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Boyfriend wants me to stay away

Posted

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

Looking for advice. My boyfriend is terrified of getting the Coronavirus and therefore has told me that he doesn’t want to see me until this blows over. I work inpatient, my hospital has covid patients but I am not directly caring for them. I can’t help but be hurt- I tried seeing him and stopping by his house but he’s hesitating. Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me? Is anyone else dealing with this?

canoehead, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 30 years experience.

This is going to be a recurring theme in your relationship, because you will always have patients with one bug or another. I'm willing to bet there will be a new virus every few years as well. You can agree on precautions in order to have a face to face talk, and give him some links to research about how to protect both of you.

AngelNurse2b

Specializes in High-risk OB, Labor & Delivery. Has 5 years experience.

I work directly with suspected covid patients at my hospital and I live and work at the epicenter of the covid outbreak in the Bay Area. I have the opposite problem, and actually had to turn down my dates, because I know I am a risk and I do it to protect THEM from ME, as I understand that I may be an asymptomatic carrier, given my high risk for exposure.

I would reassure your boyfriend that you aren't working directly with covid patients and that may help ease his fears. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, but try your best to not take it personally and understand that some people are more fearful because of the unknown than others. This is a time of mass hysteria.

I asked the guy I'm dating if he was afraid of me. He told me today "you take care of yourself, so I'm honestly not too worried if you get the bug." That said, I won't see him for months until I know am I safe.

MunoRN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care. Has 10 years experience.

I don't think you're boyfriend is being unreasonable, you shouldn't have to be asked not to go to anyone's house right now.

If it was your granddad, grandmom, mom, dad, or brother, would you have the same outlook? It is wise to protect your family. Facetime and Skype should still be working. Many people don't have those luxuries.

mimibrown, ADN, BSN

Specializes in Med-Surg. Has 7 years experience.

I would have a hard time with my boyfriend taking this stance. I have the same concerns about getting someone sick. Everyone in my life is practicing social distancing, except my boyfriend. We don’t live together, but he still comes over as usual. He says he doesn’t care about getting sick and he wants to support me. I would seriously consider if this man is in it for the long haul.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

8 hours ago, MunoRN said:

I don't think you're boyfriend is being unreasonable, you shouldn't have to be asked not to go to anyone's house right now.

I should have been more clear, I told him I was going to stay in my car I just wanted to see him. I obviously am also practicing social distancing.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

15 minutes ago, mimibrown said:

I would have a hard time with my boyfriend taking this stance. I have the same concerns about getting someone sick. Everyone in my life is practicing social distancing, except my boyfriend. We don’t live together, but he still comes over as usual. He says he doesn’t care about getting sick and he wants to support me. I would seriously consider if this man is in it for the long haul.

I think that’s why it hurts me. I’m looking for support and I don’t feel like he is giving it to me. Not only will he refuse to see me, but he hasn’t done anything nice to show he supports me. Sure he’s a great listener and we do text through the whole thing but no sweet gesture of a card or Venmo money for coffee or flowers etc.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

7 hours ago, caliotter3 said:

If it was your granddad, grandmom, mom, dad, or brother, would you have the same outlook? It is wise to protect your family. Facetime and Skype should still be working. Many people don't have those luxuries.

I should’ve been more clear in my initial post, I told him I would stay in the car. No touching nothing. But that is a good point about other family members and if I would feel the same sense of hurt. I wouldn’t feel hurt if it were any of my family members. But a boyfriend is a different type of relationship and I guess I have different expectations of effort.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

9 hours ago, AngelNurse2b said:

I work directly with suspected covid patients at my hospital and I live and work at the epicenter of the covid outbreak in the Bay Area. I have the opposite problem, and actually had to turn down my dates, because I know I am a risk and I do it to protect THEM from ME, as I understand that I may be an asymptomatic carrier, given my high risk for exposure.

I would reassure your boyfriend that you aren't working directly with covid patients and that may help ease his fears. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, but try your best to not take it personally and understand that some people are more fearful because of the unknown than others. This is a time of mass hysteria.

I asked the guy I'm dating if he was afraid of me. He told me today "you take care of yourself, so I'm honestly not too worried if you get the bug." That said, I won't see him for months until I know am I safe.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Stay safe out there. This is a time of mass hysteria. I guess I take for granted that I understand medicine and although I am also scared, I am not at the point of hysterics. At this point, since I’m not working directly with them, I feel I have just as much of a chance catching covid at work as I do getting groceries. But I do know that you can’t catch covid through a car door 🤕

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

12 hours ago, canoehead said:

This is going to be a recurring theme in your relationship, because you will always have patients with one bug or another. I'm willing to bet there will be a new virus every few years as well. You can agree on precautions in order to have a face to face talk, and give him some links to research about how to protect both of you.

That is a great idea. He is very much evidence based so he would read an article and follow it for sure. I actually brought that up last night to him- what if this happens again etc. and he had a very P.C answer.

GrumpyRN, NP

Specializes in Emergency Department. Has 39 years experience.

14 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:

But I do know that you can’t catch covid through a car door 🤕

Right, because the virus doesn't survive on the door handles or other surfaces. :no:

(The new coronavirus can survive on hard surfaces such as plastic and stainless steel for up to 72 hours and on cardboard for up to 24 hours.)

I get that you are upset but you should understand social distancing, it appears your boyfriend does. What happened to Skype or face-time or just a good old fashioned phone call?

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

1 hour ago, GrumpyRN said:

Right, because the virus doesn't survive on the door handles or other surfaces. :no:

(The new coronavirus can survive on hard surfaces such as plastic and stainless steel for up to 72 hours and on cardboard for up to 24 hours.)

I get that you are upset but you should understand social distancing, it appears your boyfriend does. What happened to Skype or face-time or just a good old fashioned phone call?

The sass is uncalled for. Why does he have to touch the car???? Wrong of you to assume. Social distancing includes staying 6 feet away from someone. Which is perfectly acceptable in my situation.

JadedCPN, BSN, RN

Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU. Has 15 years experience.

21 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:

The sass is uncalled for. Why does he have to touch the car???? Wrong of you to assume. Social distancing includes staying 6 feet away from someone. Which is perfectly acceptable in my situation.

He doesn’t have to touch it to contaminate it, which I believe was GrumpyRN’s point.

I think you and your boyfriend need to have a conversation about expectations and needs, because it sounds like there is a big disconnect there that has nothing to do with the current pandemic.

Edited by JadedCPN

TriciaJ, RN

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory. Has 40 years experience.

Well, there's a reason he's your boyfriend and not your husband or domestic partner. Dating is all about gathering information.

This pandemic gave you the opportunity to gather more information about him. Maybe there are elderly people in his life that he wants to protect. He gets marks for that. But then he can come up with creative little gestures for helping you feel cared for and supported. Sounds like he's flunking that.

Now you have a bit more to go on when deciding if he's the one to make long term plans with. Unfortunately that leaves you high and dry at the moment when a little support would have gone a long way. Hang in there.

RosesrReder, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

Has 19 years experience.

Sorry, but how old are you? If this is what is troubling you in this age and time, then you have first world problems. He is telling you he wants to social distance and wants to be alone. Respect that whether he is quality boyfriend material or not.

headofcurls, BSN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care. Has 5 years experience.

I understand it’s a difficult time for you. Respect his boundaries. He’s not being unreasonable.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP

Specializes in PCU, cardiology. Has 9 years experience.

16 minutes ago, TriciaJ said:

Well, there's a reason he's your boyfriend and not your husband or domestic partner. Dating is all about gathering information.

This pandemic gave you the opportunity to gather more information about him. Maybe there are elderly people in his life that he wants to protect. He gets marks for that. But then he can come up with creative little gestures for helping you feel cared for and supported. Sounds like he's flunking that.

Now you have a bit more to go on when deciding if he's the one to make long term plans with. Unfortunately that leaves you high and dry at the moment when a little support would have gone a long way. Hang in there.

Correct, the gesture aspect of this is what will get us through if we cannot have physical touch- who knows how long the social distancing will go on for. Going to have to get creative. Thank you TriciaJ.

6 minutes ago, headofcurls said:

I understand it’s a difficult time for you. Respect his boundaries. He’s not being unreasonable.

I respect him not wanting to spend time with me, hanging out inside, watching a movie, eating together, having a drink etc... didn't know that asking to drive by and see him while maintaining social distance would get so many people on this post fired up---jeesh.