Boyfriend wants me to stay away

Posted
by LauRN3367 LauRN3367, MSN, NP Member

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 10 years experience.

Looking for advice. My boyfriend is terrified of getting the Coronavirus and therefore has told me that he doesn’t want to see me until this blows over. I work inpatient, my hospital has covid patients but I am not directly caring for them. I can’t help but be hurt- I tried seeing him and stopping by his house but he’s hesitating. Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me? Is anyone else dealing with this?

canoehead, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 30 years experience. 6,837 Posts

This is going to be a recurring theme in your relationship, because you will always have patients with one bug or another. I'm willing to bet there will be a new virus every few years as well. You can agree on precautions in order to have a face to face talk, and give him some links to research about how to protect both of you.

NurseAngelina11

NurseAngelina11

Specializes in High-risk OB, Labor & Delivery. Has 5 years experience. 94 Posts

I work directly with suspected covid patients at my hospital and I live and work at the epicenter of the covid outbreak in the Bay Area. I have the opposite problem, and actually had to turn down my dates, because I know I am a risk and I do it to protect THEM from ME, as I understand that I may be an asymptomatic carrier, given my high risk for exposure.

I would reassure your boyfriend that you aren't working directly with covid patients and that may help ease his fears. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, but try your best to not take it personally and understand that some people are more fearful because of the unknown than others. This is a time of mass hysteria.

I asked the guy I'm dating if he was afraid of me. He told me today "you take care of yourself, so I'm honestly not too worried if you get the bug." That said, I won't see him for months until I know am I safe.

MunoRN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care. Has 10 years experience. 8,058 Posts

I don't think you're boyfriend is being unreasonable, you shouldn't have to be asked not to go to anyone's house right now.

caliotter3

38,333 Posts

If it was your granddad, grandmom, mom, dad, or brother, would you have the same outlook? It is wise to protect your family. Facetime and Skype should still be working. Many people don't have those luxuries.

mimibrown

mimibrown, ADN, BSN

Specializes in Med-Surg. Has 8 years experience. 73 Posts

I would have a hard time with my boyfriend taking this stance. I have the same concerns about getting someone sick. Everyone in my life is practicing social distancing, except my boyfriend. We don’t live together, but he still comes over as usual. He says he doesn’t care about getting sick and he wants to support me. I would seriously consider if this man is in it for the long haul.

LauRN3367

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 10 years experience. 33 Posts

8 hours ago, MunoRN said:

I don't think you're boyfriend is being unreasonable, you shouldn't have to be asked not to go to anyone's house right now.

I should have been more clear, I told him I was going to stay in my car I just wanted to see him. I obviously am also practicing social distancing.

LauRN3367

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 10 years experience. 33 Posts

15 minutes ago, mimibrown said:

I would have a hard time with my boyfriend taking this stance. I have the same concerns about getting someone sick. Everyone in my life is practicing social distancing, except my boyfriend. We don’t live together, but he still comes over as usual. He says he doesn’t care about getting sick and he wants to support me. I would seriously consider if this man is in it for the long haul.

I think that’s why it hurts me. I’m looking for support and I don’t feel like he is giving it to me. Not only will he refuse to see me, but he hasn’t done anything nice to show he supports me. Sure he’s a great listener and we do text through the whole thing but no sweet gesture of a card or Venmo money for coffee or flowers etc.

LauRN3367

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 10 years experience. 33 Posts

7 hours ago, caliotter3 said:

If it was your granddad, grandmom, mom, dad, or brother, would you have the same outlook? It is wise to protect your family. Facetime and Skype should still be working. Many people don't have those luxuries.

I should’ve been more clear in my initial post, I told him I would stay in the car. No touching nothing. But that is a good point about other family members and if I would feel the same sense of hurt. I wouldn’t feel hurt if it were any of my family members. But a boyfriend is a different type of relationship and I guess I have different expectations of effort.

LauRN3367

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 10 years experience. 33 Posts

9 hours ago, AngelNurse2b said:

I work directly with suspected covid patients at my hospital and I live and work at the epicenter of the covid outbreak in the Bay Area. I have the opposite problem, and actually had to turn down my dates, because I know I am a risk and I do it to protect THEM from ME, as I understand that I may be an asymptomatic carrier, given my high risk for exposure.

I would reassure your boyfriend that you aren't working directly with covid patients and that may help ease his fears. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, but try your best to not take it personally and understand that some people are more fearful because of the unknown than others. This is a time of mass hysteria.

I asked the guy I'm dating if he was afraid of me. He told me today "you take care of yourself, so I'm honestly not too worried if you get the bug." That said, I won't see him for months until I know am I safe.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Stay safe out there. This is a time of mass hysteria. I guess I take for granted that I understand medicine and although I am also scared, I am not at the point of hysterics. At this point, since I’m not working directly with them, I feel I have just as much of a chance catching covid at work as I do getting groceries. But I do know that you can’t catch covid through a car door ?

LauRN3367

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 10 years experience. 33 Posts

12 hours ago, canoehead said:

This is going to be a recurring theme in your relationship, because you will always have patients with one bug or another. I'm willing to bet there will be a new virus every few years as well. You can agree on precautions in order to have a face to face talk, and give him some links to research about how to protect both of you.

That is a great idea. He is very much evidence based so he would read an article and follow it for sure. I actually brought that up last night to him- what if this happens again etc. and he had a very P.C answer.

GrumpyRN, NP

Specializes in Emergency Department. Has 40 years experience. 1,213 Posts

14 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:

But I do know that you can’t catch covid through a car door ?

Right, because the virus doesn't survive on the door handles or other surfaces. :no:

(The new coronavirus can survive on hard surfaces such as plastic and stainless steel for up to 72 hours and on cardboard for up to 24 hours.)

I get that you are upset but you should understand social distancing, it appears your boyfriend does. What happened to Skype or face-time or just a good old fashioned phone call?