So many of you are amazing people and nurses. The time you put in responding to posts on Allnurses really does make a difference.
BUT.
When people come here asking for advice on a situation, they are not looking for your opinion of them as a person or their behavior. You all know what threads I'm talking about.
It's one thing to point out that their behavior could potentially be dangerous to patients.
It's one thing to be honest and tell them that their future doesn't look too bright.
It's one thing to suggest they may find seeing a therapist very helpful.
It's another to tell them they are mentally ill, mock them RELENTLESSLY, or judge them. When you do this to your fellow nurses (that have just come to you for advice), you're worse than that poor, scared soul you FLAMED for thinking a drug abuser may have a bloodborne illness.
These posters are often simply desperate, scared, or just plain curious!
I know it's important to have a thick skin when you work in healthcare, and I sure as heck am not busting out the trigger-words bully†or NETY.†It's just that even in my CNA class, it was emphasized over and over that it's not our place to judge patients. Can't you afford the same courtesy to other nurses?
I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but I believe in standing up for other people. So I just had to put this out there.
Yes, this was one of the posts I was referring to that my mama would be ashamed of.
You should not take this board that seriously. Honestly I would hate to think someone would cry over a post that they made because they seemed too "mean" in it. Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment, but usually there is some truth to it. I find that when I am "mean" on here it is because someone said something really stupid, super ignorant, or touched a nerve on something I am passionate about. I don't think I have ever honestly regretted something I posted, mainly because I don't say things on here that I wouldn't say in "real" life. I do tend to be more of a blunt person anyway..
That being said, I really enjoy coming here. I love sharing ideas and learning from others. We may not be super warm and fuzzy, but I have had plenty of support during some very dark days, and for that I am grateful.
Someone may have said this already but I haven't read through all 100 post so I don't know.
Yes, some of the post can turn into an attack on someone else. Often times though, the OP doesn't get the information or advice they want and then feel personally attacked. Just because you don't like the advice doesn't means you are being bullied or that it's another NETY situation.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and either take the advice that's been given or just skip over the parts that don't validate you.
I would like to point out (as the "OP" everyone's talking about here, after all) that not ONCE have I been the subject of flaming, etc., nor have I ever been "offended" by someone's post on here. (I actually have a very thick skin in real life. I was raised by a military parent who did NOT teach me to wear my heart on my sleeve, lol. If you want to tell someone they can't take bluntness, I'm not your girl.)
Rather, I've noticed a general trend of unkindness on this website recently, and being an "unknown," figured I had nothing to lose by saying something about it.
While this post seemed to make many angry and defensive, I hope it at least made some people think.
I agree that it's subjective. I just also find that people know how they want to be treated by others so why is it so much to ask for the same in return?
I tend to agree with you. The posters that bug me are the ones who pride themselves (and they state this) on blunt honesty to the point of rudeness but then get all bent out of shape when someone is bluntly honest to the point of rudeness with them.
I just skim over their posts. This forum is like real life. Some people are great, others are jerks. Some people find the anonymity of the internet makes them more vocal or rude than they would be in real life.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Would you talk to your family in this way?
Be kind people. Spread that *****like glitter.
Top sentence here^^^ I would leave out.
I have heard LOTS of people who talk to their own family members much worse than anything I've ever read on AN! Out in public, too! It is appalling and embarrassing even to be on the periphery of the general vicinity of people whose verbal communications with each other are way beyond rude! There is NO filter and you can't help but overhear. Sometimes I get to feeling sorry for the flamee....until they open their mouth and let out some equally ghastly response!
I must tell you, I especially like the last sentence about being exceedingly generous with the spreading of "that ****." I wholeheartedly support the idea, and would like a bumper-sticker which proclaims that sentiment!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I didn't follow the threads referenced in the OP, but I glanced at them briefly so I think I know what she's talking about.
I'm getting mighty weary of being scolded because AN posters are not universally therapeutic and nurturing. It seems we're not allowed to have any time off from taking care of everyone (except ourselves, of course). As the previous poster pointed out ... I'm not on the clock when I read AN. As I once posted in a chronically filthy break room: your mother does not work here.
I wish people would keep their stereotypes to themselves. Nevah happen, which is why my keyboard has a back button. Still, it's a nice fantasy.
I think they were the three threads asking about infection hazards of various kinds of exposure (bumping into a sharps container, dried blood on a siderail) and two threads about sex work.
I could be wrong, though, since she didn't specify.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I never said that you couldn't be honest. I have made no assumptions. Again, you can and should be honest and have an opinion but you do not have to talk down to people to state those opinions. Being blunt is not the same as talking down to someone. I see the latter frequently on AN. A person who asks others to be respectful is not asking people to lie to them. You can be blunt. Just be courteous. I don't understand why that is seen as a bad thing.
"Talking down to" is often in the eye of the beholder. A person who asks others to be respectful may just be someone whose skin is too thin to be asking for advice on the internet.
Absolutely, you all express valid opinions that I do not disagree with. However, there is an attitude here of "let's all agree we can be as mean as we want, and anyone who calls us mean is a wuss!"
Which again, I can understand. For an online forum, y'all are pretty nightly knit. And you are all smart, tough cookies. You hold others to a high standard, which is great!
But as I said, there's a difference between giving a blunt and unbiased opinion in which you point out someone's mistake, and being unkind to someone because they put themselves in a snafu.
It's not aallllll that much of an exaggeration to say that this is becoming a place where only a certain group of people can post "safely."
Absolutely agree with you..and its not just about the internet as some suggest. There are topics you just never dare bring up before your nursing colleagues without getting angrily pounced upon, be it at work in the break room or on internet.
Been around 2 decades, 4 different countries, 2 continents, same story. You have to be really selective who to talk to about your personal-professional "heart" issues...there may be few, but they are always there in every group, the "black sheep" of the crop who dare think or feel differently...
My thing is being critical of the nursing profession, and also the fact that I have been a great bedside nurse for all this time and still hate it what I do, but it has not been a viable option to just leave as most nurses will ask you to do ASAP as they can't figure out how it is possible to be a competent nurse and still have conflicting feelings about it...plus, yes, because I need it while I chart my next direction, which includes what I like about nursing, and what I have gained from my wonderful experience being one, as well as what I have invested in to this profession thus far, albeit by circumstance rather than by choice...oops, I just committed the unpardonable sin...I know...But these are real issues that many nurses struggle with but they dare not speak out about amongst fellow nurses..sad, for this profession, all successful professions worth their name have had to deal with criticism and difference from within and from without, and strengthened their profession and public reputations from it.
A mature profession or group of professionals needs to be "big" enough to tolerate negatives about itself and its own, and to investigate itself...not to build turf walls that shut out so many of its own..its called sweeping dirt under the carpet and its detrimental to our growth as humans who are also members of a distinguished profession...OK now I am ready to be stoned!!!
Out in public, too! It is appalling and embarrassing even to be on the periphery of the general vicinity of people whose verbal communications with each other are 
I wholeheartedly support the idea, and would like a bumper-sticker which proclaims that sentiment!
xoemmylouox, ASN, RN
3,150 Posts
You should not take this board that seriously. Honestly I would hate to think someone would cry over a post that they made because they seemed too "mean" in it. Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment, but usually there is some truth to it. I find that when I am "mean" on here it is because someone said something really stupid, super ignorant, or touched a nerve on something I am passionate about. I don't think I have ever honestly regretted something I posted, mainly because I don't say things on here that I wouldn't say in "real" life. I do tend to be more of a blunt person anyway..
That being said, I really enjoy coming here. I love sharing ideas and learning from others. We may not be super warm and fuzzy, but I have had plenty of support during some very dark days, and for that I am grateful.