythe, BSN, RN · Mar 24, 2020

20 hours ago, ThePrincessBride said:
I'm going against the grain here and say that he isn't worth a long-term relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years and we live together. He has been nothing but supportive.
It seems as though this guy isn't the type to be there through thick and thin. Cut him loose. You deserve better.

18 hours ago, Serhilda said:
Would he have this same attitude if you were married? Would he stand by you "in sickness and in health?" He has yet to take those vows, but if marriage is in the back of your mind with this guy, I don't see his stance changing. Personally, I wouldn't care to wait and find out.

17 hours ago, LauRN3367 said:
Exactly. His terror of getting sick + potentially marrying a nurse = mixed bag. Thank you for your reply Serhilda. Be well.

That’s so true. Thats my augment too. Although I personally believe that by default being committed in a serious relationship implied that both sides should stand by each other in sickness and in health...or if not, whats the point?

By the way,

17 hours ago, LauRN3367 said:
You are kindly invited to stop following this thread, as you are the exact type of person I care not to interact with.

Honestly, I agree that OP do not need any rude, unfriendly and unconstructive comments. Nice come back and I am glad you stand up for yourself and your belief.

Rosalie Blythe, BSN, RN · Mar 24, 2020

On 3/23/2020 at 10:33 AM, TriciaJ said:
Well, there's a reason he's your boyfriend and not your husband or domestic partner. Dating is all about gathering information.
This pandemic gave you the opportunity to gather more information about him. Maybe there are elderly people in his life that he wants to protect. He gets marks for that. But then he can come up with creative little gestures for helping you feel cared for and supported. Sounds like he's flunking that.
Now you have a bit more to go on when deciding if he's the one to make long term plans with. Unfortunately that leaves you high and dry at the moment when a little support would have gone a long way. Hang in there.

5 hours ago, Wuzzie said:
Your post might have been helpful if you had left out this part. It really was unnecessary and unkind. And may I point out you ended up sacrificing nothing.
I have to wonder if most of the people responding are married or living with their SO's. If that is the case perhaps it might be helpful to imagine going home after a scary, stressful day and living in the garage with absolutely no face-to-face with your loved ones. I mean zero not even 6ft apart. No talking, no touching, no seeing, eating alone and sleeping alone for an indeterminate period of time. Some experts are saying this could last up to 18 months. Only interaction is phone calls and FaceTime. After a few days of this there's a good bet you'll become desperate for something...anything and I think this is where the OP is right now. Cut her some slack and be thankful that even if you have to sit across the room from your loved ones at least they are with you.
To the OP. While you may not be able to be with your BF for the time being if he was worth anything he would be stepping up on the little things to make you feel loved and secure. This is a bad omen.

I personally want to thank you @TriciaJ and @Wuzzie. Your comments are very helpful in OP's situation and my situation. If OP is looking for their advices, read what they have said. You two gives helpful, honest advices and shows empathy, which is what we need in this discussion (and nursing)

Rosalie Blythe, BSN, RN · Mar 24, 2020

2 hours ago, Rosalie Blythe said:
*Hug* I heard you and I can relate. My boyfriend family told my boyfriend that “given the current circumstance, Its best for me not to go to his house because I am a hospital nurse.” I am also hurt and feel insulted because I feel like all of the sudden I am discriminated because of my professon. I work in an endoscopy outpatient unit and I am relatively low risk. But hearing this comment from them...especially from my boyfriend who have said their family consider me as part of the family. I am sorry, its too hypercritical and I am just disappointed and disgusted. Dont see them as the same again and had a fight with my boyfriend because my boyfriend also cancelled all our plans and we now stop seeing each other. He said that we should listen to our government and self-isolated and stay home. I am heartbroken and in tears. I really want him to reconsider if he can handle his partner being a nurse because there might be another pandemic after coronavirus-19. If I am going to take him as my husband in the future, the last thing I want will be not to lose support and love from my partner. We don’t deserve to have selfish partners.

I want to clarify before others start commenting. I understand the risks and I have been practicing social distance and self-isolate myself at home but for my boyfriend's parents to state bluntly that I am not welcome in their house anymore because I am a hospital nurse...well, clearly they don't want their son to have a nurse girlfriend. It is the stigmatization of me being in healthcare from his parents that really hurts me. I haven't tried or thought to go to my boyfriend's house ever since this pandemic has officially been declared by WHO and the government. However, I will be uninterested to go to my boyfriend's house and see his parents again even after this pandemic.

As for my boyfriend, yes he is right about the social distance, but my problem with him is the same with OP, he did not show any support and love for me other than practicing social distance, which is why I am heartbroken and in tears...not because we are no longer seeing each other, but the minimal effort that he is putting in to make up for that. We were a quite loving couple and had no problem prior to this pandemic. I just couldn't help but to question if he is just one of those people who usually show true colors when their lives are put on the line against others. I am yet to find out.

gcupid · Mar 25, 2020

On 3/22/2020 at 1:34 PM, LauRN3367 said:
Looking for advice. My boyfriend is terrified of getting the Coronavirus and therefore has told me that he doesn’t want to see me until this blows over. I work inpatient, my hospital has covid patients but I am not directly caring for them. I can’t help but be hurt- I tried seeing him and stopping by his house but he’s hesitating. Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me? Is anyone else dealing with this?

This is a warning sign to potential issues later in the relationship. His concerns doesn’t lack merit but what if you were his wife? What if you guys had kids?

Could it be that he’s looking for a reason to spend time away from u? Is there a trust issue? Is he looking for a way out?

I think I would respect his decision for space but also be looking for a way to head out of the relationship and distance myself as well unless he goes overboard with gifts and compromises once this situation is over.

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Mar 25, 2020

9 hours ago, Rosalie Blythe said:
I just couldn't help but to question if he is just one of those people who usually show true colors when their lives are put on the line against others. I am yet to find out.

Unfortunately, from what you've described, he has shown his true colors. Sorry. My hubby told me the other day, if either of us get sick, no sleeping in another room or staying away. We get sick together, we recuperate together.

kimandthekinks · Mar 25, 2020

People in here were really bashing your character and then calling you immature for responding back to their backlash... WOW!!. News flash y’all, people have different love languages. Maybe she likes personal interactions and you guys could care less. No one is more mature than the other either way.

In regards to your post, my bf would not mind. He’d see me through it all. If this bothers you and a conversation with him still leaves you disappointed I would say you guys won’t work out and sometimes it’s best to do the cutting off before it gets too difficult. It’s only been a year, but you being a nurse should have already been established. This is not the first and last time we will have an epidemic. If you haven’t really discussed with him how this makes you feel, please do. If the conversation does not come to some kind of resolution... and in your defense again, if I was refusing to see my partner because of this (because he does technically have a valid reason) as you stated I would absolutely do nice gestures to at least show you I care from a far. No, phone calls and facetime is not the same. Everything else around us is changing and I don’t blame you for at least wanting your relationship constant.

BSN-to-MSN, ADN, BSN, RN · Mar 25, 2020

I'm sorry, that does make you feel awful.

If it was me (personal opinion here!), I would dump the boyfriend. He has the right to be selfish, you have the right to move on.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP · Mar 25, 2020

On 3/24/2020 at 6:32 AM, Wuzzie said:
Your post might have been helpful if you had left out this part. It really was unnecessary and unkind. And may I point out you ended up sacrificing nothing.
I have to wonder if most of the people responding are married or living with their SO's. If that is the case perhaps it might be helpful to imagine going home after a scary, stressful day and living in the garage with absolutely no face-to-face with your loved ones. I mean zero not even 6ft apart. No talking, no touching, no seeing, eating alone and sleeping alone for an indeterminate period of time. Some experts are saying this could last up to 18 months. Only interaction is phone calls and FaceTime. After a few days of this there's a good bet you'll become desperate for something...anything and I think this is where the OP is right now. Cut her some slack and be thankful that even if you have to sit across the room from your loved ones at least they are with you.
To the OP. While you may not be able to be with your BF for the time being if he was worth anything he would be stepping up on the little things to make you feel loved and secure. This is a bad omen.

Thank you so much Wuzzie. This is exactly how I am feeling. What I would GIVE to even be under the same roof as one of my loved ones right now. Thank God I have great coworkers.

Any ideas how to tell the bf he needs to step it up? Contrary to popular belief, I am not needy and hate to ask for things--but I am willing to, to let him know what I need from him during this time to feel loved.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP · Mar 25, 2020

14 hours ago, gcupid said:
This is a warning sign to potential issues later in the relationship. His concerns doesn’t lack merit but what if you were his wife? What if you guys had kids?

Could it be that he’s looking for a reason to spend time away from u? Is there a trust issue? Is he looking for a way out?

I think I would respect his decision for space but also be looking for a way to head out of the relationship and distance myself as well unless he goes overboard with gifts and compromises once this situation is over.

Hi gcupid! Def no trust issue, I know he really does love me and I 100% trust him to tell me if something else was going on.

I think that's where I am at now, my eyes are open and waiting for him to make a move to show support in another way if he doesn't want to see me. Sort of like a long distance relationship- you still have to do things to make each other feel present and loved if you are not going to physically be in each other's company. Thank you for your input.