Being Asked to Give References for Someone You Don't Respect

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

If you are being asked for a reference as a manager many companies have a policy to only confirm start and end dates of employment and eligibility to be rehired so you could easily stick to that rule without raising any eyebrows. 

If you are being asked for a personal reference that is a little trickier to navigate. If you don't think you can in good conscience give a good reference I would find a way to respectfully decline.

If this co-worker then decides to use you as reference anyway, or if you are used a a reference without being asked for one then go ahead and give your honest assessment.

[Davey Do]

Oh come on now, Emergent, I'm going to call you on this one. There is always something good to say about a person!

Case in point: During a discharge staffing meeting, we were trying to come up with positive qualities about a patient who seemingly had none, and I came up with one...

"Individual  is very good at undergoing spontaneous respirations." 

[SilverBells, BSN]

Is it possible to say you don't know enough about them to give a good reference? May not actually be true but might be one way to get around the dilemma.  That way, you're saying no but hopefully not causing any rejection or hurt feelings 

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

You could be brutally honest . Tell them you don't respect their work ethic.  Or just say, I don't give references anymore. They have to come through HR.

 

[klone, MSN, RN]

Honestly, the last time someone used me as a reference (without asking my permission or even informing me ahead of time, plus, they didn't give my name correctly to the organization LOL), I was very honest with the organization. I told them that this person had only worked for me for about 3 months before giving notice, they did not give a full 2 weeks' notice when they left, and there were ongoing punctuality and attendance issues while they were there.

I figure, if you're not going to ask my permission first or at least give me a heads up that you've done it, you get what you deserve.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

You can always hide behind the policy- saying you're not allowed to give a work references because the organization doesn't allow it. (Our organization instituted that policy a few years back saying managers can only confirm that someone worked for them) 

You can try to honest-ish approach. If there are particular aspects of this person's personality that are commendable- they communicate well, demonstrate an empathetic attitude and have good rapport with patients, have strong interpersonal skills, etc. You may be able to skirt the less desirable aspects.

Someone is going to hire this person. It's not going to be entirely your fault either way in any situation. An organization might get a less than stellar employee, but they get tons of them. They're not going to call you back calling out a misleading reference. And your friend is unlikely to ever know what was truly said in any conversation. I wouldn't worry too much about agreeing to do it, who knows, they may never even call. 

[Emergent, RN]

The problem is that I got this person their last job. I also had given a reference before. We both worked at our last job until we got laid off, which was expected. I was pretty appalled at their attitude and work ethic. Let me just also mention that this last job was a total walk in the park. You couldn't ask for an easier job.

[chare]

If it were me, I would just say that I would prefer not be used as a reference.

[heron, ASN, RN]

Alternatively, you could just give hire/quit dates and answer questions about job performance and that's all. If the applicant pitches a fit because reference wasn't "glowing", maybe bite the bullet and tell them why. There's gotta be a way to do it both respectfully and kindly.

It isn't your job, as a friend, colleague or supervisor, to lie just to provide  cover for sub-par job performance.

Just a thought.

[adventure_rn, MSN, NP]

Ugh, that's so awkward.

Perhaps you could say something like, "I'm so sorry, but this really isn't a good time for me right now," if you've got anything else going on? I had a couple of friends as me for references while I was in grad school, and I had to politely decline until I was finished because I was in such a time crunch.

[Brittanyk039]

This happened to me before. I reluctantly agreed as I'm not one for confrontation. When they called to ask about the candidate, they did not ask for my opinion or anything like that. It was strictly like "did they work here from this time frame to this time frame" questions that I could answer honestly and not have to say they were amazing when they weren't. I hope that helps. 

I guess you could also give your number and just never actually speak to the person calling to ask....LOL 

[sleepwalker, MSN, NP]

I would say something along the lines of "I don't provide reference letters anymore due to them being altered and re-used without my permission" but do say something like " you can use my name and email for an electronic reference" and when the reference request comes just fill it out honestly.