Why Can't Spouses and Families Understand The NOC Schedule?

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I'm back to working full time nocs after working full time days for the past 4 years, worked full time nocs for quite a few years before that. You'd think my husband would have somewhat of understanding about my sleep time, work schedule, ect... Nope, he doesn't. Never has. Today he decided to make Cinco de Mayo plans of drinks and appetizers at a local Mexican restaurant at 7pm. I start my 4 day stretch tonight, my shift starts at 10. He doesn't understand why I can't go!! Ummm margaritas three hours before my shift starts?! Not only that, I like to lay down before my shift after I've been off for a few days. I laid down early today because I haven't felt good and he wanted to know what I was doing!!!! SMH... I don't think he'll ever get it.

Specializes in adult psych, LTC/SNF, child psych.

DH is actually reallllly good about it. Right now he's working 8-5ish and I'm doing 11-7. I come home in the morning and cuddle a little bit before he gets up to go to work and I go to sleep for real. I sleep the whole time he's at work and then I'm awake by the time he's home. It was a bit harder when he didn't have to go to work until 11 am and I wanted to vent, but we came to an agreement that as long as I didn't expect him to actively participate in conversation, I could say whatever I wanted and he'd not remember it when he came to. Of course, I do switch over on my weekends (I'm M-F) but he's got no problem when I start switching back on Mondays. He encourages me to nap and is on top of me about sleeping well.

I'm going to be working days soon and he'll be doing 2-10pm. I have no doubt that we'll figure it out. I see crock-pot meals in our future. :)

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Specializes in LTC.

My mom used to be horrible about calling when I'm sleeping for work. And she wouldn't call just once...she'd call up to six times in a row and leave at least 3 voicemails. So I started turning the volume on my phone low enough that it wouldn't wake me up, and told her that I was absolutely not going to answer the phone when sleeping for work. And I started emailing her my work schedule. After a couple months, she finally figured it out. The only problem is now she calls when I really need to be getting ready to go to work. Everyone else usually doesn't try to call me unless they know I have a night off since I'm usually up all day when I get a night off.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

Mr. Meanmaryjean almost because 'The Late Mr. Meanmaryjean' the day he came in the bedroom with my phone and said "There's someone on the phone for you. I don't know who it is or what they want, but, did you want to talk to them or keep sleeping?"

This caused the biggest fight of our 38 year marriage (and almost ended it).

Needless to say, I now sleep undisturbed...

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When I worked nights, I used to be ready to kill my inlaws every couple of weeks....one of them would stop by to see the kids, or hubby, and would speak VERY QUIETLY, IN WHISPERS that could be heard in the next county. RIGHT outside my bedroom door. One time I walked out, glared at them, and said "DID YOU NEED SOMETHING??" Of course the response was "oh, no...did we wake you?" Nah...I'm only pretending to be awake.

As for the phone, I would turn off the ringer in my bedroom, and placed the answering machine at the farthest point in the house, so I wouldn't hear the messages being left. That's it: unavailable!

Used to get so annoyed at family who would say "I never know when to call you, you're always sleeping". Yeah, I'm *always* sleeping. Just don't call between 9am and 4pm, too hard to get? Never. Don't call then. Period. But they'd still call, leaving a message like "guess you're not there....or you're sleeping....". Sigh.

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I also almost killed (not really but felt like it) a solicitor that clearly ignored the no soliciting sign and the "do not disturb, night shift worker sleeping" sign and knocked repeatedly and rang the bell repeatedly. I guess because she saw my car in the driveway. Thinking it was the police or fire dept or something, I dragged myself out of bed to be met with a young woman with a clipboard and uniform trying to sell digital cable service. I asked her if she saw the signs and she said yes, but she was not selling something to me, she was "telling me about an opportunity." Then when I said I worked nights and she just woke me up and I had to work again that night with sick children, she said it was her "legal duty" to tell me they were digging and installing new digital lines in my area. I told her it was my legal duty to not have her on my property ignoring my signs, and she needed to leave right now. I have since put up two more signs on and around my door and have not had anyone knock since.

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Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

I literally gave up trying to explain or care. I finally went to two 24-hr shifts a week and off 5. My ex-husband never got it and needless to say, it didn't work out. :(

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Emergency, CEN.

I made my husband live my work shift (did housecleaning all night long while watching medical shows) for a long weekend and then woke him up every 10-15 minutes all day long. Never had a problem since.

I also love previous poster's idea of waking someone up in the middle of the night to talk.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I made my husband live my work shift (did housecleaning all night long while watching medical shows) for a long weekend and then woke him up every 10-15 minutes all day long. Never had a problem since.

.

Great idea, but how in the world did you get him to agree to stay up and clean all night?

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I also almost killed (not really but felt like it) a solicitor that clearly ignored the no soliciting sign and the "do not disturb, night shift worker sleeping" sign and knocked repeatedly and rang the bell repeatedly. I guess because she saw my car in the driveway. Thinking it was the police or fire dept or something, I dragged myself out of bed to be met with a young woman with a clipboard and uniform trying to sell digital cable service. I asked her if she saw the signs and she said yes, but she was not selling something to me, she was "telling me about an opportunity." Then when I said I worked nights and she just woke me up and I had to work again that night with sick children, she said it was her "legal duty" to tell me they were digging and installing new digital lines in my area. I told her it was my legal duty to not have her on my property ignoring my signs, and she needed to leave right now. I have since put up two more signs on and around my door and have not had anyone knock since.

I had a sign up on the garage door (the door you'd see first, before the front door) that stated "Night Shift Worker Sleeping During Daytime Hours, please don't ring doorbell". Thankfully didn't have a problem. Yes, once in a blue moon someone would walk past that sign and ring the bell, but didn't stick around when I didn't answer.

As for that "legally obligated" cable solicitor, I'd have called that company and given them a piece of my mind--and the exact reason they would never be getting a piece of my business!

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Neighbor occasionally has loud music playing when they're out gardening. Not my fault if someone is doing burnouts outside their driveway at night.

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Specializes in Palliative, Onc, Med-Surg, Home Hospice.

I have threatened to blast "The 1812 Overture" at my MIL"s door at 2am because of her propensity to stand outside my bedroom and talk, very loudly. On the phone, with the plumber, to herself. She only does this when I am in bed alone. (If C is alseep, she doesn't do this) She also got ***** with me because I told her that I was not able to do something for her, that I needed to get some sleep. I told her C. would have to do it. She was all like "he worked lat night". Okay, I also worked the night before and I had to go back that night and I work 12's with a one hour commute (one way). C works 8's and his commute is a whole 10 minutes. Some people choose NOT to get it.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I have threatened to blast "The 1812 Overture" at my MIL"s door at 2am because of her propensity to stand outside my bedroom and talk, very loudly. On the phone, with the plumber, to herself. She only does this when I am in bed alone. (If C is alseep, she doesn't do this) She also got ***** with me because I told her that I was not able to do something for her, that I needed to get some sleep. I told her C. would have to do it. She was all like "he worked lat night". Okay, I also worked the night before and I had to go back that night and I work 12's with a one hour commute (one way). C works 8's and his commute is a whole 10 minutes. Some people choose NOT to get it.

Your husband is going to have to fix this one. I had to have a little talk with mine that went something like: "She's YOUR mother, and doing XXXX for her is YOUR responsibility. I'm willing to help you out, but it's your primary responsibility." Funny, but the discussions about her moving in with us ended right then and there. Sounds like it's too late for you about the moving in, but I'd seriously discuss her moving OUT if she's not willing to let you sleep.

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