So many of you are amazing people and nurses. The time you put in responding to posts on Allnurses really does make a difference.
BUT.
When people come here asking for advice on a situation, they are not looking for your opinion of them as a person or their behavior. You all know what threads I'm talking about.
It's one thing to point out that their behavior could potentially be dangerous to patients.
It's one thing to be honest and tell them that their future doesn't look too bright.
It's one thing to suggest they may find seeing a therapist very helpful.
It's another to tell them they are mentally ill, mock them RELENTLESSLY, or judge them. When you do this to your fellow nurses (that have just come to you for advice), you're worse than that poor, scared soul you FLAMED for thinking a drug abuser may have a bloodborne illness.
These posters are often simply desperate, scared, or just plain curious!
I know it's important to have a thick skin when you work in healthcare, and I sure as heck am not busting out the trigger-words bully†or NETY.†It's just that even in my CNA class, it was emphasized over and over that it's not our place to judge patients. Can't you afford the same courtesy to other nurses?
I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but I believe in standing up for other people. So I just had to put this out there.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I think this is the kind of post that missnurse1989 doesn't like because it's condescending.
I think it's funny and it doesn't bother me.
I think the kind of posts the OP is talking about are the ones where a few members will gang up on someone who disagrees with them, then it starts devolving to personal attacks. Or the posts that just skirt the edge of TOS violations. Or the ones where the posters are just out to do damage. And the few blatant name-callers.
That's been on the rise lately.
Interestingly enough, those who are quickest to "get their feelings hurt" also seem to be the quickest to start the personal attacks and name calling.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I completely agree with you! I cringe when I think of how rude some responses can be.
Lots of people (not just nurses) fail to realize that at one point, they, too, were novices. New. With little-to-no experience. Why is it so hard to be encouraging and supportive? Would you talk to your family in this way? Would you want someone to talk to your loved ones in the same way you keyboard warriors degrade and bash a helpless individual who is most probably scared and in need of some advice?
Point is: there is a way to get your point across. It is not necessary to be downright nasty. Be kind people. Spread that *****like glitter.
I don't think anyone fails to realize that at one point, they too were novices. I do think a lot of novices fail to realize that at some point they, too will become experts and may be seriously aggravated by the ignorant poster who claims that expert nurses forget they once were novices.
Ah, the gang's all here! I'm waiting for the personal attacks and the name calling to begin.
(I like fighting with the unarmed.)
Never try to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I have this plaque upon my office wall:
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Unfortunately, as a compulsive teacher and editor, I do keep trying. So many pigs, so little time. :)
However, I have gone sooooo many months without getting any points! I attribute this to having to deal with un-potty-trained grandchildren, a somewhat better temper than I used to have, the modifying influence of a few posters here (you know who you are), and MUCH more liberal application of smilies to try to soften the blows against those special snowflakes. I recommend that if you feel unappreciated or misunderstood.
But I gotta say that it really makes me want to reach right through the screen and slap somebody when I have some student try to school me in nursing diagnosis ... that is all.
I do understand and appreciate what everyone is saying about having "thick skin" and I agree that it is important to be tough in order to survive in this field. I will not feel that asking for better treatment is something that I shouldn't be doing. Being vocal about the way that you want to be treated is a strength and doesn't mean you have "thin skin," though others automatically ASSUME that. Confronting someone for talking down to me (for myself) is because I respect myself enough to know I deserve better treatment. Yes. You will have those who don't care and say snarky things anyway. For me, I ignore them and move on. I pick my battles. I admire any nurse who stands up for themself when they feel that they have been treated poorly; However, some still may become offended when someone confronts them about how their comments are percieved, but at least you stated your boundaries.
OP, I would just like to say: You are wonderful. Thank you for this post. Thank you for standing up, even when you knew others would probably attack you for it (I have not read any other comments). I always try to think this same way, but sometimes I forget. Thank you for reminding me. And please, I invite you in the future, if you ever see me doing this please call me out on it so I can see it and fix it. I really appreciate this post.
Im pretty good at trying to focus on what the OP asked whether I agree with them or their views s or not amd stripping away anything that may come off as unneeded extra fluff or judgey.
Alas some people just cant put their emotional and personalal views aside to provide an almost completely objective and accurate answer.
I just left a mind-numbing read on another thread because there were a couple posters that were incredibly thickheaded and downright inappropriate and frankly, ignorant and childish beyond belief.
But it did provide for a few good chuckles. I usually lurk those kinds of threads just to laugh as how incredibly shortsighted people can be.
"You will all probably hate me for this" suggests a communication style that is passive aggressive. No one is in a position to "hate" you. No one here knows you, nor anyone else who posts on a public internet forum. You could be a 12 year old jr high student for all anyone knows, as can anyone else.
But here's the thing. I grew up without a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, as did my mother before me. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, we should all conduct ourselves professionally in the workplace. Period. We should all use our heads and do what we need to do to protect our patients, protect ourselves, and make life outside of a facility full and happy.
There is no shame in saying "this is not for me". There is no shame in saying "I need to figure out how to do this better". There is no shame in "how do I deal with my workplace relationships?" But when you ask those questions, one is bound to get hundreds of answers from hundreds of people who COULD be "ABCD, RN" or Joe the Plumber.
Take what you need, throw the rest away. And honestly, it is hard to convey tone in a message thread. People can be snarky, they can be rude, or they can be well meaning that are good at being "mean". I would say blunt, but never the less.....
The threads that are troll like in nature (as again, this whole "she hates me" "I hate him"......) how can you invest any strong emotion into answering a post on a forum that is just not in tune with an adult thought pattern?
There are things that "work me up" most notably bipolar bible bingo, the shaming of any alternate way of life, the shaming of women's rights, or nurses who ask the same question in a million different ways, and expect a different answer. Or homework that is disguised as a real issue in nursing that is happening to the poster. So perhaps those things are worded a bit more sternly than one would like them to be, however, and I can not stress enough, take what you need and leave the rest.
Everyone has their own opinion. Some people don't mince words. Even others who don't want to have words minced.
But remember, no one here has the capacity to hate you, nor anyone else. Hating a person and not agreeing with an opinion are two wildly different things.
Absolutely agree with you..and its not just about the internet as some suggest. There are topics you just never dare bring up before your nursing colleagues without getting angrily pounced upon, be it at work in the break room or on internet.
Been around 2 decades, 4 different countries, 2 continents, same story. You have to be really selective who to talk to about your personal-professional "heart" issues...there may be few, but they are always there in every group, the "black sheep" of the crop who dare think or feel differently...
My thing is being critical of the nursing profession, and also the fact that I have been a great bedside nurse for all this time and still hate it what I do, but it has not been a viable option to just leave as most nurses will ask you to do ASAP as they can't figure out how it is possible to be a competent nurse and still have conflicting feelings about it...plus, yes, because I need it while I chart my next direction, which includes what I like about nursing, and what I have gained from my wonderful experience being one, as well as what I have invested in to this profession thus far, albeit by circumstance rather than by choice...oops, I just committed the unpardonable sin...I know...But these are real issues that many nurses struggle with but they dare not speak out about amongst fellow nurses..sad, for this profession, all successful professions worth their name have had to deal with criticism and difference from within and from without, and strengthened their profession and public reputations from it.
A mature profession or group of professionals needs to be "big" enough to tolerate negatives about itself and its own, and to investigate itself...not to build turf walls that shut out so many of its own..its called sweeping dirt under the carpet and its detrimental to our growth as humans who are also members of a distinguished profession...OK now I am ready to be stoned!!!
Shame on anyone that negatively reacts to your opinion. I am with you 100%.
Thick or thin skin- it does not matter. These keyboard warriors are no better than internet bullies (age 11-12) that harass other young kids. What if someone with "thin skin" was so negatively impacted by the rude and over-critical responses, that they went and hurt themselves for being ashamed of asking a question? How would you nurses- whose main goal is to save lives and treat the human spirit- feel if your harsh words drove someone to that point? Think about it. You may have children, siblings, other loved ones. Would you want anyone to be as ridiculous and judgmental towards them? PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES. It'll hopefully help open your eyes.
Shame on anyone that negatively reacts to your opinion. I am with you 100%.
Thick or thin skin- it does not matter. These keyboard warriors are no better than internet bullies (age 11-12) that harass other young kids. What if someone with "thin skin" was so negatively impacted by the rude and over-critical responses, that they went and hurt themselves for being ashamed of asking a question? How would you nurses- whose main goal is to save lives and treat the human spirit- feel if your harsh words drove someone to that point? Think about it. You may have children, siblings, other loved ones. Would you want anyone to be as ridiculous and judgmental towards them? PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES. It'll hopefully help open your eyes.
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
Interestingly enough, those who are quickest to "get their feelings hurt" also seem to be the quickest to start the personal attacks and name calling.