Why Can't Spouses and Families Understand The NOC Schedule?

Published

I'm back to working full time nocs after working full time days for the past 4 years, worked full time nocs for quite a few years before that. You'd think my husband would have somewhat of understanding about my sleep time, work schedule, ect... Nope, he doesn't. Never has. Today he decided to make Cinco de Mayo plans of drinks and appetizers at a local Mexican restaurant at 7pm. I start my 4 day stretch tonight, my shift starts at 10. He doesn't understand why I can't go!! Ummm margaritas three hours before my shift starts?! Not only that, I like to lay down before my shift after I've been off for a few days. I laid down early today because I haven't felt good and he wanted to know what I was doing!!!! SMH... I don't think he'll ever get it.

My husband said he wanted to make me a doctor's appointment to find out why I am always tired.

Well, working 4-5 12 hour NOC shifts per week and then trying to flip on my days off so I can be with other humans might be part of it.

At least he was concerned. I set him straight, and now he knows I don't need a doctor, just a big cup of coffee!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

One day I'm going to mow my lawn at 2 a.m.

Do I expect all my neighbors to know I work nights and then adjust their lawn-care schedule to coincide with my sleep schedule? No...but that doesn't stop me from becoming irrationally angry.

FWIW my husband takes great care not to wake me up when I have to work.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When I worked nocs before my husband got it even less than he does now! I don't know how many times I would hear this at 11:00am "Babe? Your mom's on the phone... Do you want to talk to her or should I have her call back later?" Or "It's noon, don't ya think you've slept late enough?" Ummmm NO!!!!! Leave me alone!!!!!

I sleep during the day (8-3) while he's at work and the kids are at school. There are times when my sleep is less than optimal and I'm exhausted and want to lay down in the evening before I go to work, he doesn't understand that 7 hours of deep uninterrupted sleep is NOT the same as 7 hours of sleep that gets interrupted every three hours or so!

Along with my husband I need to also train my dogs that momma needs to sleep and we aren't going outside to play!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency Department.

I'm not quite yet a nurse... but I'm no stranger to shift work. I have worked 3-11 pm for just about 10 years. Once I started going to school and she found out that I'd only get about 4-5 hours of sleep every night before clincals, she finally understood just how protective I am about ensuring that I get sufficient sleep and that I need to be on my own sleep schedule so that I'm not sleep-deprived for work or school. The problem was that it took her nearly 10 years to figure out that...

Now she kind of understands.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED, ICU, Education.

It's not just my family member and SO..it's the day staff who also don't quite get it. I was called at 1100 AM after working 7p-7a - and had to come in again at 7p just to ask about my schedule for the next week.

I have also been called by the manager at 3PM to work over time that night.....again, after working 7p-7a.

I now turn my phone to 'do not disturb' from 0800-1600. Works like a charm. ;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
My cousin/roommate didn't understand at first, until I started bursting in her room in the middle of the night to tell her about my night. Also setting my phone to do not disturb while I'm asleep helps a ton.

I have worked graveyard but in another field obviously and completely agree and I said many times "if people do not stop calling me at 2pm I am going to start calling them at 2am on my nights off and let them see how much they like it!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

It can be quite the challenge to get this through to family. My dad worked nights for a long time and so gets it. He never ever calls between Friday and Sunday (I'm a weekend option girl) unless someone has died. If we're shooting the breeze, it's almost always on a Tuesday morning. Nobody else who would be calling me gets it. To remedy that, we've turned the ringer off on the bedroom phone. I do have the luxury of not having to worry about kids in school on the weekends, and they are in Mr. Elvish's most capable hands.

I have worked nights since my oldest was a baby, so neither of the kids knows any different. They know that Mommy is sleeping, nobody bothers her. My toddler has a bit of a stubborn streak and opens any door she can, so I've taken to locking the bedroom doors when she is around. Again, my husband is always around when I'm working/sleeping, so he can handle whatever the kids need, and probably better than I could. :) My oldest is old enough that if it's just him and me in the house, I can go to bed and he can fend for himself for a couple hours. He knows our rules. Only wake Mom up if a) house is on fire; b) cops are at door; c) blood is pouring out of something other than a nose (he has nosebleeds and handles them fine); or d) a bone is sticking out that shouldn't be.

I'm very very lucky to have a husband that gets this and respects my need for sleep. The one time my son came barging in my room at 3pm for something silly, Mr. Elvish threatened him within an inch of his life.

Neighbors cutting lawns etc.....well, can't expect the whole world to bend to my schedule, but I do put in earplugs and crank up the box fans in the room. That works nicely to drown out most noises. If it's loud enough to wake me up despite that plus Ambien, it's probably worth waking up for.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

...and if any of you figures out the answer to this, many will applaud you: You worked a 12 last night. You stayed to give report and chart, so didn't leave work until 8:30 am. You got home after 9am. You have a LIFE, so you checked your mail, phone messages, made a couple of return calls, took your sleep meds (if you so indulge), ate something, showered, then went to bed. You are due in at 7pm again that night, so at BEST you are looking at six hours of sleep/rest.

So, naturally, your staffing office calls you at TWO pm, two hours after you manage to conk off, wanting to know if you could come in early, at 4. Or five. Or now.

SERIOUSLY?!?

Primary reason ringer off for phone in my bedroom, answering device in another room :)

(and how many noc people get the annoyed "why didn't you answer, I called three times!" quizzes?)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I My oldest is old enough that if it's just him and me in the house, I can go to bed and he can fend for himself for a couple hours. He knows our rules. Only wake Mom up if a) house is on fire; b) cops are at door; c) blood is pouring out of something other than a nose (he has nosebleeds and handles them fine); or d) a bone is sticking out that shouldn't be.

I'm very very lucky to have a husband that gets this and respects my need for sleep. The one time my son came barging in my room at 3pm for something silly, Mr. Elvish threatened him within an inch of his life.

LOL, I thought my list was bad: When they were young, the kids knew to wake me ONLY if the house was on fire (and it better be actual fire), there was blood---and ALOT of blood, I mean POOLS of blood--or, yes, a bone sticking out of skin. Those were reasons to wake me. Short of that, I might just CREATE on of the aforementioned situations in retaliation if they didn't follow the rules!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.

My very first weekend working nights, hockey season was still going on. I work Sat/Sun/Mon nights, and my kid had hockey games on Sat and Sun that I attended during the day, while squeezing in a nap before going to work each night.

When Monday morning rolled around, I had a couple errands to run before I could go home, so I didn't get to bed until about 1100. I had specifically asked the kid to ride the bus home from school that day because I needed to catch up on my sleep before my shift that night.

So he rode the bus home.....then came into the bedroom to wake me up and tell me he was going to a friend's house! And a bit later he woke me again to ask me if I was okay because "I looked sick". (If I did happen to be sick....wouldn't sleeping be the best thing for me?)

(I later found out that his father was home, too....he could have left me a note or told his father he was going to a friend's house, but no, he had to wake up his mom who was trying to catch on her sleep!)

So the next day, we had a little "come to Jesus meeting" about what is and isn't appropriate when Mom is sleeping, and we haven't had a problem since!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

So the next day, we had a little "come to Jesus meeting" about what is and isn't appropriate when Mom is sleeping, and we haven't had a problem since!

Hope it included the lists Elvish and I posted! :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

I'm very lucky. My dad had been a night shift nurse for a few years while I was in high school (so recently enough that he knows what to expect) and my husband is very considerate of my sleep. Dad, when he was night shift, used to call me at 0730 (I was in college by then), and while I wasn't thrilled, it meant I can now repay the favor when I've had a rough night. My husband, meanwhile, knows not to expect anything of me from 0800-1700 on days that I need to sleep. Some of my coworkers, however, have young kids and husbands that don't seem to appreciate the need for sleep.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion