When a pt "gets" to you

Nurses Relations

Published

I had an experience this past weekend that has kind of taken me by surprise.

I had a pt that is very ill. large supportive family around, oldest child very nice. I spent a lot of time caring for this pt (pt still here) and was finally getting a chance to catch up on charting of my other 4 pts. youngest sibling called and wanted me to come to room, i didn't go immediately, we were short aides so you never know if it is something urgent, or "I need a drink". Family would not say what they needed. I did go in a reasonable amount of time (

Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen.

Thanks for listening.

Sometimes you have to keep it real.

If you spend an excessive amount of time with a patient they will expect constant attention and impose on you for trivial matters. Be respectful but do not socialize. Work efficiently so that they have realistic expectations of your ability to spend time with them. This is self preservation and teaching people how to treat you.

^THIS

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Corrections, neurology, dialysis.

In the recovery community we have a saying.

"Cover up your buttons".

We all have buttons that can be pushed. Manipulators, narcicists and just all around jerks are experts at pushing buttons. When you get that upset feeling, that is your button being pushed. You don't have to react to it. That's what they are trying to do.

Cover up your buttons. They know which buttons to push in general, and they'll keep pushing buttons until they figure out which one is yours. Don't give them the satisfaction. These people don't live your life. They have no right to take away your emotional safety.

Best of luck.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When I've had something like that happen I give myself a talk to re frame it. Family is stressed and needs to take it out on someone. Nurse is usually the best candidate. I try not to take it personal and I understand shedding a few tear too.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in orthopedic/trauma, Informatics, diabetes.

Many of you telling me to get out. This is the fist time EVER in 4 years that it had happened. I work on an ortho floor and this was an off-service pt. I don't see a lot of them like this. I was just blown away that I reacted that way; totally caught me off guard.

I am on my way out, not sure of the time frame-in school for MSN-Informatics. I love working bedside, but at 50 (started in nursing late), I know I am not going to last another 15 years so already looking for another avenue.

Thank you all very much for your support :D

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm so sorry you felt this way :( it's a tough job we have, especially for those of us who are truly caring and kind. Chin up, you got this!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Many of you telling me to get out. This is the fist time EVER in 4 years that it had happened. I work on an ortho floor and this was an off-service pt. I don't see a lot of them like this. I was just blown away that I reacted that way; totally caught me off guard.

I am on my way out, not sure of the time frame-in school for MSN-Informatics. I love working bedside, but at 50 (started in nursing late), I know I am not going to last another 15 years so already looking for another avenue.

Thank you all very much for your support :D

I don't think you need to get out unless you already wanted to. I've had a few of these "out of left field" emotional reactions. You can't predict them. Generally I have no real problem with professional detachment to the point I've wondered if that indicated there was something wrong with my empathy.

I needed to trust that my internal balancer would move back to center and it always has, although we should be mindful things can change, and not be in denial about that, but your situation doesn't appear that way to me.

I'm so sorry about the way you lost your mother.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC.
Many of you telling me to get out. This is the fist time EVER in 4 years that it had happened. I work on an ortho floor and this was an off-service pt. I don't see a lot of them like this. I was just blown away that I reacted that way; totally caught me off guard.

I am on my way out, not sure of the time frame-in school for MSN-Informatics. I love working bedside, but at 50 (started in nursing late), I know I am not going to last another 15 years so already looking for another avenue.

Thank you all very much for your support :D

I know exactly where you're coming from. My mother was murdered almost 2 years ago. That experience has forever changed how I view the world, people, process emotions, etc.

My dad died of natural causes almost 9 years ago now, and comparing the two losses is like comparing apples to rocks. Murder is so far removed from a "normal" loss that there is no valid comparison. I liken it to comparing an abrasion to a traumatic amputation. I am in no way implying that a natural death is somehow less painful, they're just so different...

My personal experience is that I'll be skipping along my day, seemingly well, then something will happen or be said then wham! A memory will hit from out of the blue and catch me off guard. It can be tough but taking 5 to cry is perfectly ok and normal. Maybe a little inopportune in the middle of shift, but when you need to cry, you need to cry. That pt's daughter just happened to be the catalyst for your need to release some emotions.

Try to view the incident for what it was. A woman attempting to advocate for her parent with very poor interpersonal skills. Try not to take it personal. We will have "those" moments. And that's ok, too.

(((hugs)))

Up Vote Up Vote ×

This is a strange way to look at the issue but...When I have potty trained all of my children they looked at me with big eyes that say.."I want to please you but I have no idea of whats going on or how to go about it." and the frustration for both of us began. PT families in a hard spot have the same look in their eyes. I block out my own frustration at the PT family by remembering and connecting that look.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Ortho, CMSRN.

I think for a lot of the REALLY sick and their family, it's a control issue. They cannot control the disease process, they can't control the fact that they're losing their loved one (or their own life). But they can control one thing, or person... and you'd better hop to like they are your only patient. I can't imagine losing a parent and how it must effect you in situations like that. I'm sorry that they treated you in that manner. That is NOT ok. I liked the comment someone else made... but I don't think that putting them in their place will ultimately make them OR you feel any better.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

Yes it did happen to me, the daughter of a woman who was dying proceeded to call me a *****, l oudly when I asked that the family (about 20 people) come back in twos. I later ended up not only letting several spend the night in the room (not our policy) but I was also the appointed servant to bring drinks, snacks, etc. for the night. I proceeded to do my best to save the patient, which did happen. She died a full two weeks later. I wish my delivery had been better, and had I not been so intense, I would not have made an enemy of the daughter. She later complained about me to admin. I learned from it. Not everyone accepts death with grace.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I am so sorry this happened to you, and brought up a sad memory as well. It's hard to please every pt all the time, or their family, but just remember we are all doing the best we can. That's all anyone can ask of us. There are just some days when stuff like this happens and it throws us off course a little bit. Work through it, regroup, and hang in there. Virtual hug :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I really want to hug you. I've been there, a few times. I've seen my family in my patients several times. It's good that you are cognizant of that though, we're only human. It's denial about it effecting you that can get you in trouble.

The worst thing I've dealt with to date is having a father and teenage son hovering as I cared for their very very painful wife/mother post radical mastectomy. The son clicked away on his phone as I announced meds I was giving, scrutinizing my every move and looking things up. The father stood over me and asked why she hurt so much, where was the MD, etc. I encouraged them to advocate to the MD when he rounded for a PCA. The q2h wasn't doing it. The MD was very blaise.

But at shift change, i came in with my final dilaudid because I didn't want her to get lost in shift report with pain management. The MD said he'd "think" about a PCA if she didn't "feel better" by 1930. I knew nothing of this, no one came to me, and I was in a code until 1855. Id paged numerous times, even going above the MD. No answer. No medical note. I couldn't get them to include me in their care planning.

Somehow it was my fault that the MD hadn't already acted? He cornered and almost hit me. The son cried and the father immediately backed down and was profusely sorry. He seemed shell shocked by his own behavior. What could I do? Tell him, yeah she hurts, but I'm here now... someone four doors down just DIED? We can't be everywhere. They'll never get that.

I gave the med, gave report, and told charge I could not have that patient back. I left and cried in my car. I felt so badly that I took it personal, that I was mad that the MDs nonchalantness was MY fault when I tried so hard, and I was hurt that another person considered intimidating me a viable option. Do not feel bad for distancing yourself, I understand, they're raw and they overreact. But you don't deserve abuse.

I wrote two incident reports on that event. The violent father, and the negligent MD. It took me a while to reconcile that day emotionally. But while she didn't deserve to suffer, I didn't deserve to be threatened for things beyond my control.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment