When a pt "gets" to you

[mmc51264]

I had an experience this past weekend that has kind of taken me by surprise.

I had a pt that is very ill. large supportive family around, oldest child very nice. I spent a lot of time caring for this pt (pt still here) and was finally getting a chance to catch up on charting of my other 4 pts. youngest sibling called and wanted me to come to room, i didn't go immediately, we were short aides so you never know if it is something urgent, or "I need a drink". Family would not say what they needed. I did go in a reasonable amount of time (

Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen.

Thanks for listening.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

"I really do wish I could divide myself and be in two places at once. But this conversation is delaying her need more, so I'm going to step over here (toward the pt) and get going on that." Some version of that is how I respond to complaints about my non-statness.

I am so very sorry about your mom. I can see how her words stung given your situation.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I am so sorry about your mom....

[kentnurse97]

Yes! We do seem to be the scape goats for so many family members. The ones that I love are the ones who care for Mom or Pop at home, but when the brief needs changing, they call the nurse. I explain that this is the perfect time for me to watch them care for their loved one, and that I will be there to offer guidance should they need it. All the while explaining that this is part of my assessment before the patient is sent home, too make sure that the care is provided adequately. I never mind changing a diaper, in fact I tell them that I am the best butt washer the VA has, but it is my job to make sure they know how to do these things. I have been chewed out by family members but I sit back and let them chew me up one side and down the other, then I say excuse me, I have another patient to care for and I will be gone awhile because they don't have family to care for them. I know this sounds pathetic, but it is true. I also lost my twin sister three years in March and she was the only one who called me Sis. Recently, I had someone else to do that and it put me back for a minute, but I just took it as a "note" from my Sis that she was watching me. I would bet your Mother is very proud of you and what you have accomplished and please take reminders of her as being positive, especially in your work environment. I believe that those who have gone on before, visit us sometimes to give us reminders of their love.

[canigraduate]

When people say that to me, I just give them the blank stare and move on. Manipulative a-holes get no response from me.

I had to get out of ICU for a while because it reminded me of my Mama's death, though. I haven't been back.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I have lost both parents, due to hospital and doctor errors.

It was impossible to continue providing nursing care.. every patient reminded me of MY loss. I felt I could not do enough for my patients.

As you are "bursting into tears".. you must realize that hands on care is no longer possible for you.

And that's okay. Get away from the bedside. Use your skills elsewhere.

[djh123]

I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry you lost your mother - and in such a terrible way. I haven't had anything quite like that happen at work, but I have had the occasional family member who has no idea how crazy and limited my and my aides' time is... why can't we just drop everything and make things perfect for *their* family member?!? Well, we try more than they think, but we're spread too thin.

[SleeepyRN]

I have lost both parents, due to hospital and doctor errors.

It was impossible to continue providing nursing care.. every patient reminded me of MY loss. I felt I could not do enough for my patients.

As you are "bursting into tears".. you must realize that hands on care is no longer possible for you.

And that's okay. Get away from the bedside. Use your skills elsewhere.

I don't think that one bout of shedding tears when no one else was around over a sudden heartbreaking memory means that the OP doesn't belong at the bedside anymore.

[blackberry74]

What a sad thing to happen. I am sorry for your loss. But you know what? You still have heart, and you will be just fine :)

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I don't think that one bout of shedding tears when no one else was around over a sudden heartbreaking memory means that the OP doesn't belong at the bedside anymore.

I am not saying she belongs anywhere. I am saying for the sake of her mental health.. it's time to get outta dodge.

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

I m sorry for your loss.That was like hitting below the belt.

I know families can be demanding- after all they are told to expect this.People are so rude.I get that they are under incredible stress. I understand that they may lash out as they don't know what else to do. But it still hurts us to be abused to.

So I offer you a virtual hug.

I actually had a patient who was so rude. He flat out said " I don't care if you have other people to take care of. I don't want to hear it. I come first"

What are you gonna do. No win situations.

I would agree to finding something else non patientt care to do.

People are only going tp get worse and ruder, and you don't need the abuse like salt in a wound.

I'm sorry again

[Wrench Party]

I usually announce my game plan for the evening/day- "I'll be back to check on you in around ___, I'm going to see my other patients". Lets patients know they don't exist in a nursing vacuum. If we have to walk or go to procedures, I set up the expectations for the day.

Fortunately I usually have mostly continent, alert and oriented, post-surgical patients, so they can, with some prompting, describe their needs to me and I can plan around it.

[Farawyn]

I am not saying she belongs anywhere. I am saying for the sake of her mental health.. it's time to get outta dodge.

I agree with Sleeepy. I worked Med Surg for 20 years. If I left every time my eyes filled with tears or I had to take 5 minutes to get under control I wouldn't be a nurse.