Ugh- helicopter/tiger mom!

Specialties School

Published

I work in a 7th/8th building. I have a 7th grader who is diabetic, diagnosed 5 years ago.

Her mother comes in every day at lunchtime to check her daughter's sugar and to personally administer the insulin, because she doesn't trust any of the school nurses (this has always been her arrangement).

Yesterday, the first full day of school, she showed up 15 minutes early, was incredibly rude to me, and criticized how I had my office arranged. She then yelled at me and told me that I should have warned her that my other diabetic student was going to be coming in while she was there. (Keep in mind that it's lunchtime, my building has 450 kids, and I have lots of students who get lunchtime meds or have other needs at lunchtime). I explained to her that it isn't appropriate for me to discuss the schedules of other students, and that the health office will always be busy at lunchtime, so if she needs total privacy, that she can use a bathroom, or check in the main office to see if there's an empty room she can use.

She said she wasn't upset about the other kids coming for medications, just about her daughter seeing the other diabetic student. It doesn't make sense to me, and I don't even really understand what she wants from me. Any input? Am I missing something? Before any other students came in, I told her that there would be other students coming, and that she could draw the curtain if she needed privacy. She seems to be really focused on the other diabetic kid, which seems weird to me.

I can't deal with her every day for the next two years. I've been warned by teachers and other nurses about her craziness, but this is next-level!

I agree with TriciaJ, I think she doesn't want her daughter to see that someone her age can be independent. She wants total control and to be the important person who is necessary in daughter's life. She may be in for a really rude awakening when she gets to high school!

I work in a 7th/8th building. I have a 7th grader who is diabetic, diagnosed 5 years ago.

Her mother comes in every day at lunchtime to check her daughter's sugar and to personally administer the insulin, because she doesn't trust any of the school nurses (this has always been her arrangement).

Yesterday, the first full day of school, she showed up 15 minutes early, was incredibly rude to me, and criticized how I had my office arranged. She then yelled at me and told me that I should have warned her that my other diabetic student was going to be coming in while she was there. (Keep in mind that it's lunchtime, my building has 450 kids, and I have lots of students who get lunchtime meds or have other needs at lunchtime). I explained to her that it isn't appropriate for me to discuss the schedules of other students, and that the health office will always be busy at lunchtime, so if she needs total privacy, that she can use a bathroom, or check in the main office to see if there's an empty room she can use.

She said she wasn't upset about the other kids coming for medications, just about her daughter seeing the other diabetic student. It doesn't make sense to me, and I don't even really understand what she wants from me. Any input? Am I missing something? Before any other students came in, I told her that there would be other students coming, and that she could draw the curtain if she needed privacy. She seems to be really focused on the other diabetic kid, which seems weird to me.

I can't deal with her every day for the next two years. I've been warned by teachers and other nurses about her craziness, but this is next-level!

Just ask her exactly what she needs. Tell her you're confused and just ask why the other DM kid's presence upsets her. I hate it when people don't just freaking ask. How would anyone on here know what she wants? Don't let other people jaundice your view of her, esp if you don't just ask her directly what the freak she wants and needs. Nicely, of course.

Specializes in NICU.
Unfortunately all of the 504 meeting minutes in her file reflect this pattern of hers. She isn't doing her daughter any favors by not teaching her to manage her own condition. Also, her A1C last month was 5.9, so she's been in good control.

My administrators are very much "the parents are always right," which sucks, but I did speak with them yesterday to give my side of things, because I have a feeling this woman will complain a lot to them. I'm seriously considering applying for an opening at the elementary school in the district. Smaller school, same distance from home, and the administrators are supposed to be awesome.

Sorry I do not have a solution just a comment,isn't it chagrin this situation and how administration rarely takes the side or gives support to the RN employee and how many of us find ourselves looking for work elsewhere just because of these types of no win situations.

Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.

I had issues with my only TD 1 student here. His mom was not intense, but all over things. If LD complained that his teacher was not letting him go to the restroom, then mom was all over this (She's in PTO, always here). So when she first met me, we had a complicated relationship. She wasn't happy I was new, nor that I knew not much about diabetes and the first few weeks I was super stressed because I didn't know how things were going to go. She made me go get training from her doctor, which helped a lot and then it came to the point where she was always upset because her LD was always high, but I was always checking him. We had a meeting with his teachers and everyone and we learned that he was just super stressed. The reason for the stress?

Basically worried he wouldn't be able to go to the bathroom or nurse without tickets. His teacher set up a system to the students to manage bathroom breaks with tickets, you had 10 tickets each week for bathroom use, but she gave it to the LD to make him feel like he was the same in the class but he still had unlimited use of the bathroom. Kid freaked out because of the tickets and told mother. Not only that, he didn't want to check himself or got sick himself on purpose to go home, didn't want to listen to me about drinking his water. Mother did blame me for a while, but we agreed on what was happening and we went hard on him.

3 years later and we have a good relationship, Kid is listening to me and we are doing good.

Maybe it will take time with this parent? She sounds extreme but once you talk to her and try to see what's going on, maybe it can start a good relationship.

Specializes in Med-surg, school nursing..

Maybe have a sit down with mom, let her express her concerns. Gently ask her why she would rather come to dose her child (it honestly may be just a security blanket for her).

Suggest goals working towards independence and the importance of this come high school. If there are no cognitive/developmental delays explain to mom that as the student gets older this may become a social issue, and could end up with her getting picked on because her mom still comes.

Also suggest that maybe mom let you watch how she doses, then switch roles. Have her watch you a few times, tell her what you would do in the event of a super high/low. Maybe once she sees that you do indeed know what you are doing she will feel more comfortable. Then start with her letting you do it every other day if she doesn't want to give up too much yet. Yes, this is playing into the ridiculousness that is helicopter mom, but just think of it as advocating for the child.

The student's diabetes is very well managed as evidenced by her A1C, so mom is doing it right...BUT, she WILL have to be independent eventually and I would explain to mom that that needs to start happening now. That way she isn't on her own after high school with no clue how to manage her own diabetes.

Is it possible that she doesn't want her kid to talk to other kids with diabetes and realize that they have more autonomy over their disease care than she does? After all, it would be mighty inconvenient if the kid started bucking the system the mom set up and talking to other kids with the same disease but differences in how they do their care might spark that. So if kiddo doesn't realize there are other kids then.......

Ya know?

Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.

This appears to me as an offshoot of the variants of munchausen by proxy we see in school nursing.

Specializes in ICU/community health/school nursing.

Old Dude, I've missed your wisdom.

I was thinking the same thing, 5 years diagnosed and in 7th grade, that mom is setting her daughter up for failure :(

Specializes in Dialysis.
I honestly think she didn't want her daughter to see that other kids have the option of managing their insulin independently, because she obviously has her own insecurities about letting her child at least try to do it on her her own. Her daughter is not showing any signs of being incapable. I think this mom has issues that run deep and this is her channel for them.

This is exactly what I was thinking! She wants to control every aspect of her daughter. This will most likely backfire on her someday.

I hope this is a sci-fi story...

I'm no HIPAA police. But this one makes me cringe! :nailbiting:

I'm Surprised... it's still active or open.

That is so bizarre! So odd that she wouldn't want her child to be near someone she can actually relate to...

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