You know you are going to have an interesting day when you get report that . . .

[proud nurse, BSN, RN]

I got report from the PM nurse that a 93 yo female patient leaped out at 2 security guards and held on like a spider monkey. Then she donkey kicked the nurse in the chest. The nurse got an order for making the patient 1:1. I go in to meet the patient, unsure if I should be afraid of this 93 yo woman or not. Introduced myself, she gave me a high five and was a sweetie all shift.

Sometimes it's the one's they don't warn me about.

[RNperdiem, RN]

"The wife and the girlfriend got into a catfight in the ED..." Right there is where I wish we had restricted visitation.

[SummitRN, BSN, RN]

Before report: It's 3am, the overheads are on, the lights are on in several rooms, the doctor is yelling to the nurse who is to give you report "he's not dying on my shift! What other orders do you want?" You peek in the room and see multiple pumps, CMV, CRRT, and the nurse is pushing a bristojet of something and says, "can you come give me a hand? I'll give you report in a bit."

[cayenne06, MSN, CNM]

I hope that's not what you do. 0.67 of a tablet = about 2/3 of a tablet. If you gave the patient "all but 0.67 ml" of that mixture, you just gave the patient over 9/10ths of the medication.

i just assumed she meant 1.0mL of water, not 10mL.

[monkeybug]

When you walk in and hear any of the following, or a combination:

"Thank God!"

"Fresh meat!"

"Got your roller skates?"

"I hope you ate on the way."

"Can you go ahead and clock in right this minute?" (a lot of us would arrive early, we self-assigned, so the early bird got the first choice of patients)

[sharpeimom]

When I worked in the state psych hospital and everyone I saw between the elevator and the nurses' station looked wild eyed as they said either "Guess who's back again?" or "You're in for a wild night because___was readmitted about noon."

[dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN]

"He's fifteen years old and took five hits of acid."

/didn't know people still did acid anymore

[dienne]

When the nurse who should give you report is under arrest and detained by police in the nursing office and being accused of trying to kill a patient.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

When you get off the elevator and the ghost of Bette Davis appears and says "Fasten your seatbelt. It's going to be a bumpy night.", you might be in for a rough shift.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

When you work in the OR and actually get report in the morning- it means the call team was probably in all night, will be going home, and we'll be working short 3 people.

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

When (as a home health nurse), you walk into your former hospital (that you're at at least 3x/week between dropping of labs and attending meetings) and the first two people you see are your old boss and the particularly horrible guardian of a former patient.

ETA: I realize this is not report, but I don't get report in my job. :)

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

I know I'm gonna have an interesting day when 5pm rolls around and staffing hasn't called to cancel my shift!