Boyfriend wants me to stay away

LauRN3367, MSN, NP · Mar 27, 2020

1 hour ago, GrumpyRN said:
Just as an aside, why should I respect your NP qualification when you seem to be ignoring mine?

I'm sorry- are you expecting me to respond to you as GrumpyRN, NP? I couldn't care less what anyone's title is- CNA, LPN, RN, BSN, MSN, NP, DNP, PA, MD, RT, DO.

Rosalie Blythe, BSN, RN · Mar 27, 2020

2 hours ago, GrumpyRN said:
My comments were not rude, mean nor negative and were intended to teach her (and anyone else reading this thread) what is ahead. The ONE example of sarcasm was a learning tool to point out that the virus can live on car doors, handles etc. for several days.

And like I have said, your advice would have been helpful without the sarcasm because it is totally unnecessary. I perceived your sarcasm as a hostile insult rather than a learning tool. It is really unfortunate because your comments could have worded much differently with the same meaning, like the other nurses who had also provided useful constructive criticism.

You said your comments were not rude, mean, nor negative but multiple readers have interpreted your comments in that way. Ultimately, it does not matter how senior you are, how many epidemic/pandemic you have been through, how many experience you have had, you are just not showing any empathy and any respect towards the others. You can keep thinking OP is causing the whole US to go down in this pandemic. I personally do not learn anything from you other than witnessing your ability of demeaning another nurse who came here for support, encouragement, and helpful constructive criticism. I sincerely hope your intention was really to teach rather than to demean anyone.

P.S. You indeed have a better qualification than most of the commenters like me as a senior NP. It does not make you more superior nor give you the power and right to be offensive. This is a professional forum (like you have mentioned about having professionalism); Everyone needs to have mutual respect towards each other...doesn't matter what your title is. One good example of nurses eat their youth.

LauRN3367, MSN, NP · Mar 27, 2020

Well, everyone who has been following on this adventure, here are some updates:

1) I have officially blocked a handful of members who, despite being warned by Admin, have continued to ping-pong insults and bait me. Save the "that's not how a public forum works", this is a stressful time (there is no doubt about that) and for my personal sanity I am finished with online trolls. In addition, I would be more inclined to keep sticking up for myself, however I am respecting Admin's request to stop with the back and forth and biting my tongue. Thought I could certainly go all day.

2) Tiger King on Netflix is awesome and a great distraction.

3) I am glad to see that some other nurses found this thread helpful.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Mar 27, 2020

42 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:
Well, everyone who has been following on this adventure, here are some updates:
1) I have officially blocked a handful of members who, despite being warned by Admin, have continued to ping-pong insults and bait me. Save the "that's not how a public forum works", this is a stressful time (there is no doubt about that) and for my personal sanity I am finished with online trolls. In addition, I would be more inclined to keep sticking up for myself, however I am respecting Admin's request to stop with the back and forth and biting my tongue. Thought I could certainly go all day.
2) Tiger King on Netflix is awesome and a great distraction.
3) I am glad to see that some other nurses found this thread helpful.

That Tiger King show is like all levels of crazy.

FullGlass, BSN, MSN, NP · Mar 27, 2020

To the OP: Your boyfriend is a boyfriend, not your husband, and you have been together one year (not that long), so I can understand why he wants to practice social distancing. He may be worried about passing the virus on to other friends and family members.

Being unwilling to see you while you stay in your car is unreasonable on his part.

You are a nurse. Unfortunately, this man is not long-term relationship material. As a nurse, you will always be exposed to diseases. That is just the nature of the job. That is also true of many other professions, such as teaching.

Based on his behavior now, he is not compatible with your profession. There are plenty of other men out there. I'm sorry you are hurt now. However, this may be a blessing in disguise, as you have seen his true colors now.

This is about loving and respecting yourself. You deserve a man who will love and respect you and not freak out because you work in a hospital.

Best wishes.

Aker-Fit, ADN, EMT-B · Mar 28, 2020

We're nurses we deal with bad ***! This may be the first time but most likely not the last. I have elderly parents I haven't gone in their home and I drop food off at the door. My neighbors are skyping the grand children it's the safer thing to do so on one level I don't blame him. But I would definitely use this as a test. If he's not making an effort on the phone or hanging with people that don't work in a hospital he may be using the opportunity! Be careful, guard your heart. On a lot of levels medical people and first responders have issues with relationships, not everybody is special enough to be in our lives! Hang in there and move on if he's not in this for the long haul, someone will be!!

ORDC · Mar 28, 2020

Everyone is at risk. What is wrong with your boyfriend?! Sounds like the passive aggressive type. Pathetic. If everyone thought and did what he wants, we would have societal collapse. Shame on you.

AffsiRN · Mar 28, 2020

On 3/23/2020 at 11:47 AM, RosesrReder said:
.....Because you sound like a teenager and responses will vary accordingly. If you do not like all types of feedback then don't post in a public forum.
The general consensus is that you need to respect what he wants. He is not obligated to do anything as your boyfriend no matter how unreasonable you think this may be.
Whining and "sheeshing" people makes me further want to side with him and can't say I blame him. Maybe he is not social distancing solely due to fear of contracting Covid19 (your version)? Would be interesting to listen to his version as maybe he just needs a break from you in general. Who knows.

Just stop. That was completely uncalled for. Do you realize how demeaning you sound? I’m embarrassed for you. Your post emits negativity and hostile undertones - and none of us need that *** right now.

OP - I would have to say that I agree with those who said at some point the two of you should have a heart to heart. I get the social distancing and respecting that, but as another member mentioned, what would happen if you guys were living together? I am very sorry that you’re going through this and I can’t imagine how awkward it is for you. Maybe you can try to have a serious talk with him and go from there. I do sincerely hope things work out for you, whatever the outcome is. You’re strong, you will get through this.

Rosalie Blythe, BSN, RN · Mar 28, 2020

19 hours ago, FullGlass said:
To the OP: Your boyfriend is a boyfriend, not your husband, and you have been together one year (not that long), so I can understand why he wants to practice social distancing. He may be worried about passing the virus on to other friends and family members.
Being unwilling to see you while you stay in your car is unreasonable on his part.
This is about loving and respecting yourself. You deserve a man who will love and respect you and not freak out because you work in a hospital.

Finally somebody who actually addressed OP's concern in a helpful, non-judgmental and friendly way. I also have also a similar situation as OP and I found your comment honest and useful. Thank you so much @FullGlass ?

15 hours ago, AffsiRN said:
Just stop. That was completely uncalled for. Do you realize how demeaning you sound? I’m embarrassed for you. Your post emits negativity and hostile undertones - and none of us need that *** right now.

Exactly my point, thank you @AffsiRN for speaking up for OP. In fact, none of us deserve to have any sarcasm, insult, rude and demeaning comments from anybody in any circumstance. Being a more senior and experienced nurse does not make you more superior nor give you the privilege to be mean and disrespectful.

GrumpyRN, NP · Mar 28, 2020

"I've kissed my little boys good night for the last time until this is over. Tomorrow they go, with my husband who ceased to have a job this morning, to live with my Mum in isolation and safety. At the same time I go to do my first shift as a consultant on a COVID ward, one of many, over several months. I cannot step back from this responsibility, no more than any of my colleagues. Many of us are making the same sacrifice, separating from their families to keep them safe, for an unknown, but considerable period."

From a consultant in the UK (consultant is the senior level of doctor). This is what the health professionals in the UK are doing.

DTWriter · Mar 29, 2020

Slightly off-topic but is there a thread for "How to show support to nurses working during the Covid-19?"

OP, what little gestures are you hoping for your boyfriend to do for you?

Do you have a favorite food that you can hint at your boyfriend to buy for you? Is there something that you can hint at him to get for you?

(Though, if he has not done any little gesture by now, then, he needs re-training.)

wee_ramekin, MSN, RN · Mar 29, 2020

I'm a Millenial too, but I'm a little confused about why seeing your boyfriend from six feet away while you sit in your car is different from FaceTiming or seeing him on Zoom?

You can't touch him with either method, and unless I'm not understanding this correctly, you won't even really be able to hear what he's saying through a car door from six feet away. Right? ?

In the kindest way possible, it kind of feels like you might be fixating on this one specific display of affection and seeing his refusal to do so as a rejection of your entire relationship rather than something that is based in his desire to self-isolate. You have stated that he continues to text, FaceTime, and talk to you frequently, so it doesn't seem to me like he doesn't want to support you. It seems like he is trying to support you while maintaining a distance that will keep him safe.

I think it might be a good idea to have a frank discussion with him (as a few others have recommended) and let him know that you need more gestures of support than what he's currently doing. Wanting a card or flowers or little treats doesn't make you needy, and it doesn't make you a clingy monster. You're a healthcare professional working on the frontlines of this disease within a system that is bursting at the seams: it's completely understandable that you crave more TLC, so don't feel bad about wanting those things.

I do think you need to use your words and TELL HIM specifically what you need from him. TELL HIM that you are stressed and that these specific gestures would really help your mental and emotional state. If he doesn't step up with these types of affectionate gestures, then yes, consider whether or not you want to stay with him. From what I have read, you may not have had this conversation, and I think it's important to do so.

I think it's also very important to respect his desire to distance, even if you don't completely understand it. This may ultimately be an issue that causes you to part ways, but he has valid concerns.

I wish you luck in this trying time, and I hope you are able to get the support you need.