Why Can't Spouses and Families Understand The NOC Schedule?

anon456, BSN, RN · May 6, 2014

It's hard. Some people seem to be more understanding than others. Once I was so tired from so many interruptions of my sleep that I broke down in tears. I think that got through to my spouse. I also told him that lives are in my hands. If I don't get rest I could really hurt or kill someone, lose my job, my license and other consequences. I gave him a tour of my unit early on so he could see that this was a real place with real patients. Sometimes I tell him a little bit about my patients. Of course with HIPAA in mind I can still say, "I took care of a very sick baby last night. I hope he makes it," or "My little girl patient that I have had for two weeks finally went home. I was so glad to see that."

I also threatened to get a hotel room once. :sleep:

We share an electronic calendar and on the days I work I block out the whole day as a "not available" day. So he does not expect anything of me.

I hope your spouse gets it soon.

thenightnurse456 · May 6, 2014

If they don't do shift work they'll never understand... It's just how it is

applewhitern, BSN, RN · May 6, 2014

Agreed! Actually, I wish the whole world was more respectful of people that work odd shifts. I have worked the same shift, the same days of the week, for 5 years now, but invariably someone will wake me up just to say, "you're just now getting up?" And the ones who brag that they "get up at 4 or 5 in the morning," insinuating that I must be lazy, really get my goat! I bet they are beyond thrilled when they go to the ER and there are people~ awake~ and working!

thenightnurse456 · May 6, 2014

Oh yes, gotta love the people who think I'm lazy because I'm asleep during the day time.

calivianya, BSN, RN · May 6, 2014

Maybe it's the way you explain it? I don't know, I've never had this problem, and I've never been called lazy for sleeping during the day. My whole family and all of the SOs I have ever had have always been understanding of needing to sleep when you are not working.

However, I don't switch around. Switching around is confusing to families/friends/SOs. If they know I am always going to be asleep between 10am-6pm, it's not confusing and they respect it just like I respect that they have to be at work at 8 AM and so I don't call them at 3 AM. Do you all that get misunderstood switch your sleep around, or do you sleep the same time every day?

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 7, 2014

If they don't do shift work they'll never understand... It's just how it is

Even some spouses who DO shift work don't understand! My ex-husband used to wake me up before his 3-11 shift (I worked 11-7) to find his shoes for him. They were in the same place every time -- in front of the chair in front of the TV, right where he left them.

My father never got the night shift thing, even though (or so he tells me) he worked night shift for years in a bakery. He'd call me in the middle of the afternoon, just to chat. Finally I got so frustrated that I called him at 2 AM every morning for a week just to chat. He finally caught on!

Dad used to get up at 5AM every morning to milk the cows, and long after he sold the cows and retired, he was still up at 5AM every day. I worked 3 hours west of him, and I'd call him at 8AM while I was driving home after my night shift. We got to chat, and no one got woken up! (Except my mother if he didn't get to the phone fast enough.)

If your husband won't let you sleep, I'd suggest turning it around on him a few times. He'll get the message.

thenightnurse456 · May 7, 2014

Even some spouses who DO shift work don't understand! My ex-husband used to wake me up before his 3-11 shift (I worked 11-7) to find his shoes for him. They were in the same place every time -- in front of the chair in front of the TV, right where he left them.
My father never got the night shift thing, even though (or so he tells me) he worked night shift for years in a bakery. He'd call me in the middle of the afternoon, just to chat. Finally I got so frustrated that I called him at 2 AM every morning for a week just to chat. He finally caught on!
Dad used to get up at 5AM every morning to milk the cows, and long after he sold the cows and retired, he was still up at 5AM every day. I worked 3 hours west of him, and I'd call him at 8AM while I was driving home after my night shift. We got to chat, and no one got woken up! (Except my mother if he didn't get to the phone fast enough.)
If your husband won't let you sleep, I'd suggest turning it around on him a few times. He'll get the message.

That's men for ya

sharpeimom · May 7, 2014

Some people will never get it. I worked 7pm to 7am and despite repeated explanations of which days I worked and wh enough I slept, my

Mom's twin sister would call me mid-afternoon. Every. ****. Time.

Nothing I said sunk in and the only time I asked that she call in the morning, she got huffy and hurt.

The solution was idiot-simple. I call her two or three times per week instead of just once. I was much firmer with others.

THELIVINGWORST, ASN, RN · May 7, 2014

My cousin/roommate didn't understand at first, until I started bursting in her room in the middle of the night to tell her about my night. Also setting my phone to do not disturb while I'm asleep helps a ton.

Wrench Party · May 7, 2014

When I was orienting on days, my husband used to wake me up at 1 or 2 in the morning to tell me about his night he'd had. I'd

usually be in bed by 10. A few times of me waking him up at 5 and making me breakfast solved that problem.

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · May 7, 2014

My future wife does. My friends who work m-f 8-5 have a harder time with it. They dont get that work still happens on the weekend.