Boyfriend wants me to stay away

Published

Looking for advice. My boyfriend is terrified of getting the Coronavirus and therefore has told me that he doesn’t want to see me until this blows over. I work inpatient, my hospital has covid patients but I am not directly caring for them. I can’t help but be hurt- I tried seeing him and stopping by his house but he’s hesitating. Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me? Is anyone else dealing with this?

Specializes in Emergency Department.
2 minutes ago, kimandthekinks said:

Social distancing is very important, but I still see my friends and family

Coronavirus: Police get new powers to enforce protection.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52053527

Be prepared because you (the US) will have to go down this road as well.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
2 minutes ago, GrumpyRN said:

Coronavirus: Police get new powers to enforce protection.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52053527

Be prepared because you (the US) will have to go down this road as well.

Shame. World is different now.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Non judgmental advisor.
On 3/23/2020 at 6:12 PM, LauRN3367 said:

I am a millennial, obviously we are FaceTiming...wondering what I am missing here thinking that FaceTiming and seeing each other in person (again, while following social distancing etiquette) is the same thing? Sure, these can help ease the pain of not seeing each other, but to me they are not the same.

Hi, just read your post, and some comments, I'm responding to this one,because I had a feeling you and I were close in age /generation (millennials). So my answer is based on feelings vs fact, since we millennials follow our heart. Firstly was probably very hard to find a good match in the first place, a nice guy who is easy to spend time with and that your comfortable with, I need to mention this because it’s essential.

secondly you are a medical professional so you are more educated about the severity of this disease and less duped into fear mongering rumors. But your source of comfort and friend and lover is treating you differently and its very hurtful, because if the situation was reversed you would at minimum placing your palm against his through a glass window. I'm going to remove all the facts and talk about your feelings, seems like his fear of this disease has caused him to be irrational , you may have to write him an email and check in on him , tell him your okay and you miss him and you are following all the precautions. Hope you can flatten the curve on his fear. When he comes to sense which he will you can get close again:)

p.s. I would be very hurt if my husband was behaving this way

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
1 hour ago, Nurselexii said:

. I'm going to remove all the facts and talk about your feelings, seems like his fear of this disease has caused him to be irrational

I would like to hear why you believe he is being irrational, as opposed to just being cautious/holding a difference of opinion?

1 hour ago, kimandthekinks said:

Social distancing is very important, but I still see my friends and family and spouse because I am aware of their social hygiene and my family and friends I support.

That’s not how science works, unfortunately.

3
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Non judgmental advisor.
5 minutes ago, JadedCPN said:

I would like to hear why you believe he is being irrational, as opposed to just being cautious/holding a difference of opinion?

That’s not how science works, unfortunately.

I think it would have been OK for him to see his girlfriend if she was in a car and he was 6 feet or more away, and if he wanted to wear mask and Garbage bag (since no gowns) I think it is the same amount of protect nurses have with exposed patients, I mean. I think a love relationship deserves atleast that

3
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PCU, cardiology.
2 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

Coronavirus: US overtakes China with most cases.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-52056586

Do you still want to breach social distancing advice because you feel a bit lonely?

Not “breaching social distancing”. Social distancing is staying 6 feet away from others. Which is what I said I would do. Again, if this is what you preach I hope you haven’t left your house. In addition, the US is doing far more testing than China. We have nowhere near the amount of deaths China has. The more you know GrumpyRN ??‍♀️

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Endoscopy/Gastroenterology, General Surgery.
5 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

Coronavirus: US overtakes China with most cases.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-52056586

Do you still want to breach social distancing advice because you feel a bit lonely?

4 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:

Coronavirus: Police get new powers to enforce protection.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52053527

Be prepared because you (the US) will have to go down this road as well.

I don't know why you keep thinking OP doesn't want to practice social distance. She is in fact practicing social distance. She has already clarified that she originally wanted to see her bf in his house from a distance from her car. She was just wondering how this type of compromised method of physically seeing each other is defined as not practicing social distance. So please stop targeting on her for not practicing social distance. Please read exactly what were her main initial problems with her boyfriend (which is the fact that he showed minimal effort to make up the time they lost physically) and then respond. I have read enough of your rude and mean comments in this thread. If you don't have any constructive criticisms and advices to provide her other than keep blacklashing her and accusing her to do the things she has never done, then keep your negativity and sarcasm yourself. I agree with others that while OP and everyone else need to take criticisms in a public forum, your continuous demeaning comments are simply irrelevant and unhelpful.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Endoscopy/Gastroenterology, General Surgery.
19 minutes ago, kimandthekinks said:

I’m baffled by how negative people are in this forum as nurses. not directing that specifically at you but just in general.

I agree with you. Again, I respected any nurses’ opinions and comments here but my bottom line is mutual respect. We all know nowsday that practicing social distance is one effective way to flatten out the curve. However, it is absolutely unnecessary to be sarcastic and offensive.

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
2 hours ago, JadedCPN said:

I would like to hear why you believe he is being irrational, as opposed to just being cautious/holding a difference of opinion?

That’s not how science works, unfortunately.

Not too sure what you are getting at. Is hand washing not basic evidence based practice? I have to still shop and leave the house for essentials which would require me to be in contact with strangers. I believe I will also like to take my chances to see my family and loved ones as well. Had a friend who lost their dad and missed out on opportunities to see them because of such harsh precaution measures. If the guidelines is to stay at home, I will stay home with ppl I care about. Doesn’t make sense the way this forum is going, are all of you literally just at home not leaving the house at all for groceries?
I’m baffled by how negative people are in this forum as nurses. not directing that specifically at you but just in general.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S,ER,OR.

I know some nurses whose husbands are trying to make them quit working bc they are afraid of them and their self getting covid-19, it’s a hard topic to speak about almost causing divorces/separations in relationships. I think it could be a common situation during these times...

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency Department.
12 hours ago, LauRN3367 said:

Not “breaching social distancing”. Social distancing is staying 6 feet away from others. Which is what I said I would do. Again, if this is what you preach I hope you haven’t left your house. In addition, the US is doing far more testing than China. We have nowhere near the amount of deaths China has. The more you know GrumpyRN ??‍♀️

China has been infected since December. The first case in US was in mid January and was someone who had returned from Wuhan. As of just now US has more cases than China so give it time. I provided a link to what the UK is doing as far as social distancing is concerned and also what the police will be doing to enforce it. That means NO unnecessary car trips.

As you say, "the more you know."

Just as an aside, why should I respect your NP qualification when you seem to be ignoring mine?

11 hours ago, Rosalie Blythe said:

I don't know why you keep thinking OP doesn't want to practice social distance. She is in fact practicing social distance. She has already clarified that she originally wanted to see her bf in his house from a distance from her car. She was just wondering how this type of compromised method of physically seeing each other is defined as not practicing social distance. So please stop targeting on her for not practicing social distance. Please read exactly what were her main initial problems with her boyfriend (which is the fact that he showed minimal effort to make up the time they lost physically) and then respond. I have read enough of your rude and mean comments in this thread. If you don't have any constructive criticisms and advices to provide her other than keep blacklashing her and accusing her to do the things she has never done, then keep your negativity and sarcasm yourself. I agree with others that while OP and everyone else need to take criticisms in a public forum, your continuous demeaning comments are simply irrelevant and unhelpful.

Social distancing means no unnecessary car trips. The OP states she is an NP and therefore she should be professional and be an example. She has consistently stated she wants to go and see him and he is the bad guy for trying to protect himself and his family.

Instead of validating her boyfriends feelings she has concentrated solely on hers and been quite stroppy with anyone who disagrees. On the other hand she has been sending hugs and thanks to anyone who does agree with her.

My comments were not rude, mean nor negative and were intended to teach her (and anyone else reading this thread) what is ahead. The ONE example of sarcasm was a learning tool to point out that the virus can live on car doors, handles etc. for several days.

11 hours ago, Rosalie Blythe said:

I agree with you. Again, I respected any nurses’ opinions and comments here but my bottom line is mutual respect. We all know nowsday that practicing social distance is one effective way to flatten out the curve. However, it is absolutely unnecessary to be sarcastic and offensive.

See my comment above.

I understand that this is a scary time for people and we need each other but we need to allow the science and not our feelings to be in control.

In case anyone is wondering, this is not my first epidemic, although it is my first pandemic. I worked through the SARS, Swine flu, Ebola, HIV.

As a child I witnessed children removed from their parents and placed in fever hospitals with no contact for weeks. TB had family members removed and placed in sanitariums. In Scotland we had a Typhoid outbreak. So yes, I know what it means to not be able to see loved ones due to disease but it is harder when those loved ones die, especially if it could have been prevented.

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Your BF sounds pretty reasonable to me.

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion