Being Asked to Give References for Someone You Don't Respect

What do you all do if someone asks you to give a reference, and you really have very little respect for that person's work ethic. You've had a congenial relationship, but you really can't in good conscience give a positive reference about them.

[Emergent, RN]

Thanks for all the good input! 

[SunCityInsPhysical, BSN, RN]

From a different perspective, that person may have been going through a rough patch and wasn't at their best, or it wasn't a good fit for a variety of reasons.

This may be their opportunity for a fresh start and hopefully a great fit and begin their best life professionally and personally.  

I've been on both sides. Grateful for manager who took the time for an honest chat and helped me find my best fit.  Hope this helps you to help another nurse be her best self and builds you up also.

[feelix, RN]

I always try to give a reference if the oerson had any good in them. I never give a bad reference so as not to damage someones prospects. Only once, a person who had caught being dishonest asked me for a reference and  declined respectfully saying it had been so long ago that we worked together. Maybe they should seek a more current one.

Once you decline with any kind of respectful excuse you are under no further obligation and they should get the message.

[familychick, BSN]

As one who has been a nurse for a long time and have been a manager, I've had this happen more then once. One time in particular was a nurse whom I actually fired for creating a hostile work envirement. She used me as a reference without checking with me. When I got the reference check call, I was taken by surprise. I said something along the lines of: "ooooh boy, she actually used me as a reference?  You know I'm only allowed to give the basic facts...but ooooh boy". Then I answered her questions. That was it. I felt fine about the reference without having to say anything.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

chare said:

If it were me, I would just say that I would prefer not be used as a reference.

Problem solved!

[BethAnnie74]

You could ask "why me"? Or "what exactly should I say"? This will shed some light on why they picked you, what they expect, and if it's a personal or professional request.

If you do have a conversation with the new hiring team/manager, then be transparent. "Oh I know Suzie asked me for a reference since I recommended her for the current role. Unfortunately, I must not be a great judge of skill because she just doesn't seem to be a good fit on this unit or with this team. " You can also ask what skills the new hire needs - then find one or two she or he may fit. "Oh, yeah she likes kids" or "He never has to call backup for the hard stick" (even though you know that means they stuck the patient 50 times).

If you HAVE to do give specifics, spin it into a positive comment. If she always called out you could say "She always notified management timely when she was unable to come in for her shift".  If the call bells were on too long you could say "... was a big promoter of patient autonomy". Too cliquey/flirty could be "developed close peer partnerships". Making aides/coworkers do everything is "really good at delegating tasks to peers." Always taking a lunch/never staying late/never saying yes to being called in - "rarely had any overtime", "has a strong work-life balance" or "faithfully practices self care throughout the shift".  

 Don't lie, but any good interviewer will see through the semantics. Good luck ?