So many of you are amazing people and nurses. The time you put in responding to posts on Allnurses really does make a difference.
BUT.
When people come here asking for advice on a situation, they are not looking for your opinion of them as a person or their behavior. You all know what threads I'm talking about.
It's one thing to point out that their behavior could potentially be dangerous to patients.
It's one thing to be honest and tell them that their future doesn't look too bright.
It's one thing to suggest they may find seeing a therapist very helpful.
It's another to tell them they are mentally ill, mock them RELENTLESSLY, or judge them. When you do this to your fellow nurses (that have just come to you for advice), you're worse than that poor, scared soul you FLAMED for thinking a drug abuser may have a bloodborne illness.
These posters are often simply desperate, scared, or just plain curious!
I know it's important to have a thick skin when you work in healthcare, and I sure as heck am not busting out the trigger-words bully†or NETY.†It's just that even in my CNA class, it was emphasized over and over that it's not our place to judge patients. Can't you afford the same courtesy to other nurses?
I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but I believe in standing up for other people. So I just had to put this out there.
Ok. How I got through ELEVEN pages of posts without spontaneously combusting (or doing a trigger-finger version of reply posting) is beyond me.
After reading all that, I can only think of one thing to say: when I go to a social gathering, if I like the conversation in this circle or that group, I stick there for awhile. I join in. I laugh, I enjoy the banter. If I find a group less than charming, or annoying, or downright stupid, I simply move off.....and go somewhere else. No big deal, really. Just join in the social setting I LIKE, and steer away from what I DON'T. Maybe I'll make a comment or two; the option, after all, is MINE.
I don't go up to the people enjoying their conversation and say "you know, you could be nicer about what you're talking about, I think other people might not like it either" or "do you really feel this is a good topic to discuss?" I don't seek out the host or hostess and complain that out of the four or five groups having conversations, one of them seems to be a little rude, and that I don't think I should have to listen to them. I wonder how that host or hostess might respond to that? I think we can guess.
If you LIKE what you are reading, join in. Or not. But if you DON'T like what you are reading, and it's not about YOU.....how about picking up that wine glass and wandering off to that other group over there, that seems to have more in common with you, and maybe be more like-minded?
I don't think it's reasonable to expect the party-goers to stop enjoying themselves on your behalf....and if you think about it....you wouldn't either.
Our moderators are our hosts and hostesses, and they want us to enjoy ourselves and have our conversations, have a little fun, laugh even. If any of us get a bit too "out of hand", well, they will certainly nudge us a bit and remind us that we're in public
But barring that, it seems more than a little out of line for ANOTHER "invited guest" to behave as though it were THEIR party....and they could and should dictate the topics of conversation and any and all responses to them.
Doesn't sound like a party I'd want to be in, frankly.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Shame on anyone that negatively reacts to your opinion. I am with you 100%.
Thick or thin skin- it does not matter. These keyboard warriors are no better than internet bullies (age 11-12) that harass other young kids. What if someone with "thin skin" was so negatively impacted by the rude and over-critical responses, that they went and hurt themselves for being ashamed of asking a question? How would you nurses- whose main goal is to save lives and treat the human spirit- feel if your harsh words drove someone to that point? Think about it. You may have children, siblings, other loved ones. Would you want anyone to be as ridiculous and judgmental towards them? PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES. It'll hopefully help open your eyes.
#smh #nursesreallydoeattheiryoung #shameonyou
Seriously?
If someone is so seriously impacted by rude responses on one of the more effectively moderated forums that they go out and hurt themselves, they were probably having some real mental health issues and needed more help than we could provide on an internet forum. If my harsh words drove someone to that point, I would feel truly sad for a human being that was so fragile. But I would also think that my harsh words had relatively little to do with it -- it was the underlying and possibly unaddressed mental health issues that drove them to harm themselves.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Seriously?
If someone is so seriously impacted by rude responses on one of the more effectively moderated forums that they go out and hurt themselves, they were probably having some real mental health issues and needed more help than we could provide on an internet forum. If my harsh words drove someone to that point, I would feel truly sad for a human being that was so fragile. But I would also think that my harsh words had relatively little to do with it -- it was the underlying and possibly unaddressed mental health issues that drove them to harm themselves.
Kudos to you for reading the post! I couldn't get past the #hashtags.
Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
"You will all probably hate me for this" suggests a communication style that is passive aggressive. No one is in a position to "hate" you. No one here knows you, nor anyone else who posts on a public internet forum. You could be a 12 year old jr high student for all anyone knows, as can anyone else.
But here's the thing. I grew up without a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, as did my mother before me. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, we should all conduct ourselves professionally in the workplace. Period. We should all use our heads and do what we need to do to protect our patients, protect ourselves, and make life outside of a facility full and happy.
There is no shame in saying "this is not for me". There is no shame in saying "I need to figure out how to do this better". There is no shame in "how do I deal with my workplace relationships?" But when you ask those questions, one is bound to get hundreds of answers from hundreds of people who COULD be "ABCD, RN" or Joe the Plumber.
Take what you need, throw the rest away. And honestly, it is hard to convey tone in a message thread. People can be snarky, they can be rude, or they can be well meaning that are good at being "mean". I would say blunt, but never the less.....
The threads that are troll like in nature (as again, this whole "she hates me" "I hate him"......) how can you invest any strong emotion into answering a post on a forum that is just not in tune with an adult thought pattern?
There are things that "work me up" most notably bipolar bible bingo, the shaming of any alternate way of life, the shaming of women's rights, or nurses who ask the same question in a million different ways, and expect a different answer. Or homework that is disguised as a real issue in nursing that is happening to the poster. So perhaps those things are worded a bit more sternly than one would like them to be, however, and I can not stress enough, take what you need and leave the rest.
Everyone has their own opinion. Some people don't mince words. Even others who don't want to have words minced.
But remember, no one here has the capacity to hate you, nor anyone else. Hating a person and not agreeing with an opinion are two wildly different things.
Unfortunately I can only like this once......
I can however repost if so incase someone missed it the first time they get a second opportunity to read it:yes:
This thread reminded me of a column by Lori Borgman with her words of wit, I'm sorry, but we apologize far too much.
"Being a person who routinely plans ahead for things, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize. Granted, I have not done or said anything patently offensive to any demographic, large or small--and please forgive the size references, no offense intended--but in light of today's supersensitive climate it's just a matter of time, so I'd like to apologize now and be done with it. That is, unless you are offended by me being proactive and in that case I am sorry that you are offended.
If at any time, in any way, I have made or do make comments that offend, or might possibly offend you, your friends, your family, your co-workers, your pets, the guy who sold you your car, the person who styles your hair or the sales clerk who said you look good in graphic print leggings, then for that I apologize.
That said, if I make comments, and you are not offended, why don't we get together for a drink? I'm sorry, that could be offensive. What i meant to say was, why don't we share a bag of kale chips?
Please know that my behavior can be erratic due to hunger, sleep deprivation or a barrage of the latest headlines. While I would never try to excuse my behavior, let me just say that mistakes can be made, timelines can be off, communication can fail, files can be lost and emails can be deleted. If somehow through my actions you are offended, your job was placed in jeopardy or your reputation was besmirched and you think I was responsible, then for that I am sorry. If not, then we're good, right?
The important thing is that we learn from the past as we look forward to the future. Why not put any and all potential misunderstandings behind us right now by holding hands and sharing a moment that hopefully will lead to a group hug. That's right, lean in.
No, don't. I apologize to those of you who found that suggestive.
Don't lean in; stay where you are. Step back. A little farther, please. Thank you.
I apologize to those of you who have been hurt by what you now sense to be a certain distance I have put between us.
Please allow me to acknowledge fault where acknowledging fault would be appropriate. Know that as I acknowledge fault where acknowledging fault is appropriate, I will take full and complete responsibility for my actions by throwing my chief of whatever under the bus and immediately firing my PR team. As you can tell by my sincerity--and the tear in my left eye--there is absolutely no need for litigation.
While I can neither confirm nor deny anything, I speak from the heart when I say if you were hurt due to having a bad day, being keenly self-absorbed or suffering from a social media-induced narcissism and believing the world revolves around you and your quirks and predilections, then for that I am sorry.
Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
Shame on anyone that negatively reacts to your opinion. I am with you 100%.
Thick or thin skin- it does not matter. These keyboard warriors are no better than internet bullies (age 11-12) that harass other young kids. What if someone with "thin skin" was so negatively impacted by the rude and over-critical responses, that they went and hurt themselves for being ashamed of asking a question? How would you nurses- whose main goal is to save lives and treat the human spirit- feel if your harsh words drove someone to that point? Think about it. You may have children, siblings, other loved ones. Would you want anyone to be as ridiculous and judgmental towards them? PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES. It'll hopefully help open your eyes.
#smh #nursesreallydoeattheiryoung #shameonyou
I feel negatively impacted by your post and those hash tags
Actually I feel more annoyed that some of the posters in this thread are so indignantly telling some of us what horrible people we are for reacting really, that they seem to miss the fact that you are committing much the same crime you are accusing others of
Sitting in judgement and using the least effective methods possible of getting your point across.
As for siblings, one is a doctor, one is a radiographer, fortunately we grew up in time when political correctness and this whole
As for children, never happen I'd be an awful parent.
I do however have two very awesome nephews and 2 gorgeous nieces who having grown up with parents who are loving and nuturing at the same time ensuring their kids grow up well grounded and who have a healthy sense of self, and keep it real
I'm left with the overwhelming urge to want to stick my fingers in my ears and go "nanananana I cant hear you"
And in the interests of keeping it real. Why I have slightly less tolerance than normal my mum has been diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer and despite what they tell you in the nursing text books, its really really different when its family
Tell you what, I'll put myself in your shoes when you put yourself in mine and have to deal with the impending death of a parent who should be round for at least the next 20 years and is unlikely to see out the year
i dont wanna even bring it up nor link it here but some of the responses i read gave me the type of headache you feel in your teeth. As ruby vee mentioned before though, the one im referring to referenced a poster that wanted some advice about paying for school through somewhat lascivious means and got shut down when a poster got flagged for essentially called the OP a whore.
if you do a little digging you can find it pretty easily. go through all the posts its good for laugh.
Ok. How I got through ELEVEN pages of posts without spontaneously combusting (or doing a trigger-finger version of reply posting) is beyond me.
After reading all that, I can only think of one thing to say: when I go to a social gathering, if I like the conversation in this circle or that group, I stick there for awhile. I join in. I laugh, I enjoy the banter. If I find a group less than charming, or annoying, or downright stupid, I simply move off.....and go somewhere else. No big deal, really. Just join in the social setting I LIKE, and steer away from what I DON'T. Maybe I'll make a comment or two; the option, after all, is MINE.
I don't go up to the people enjoying their conversation and say "you know, you could be nicer about what you're talking about, I think other people might not like it either" or "do you really feel this is a good topic to discuss?" I don't seek out the host or hostess and complain that out of the four or five groups having conversations, one of them seems to be a little rude, and that I don't think I should have to listen to them. I wonder how that host or hostess might respond to that? I think we can guess.
If you LIKE what you are reading, join in. Or not. But if you DON'T like what you are reading, and it's not about YOU.....how about picking up that wine glass and wandering off to that other group over there, that seems to have more in common with you, and maybe be more like-minded?
I don't think it's reasonable to expect the party-goers to stop enjoying themselves on your behalf....and if you think about it....you wouldn't either.
Our moderators are our hosts and hostesses, and they want us to enjoy ourselves and have our conversations, have a little fun, laugh even. If any of us get a bit too "out of hand", well, they will certainly nudge us a bit and remind us that we're in public
But barring that, it seems more than a little out of line for ANOTHER "invited guest" to behave as though it were THEIR party....and they could and should dictate the topics of conversation and any and all responses to them.
Doesn't sound like a party I'd want to be in, frankly.
Because that would be entirely too mature for some of the people that love to flaunt their maturity that apparently comes with age. No need to take the high road when you've got "experience" under your belt. Clearly being older means you have the right to put everyone thats younger than you in their place simply because you cant understand their point of view.
Side note: I know its hard to detect the tone people are speaking in through text and the internet but i swear readers lack the most basic of context clues. Some of you need special "sarcasm font" to be able to read between the lines.
The internet is a crazy environment of word vomit, and some are right...by asking for advice, guidance, etc. on a public forum, be prepared to receive the good, the bad and the ugly. However, I don't think the bad and the ugly is an ideal way to speak to anybody, but it happens.
I've seen said threads. Some purposely come off as condescending, rude, entitled, and sarcastic. There's a big difference between being blunt/direct/opinionated and just plain insulting. There's a backspace button. There's the option to revise your comment before you post it. There's the ability to be cognizant of yourself and others. Some people simply don't care, and that's the sad reality.
I don't expect everyone to get along with or agree with one another. But what I can say is the way people speak (or type, in the case of AN) really speaks worlds about their character. It doesn't matter if it's your family, your patients, your co-workers, or fellow nurses on here. You can talk down to me, insult me, treat me like crap - hell, some patients and staff gladly take the responsibility of doing just that every time I come into work. Regardless, I think that everyone deserves dignity and respect when being spoken to. That's just my two cents.
I didn't read through all of the comments, but I just wanted to say I totally agree with the OP. I have been a member of AN for a long time, but I rarely post anything. I do, however, read a lot. I see many examples of jumping to conclusions..., suck it up...., like it or move on, comments. I usually just read past them because I have noticed a pattern of who usually makes these comments. They are the same posters. In fact, if they went to their dashboard and looked at the comments they have left over the course, I would guarentee that 90% or more would be hateful.
Its really kind of sad, but this sort of thing is an internet epidemic. Angry people everywhere take to the keyboads to take their frustrations out on perfect strangers. They hunt for things to express an overly abusive opinion on:
Breastfeeding in public? Cover yourself, that's Disgusting!
Transgender? Against God and Nature!
Homeschooling? Thats for unsocialized Weirdos!
For Obamacare? You are obviously a Socialist!
I dont know if people care too much and get their painties in a wad over every little thing they don't agree with, or if they care too little to respect that others may have a difference of opinion, and a right to that opinion, but hey, thats just my opinion.
Because that would be entirely too mature for some of the people that love to flaunt their maturity that apparently comes with age. No need to take the high road when you've got "experience" under your belt. Clearly being older means you have the right to put everyone thats younger than you in their place simply because you cant understand their point of view.
Side note: I know its hard to detect the tone people are speaking in through text and the internet but i swear readers lack the most basic of context clues. Some of you need special "sarcasm font" to be able to read between the lines.
I believe those guilty on both sides of the 'rudeness' debate are of a wide range of ages; I don't feel that "age" is the issue at all, not in the least. I have seen young people whose attitude made me cringe right along with older ones. Irrelevant to the discussion, IMHO.
FWIW, I found it interesting (surprising, actually, but interesting nonetheless) that you used the point I was making to turn the other way, go completely 180 degrees from my direction's intent.....and use it to illustrate YOUR point. Well done, actually.
Still, in case it was not read in the light in which I intended it, I WAS saying that if anyone does not like what others' are saying, or HOW they are saying it, much like guests at a party they ought not to feel obligated to stay and chide the ones having a good time.....they ought to push off to another group who is saying things the way they would like, with the tone they would prefer. In an effort to be even clearer, I'll say that if someone feels the 'tone' of the conversation to not be gentle enough, or kind enough, or supportive enough....they should then feel perfectly comfortable to LEAVE that conversation and find one that is gentler, kinder, and more supportive. They should NOT feel welcome to attempt to change the other people to suit themselves.
Internet forums are not unlike parties in that each GUEST to the party is welcome to wander and socialize. They are NOT welcome to instruct other guests in what they should and shouldn't discuss amongst themselves, nor what their opinions, tone, and specific responses should be. And that is what we are having happen with the intent of this thread.
I don't have to find every comment to be pleasant in order for it to be permitted to exist. I don't have to agree with everyone, I can sometimes find someone to be perfectly ridiculous in his/her response to another person. But that STILL doesn't make it my right or responsibility to try to change the other person! *I* don't own this website. YOU don't own this website. The people who are of the belief that everyone should be homogenous in their responses don't own this website. Viva la difference, I say.
Also, FWIW, I was taught as a child (and still maintain to this day) that telling someone you don't like the style of their conversation and the manner of their speaking (their 'tone') to be completely rude (and wrong) in and of itself. But I certainly am not going to start a thread to chastise those who make it a practice to do so.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Took the words out of my mouth. Waded through pages of stuff and it was your post, to me, that said it best. To the OP; it's not always about you. Move on if you are offended and report posts that are not in compliance with TOS. Seriously, it's the internet. Real life is what it's about.
Ok. How I got through ELEVEN pages of posts without spontaneously combusting (or doing a trigger-finger version of reply posting) is beyond me.
After reading all that, I can only think of one thing to say: when I go to a social gathering, if I like the conversation in this circle or that group, I stick there for awhile. I join in. I laugh, I enjoy the banter. If I find a group less than charming, or annoying, or downright stupid, I simply move off.....and go somewhere else. No big deal, really. Just join in the social setting I LIKE, and steer away from what I DON'T. Maybe I'll make a comment or two; the option, after all, is MINE.
I don't go up to the people enjoying their conversation and say "you know, you could be nicer about what you're talking about, I think other people might not like it either" or "do you really feel this is a good topic to discuss?" I don't seek out the host or hostess and complain that out of the four or five groups having conversations, one of them seems to be a little rude, and that I don't think I should have to listen to them. I wonder how that host or hostess might respond to that? I think we can guess.
If you LIKE what you are reading, join in. Or not. But if you DON'T like what you are reading, and it's not about YOU.....how about picking up that wine glass and wandering off to that other group over there, that seems to have more in common with you, and maybe be more like-minded?
I don't think it's reasonable to expect the party-goers to stop enjoying themselves on your behalf....and if you think about it....you wouldn't either.
Our moderators are our hosts and hostesses, and they want us to enjoy ourselves and have our conversations, have a little fun, laugh even. If any of us get a bit too "out of hand", well, they will certainly nudge us a bit and remind us that we're in public
But barring that, it seems more than a little out of line for ANOTHER "invited guest" to behave as though it were THEIR party....and they could and should dictate the topics of conversation and any and all responses to them.
Doesn't sound like a party I'd want to be in, frankly.
Compared to many message boards I've read, this one is about as warm and fuzzy as they come. I'm not kidding.
Didn't we just have a thread like this? I'm sure I mentioned BabyCenter and the awful mommy-wars there when I first started out on the internet in 2001 being way worse than anything on AN.
Ok. How I got through ELEVEN pages of posts without spontaneously combusting (or doing a trigger-finger version of reply posting) is beyond me.
.
I have no idea how I just got through this entire thread as well . .... love and agree with your entire posts!
RNsRWe, ASN, RN
3 Articles; 10,428 Posts
Ok. How I got through ELEVEN pages of posts without spontaneously combusting (or doing a trigger-finger version of reply posting) is beyond me.
After reading all that, I can only think of one thing to say: when I go to a social gathering, if I like the conversation in this circle or that group, I stick there for awhile. I join in. I laugh, I enjoy the banter. If I find a group less than charming, or annoying, or downright stupid, I simply move off.....and go somewhere else. No big deal, really. Just join in the social setting I LIKE, and steer away from what I DON'T. Maybe I'll make a comment or two; the option, after all, is MINE.
I don't go up to the people enjoying their conversation and say "you know, you could be nicer about what you're talking about, I think other people might not like it either" or "do you really feel this is a good topic to discuss?" I don't seek out the host or hostess and complain that out of the four or five groups having conversations, one of them seems to be a little rude, and that I don't think I should have to listen to them. I wonder how that host or hostess might respond to that? I think we can guess.
If you LIKE what you are reading, join in. Or not. But if you DON'T like what you are reading, and it's not about YOU.....how about picking up that wine glass and wandering off to that other group over there, that seems to have more in common with you, and maybe be more like-minded?
I don't think it's reasonable to expect the party-goers to stop enjoying themselves on your behalf....and if you think about it....you wouldn't either.
Our moderators are our hosts and hostesses, and they want us to enjoy ourselves and have our conversations, have a little fun, laugh even. If any of us get a bit too "out of hand", well, they will certainly nudge us a bit and remind us that we're in public
But barring that, it seems more than a little out of line for ANOTHER "invited guest" to behave as though it were THEIR party....and they could and should dictate the topics of conversation and any and all responses to them.
Doesn't sound like a party I'd want to be in, frankly.