Torn and Discouraged

Jilaweez, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 20, 2007

I know what you are going through is tough. My husband also decided to return to school around the same time I did. I took some online classes and one class here, one class there, a fulltime semester or two when he finished and I start NS this fall. I would've graduated eons ago if things went the way I wanted them to. I also had two children in the mix of it all, and one already at home. It was really sad at times and I thought there would never come a day that I would ever finish, now I can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however dim it may be. I cried at times, and kept on trucking...it has been a looong time but it does come, so if possible keep your job, start out slow and even if you don't finish in three years you'll be that much closer when your husband finishes school and it is your turn. My husband is super supportive of me, I helped him reach his goal so he takes care of the kids and cooks dinner so I have time to reach mine.

I do agree with you supporting your husband, but don't let him hold you back either!! You have to do what is best for you and for your family. Maybe you could both work part time and go to school part time..that would be fair for both, especially since there are no children involved.

*Blessed2BaNRS* · Apr 20, 2007

Hi wugfun,

I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma, but it will work out. I know about the husband wanting to go back to school. Mine is a perpetual student!! I started school and a year later, he has gone back. We have 4 kids at home, ages 8-13, so it is crazy around here!!! If there is any way, I would look into doing a couple of online classes while he is going. That way, you are working toward your pre reqs and getting them out of the way. I don't know your money situation, but with not being able to afford for both of you to go might mean you can get some good student loans or grants. I know that I didn't want to go into debt with loans, but I also know that I am not getting any younger!!!

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do~

panzyo3 · Apr 20, 2007

Have you thought about student loans? Thats how I'm paying for my school. You should check around, because pretty much all schools now offer part time enrollment (even some nursing programs!), that way you can get your prerequisites done and still help support your family!

catzy5 · Apr 20, 2007

I decided to start my nursing journey a few months ago and am just starting to look at nursing schools and find a place to do my pre-regs.
Then DH comes along and tells me he is planning on returning to school too!!!! And he is reluctant to consider both of us being in school at the same time. He says we can only afford to have one of us go and since I am the one with the job (he has been searching for over a year with no avail) I will have to keep it to support us. He is the one who logically should go back then. He wants to get his master's degree.
To complicate it all, he is visually impaired and that hinders his job options. So he does have to have lots of education for an employer to really consider hiring him worth it. I am completely devoted to my husband, and want to see him succeed and not have any regrets of what he "should have done".
But I so want to be a nurse . . . and I don't want to have to wait three or so years for him to finish. That is about when have planned to start our family, so it would be babies and school at the same time, and, while doable, stressful. Aggghhh! What should I do?
Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Well there is no reason you can't go to school and work many people do it. I don't have a job out side the home but I do have 3 kids (full time job its self) and my husband is gone all week. I started off with pecking away one class at a time, take it in small bites and if you are doing something you will feel good about progressing toward your goals, trust me it goes by very quick!

NurseJeanB · Apr 20, 2007

Okay here is my two cents. It is absolutely doable to work full-time and get your prereqs done. I did it with a 10 year old son (he's now 14). It takes awhile and oh there are times when it is so hard, but it is worth it. Now your husband's thinking that both of you can't go at the same time is troublesome. I think you should look into getting your prerequisites done through a community college. The courses are not that expensive and some companies have a tuition reimbursement program. The other option is you should contact the hospitals that you are interested in working for. Some of them have work study programs where they will let you work and pay for schooling. Some even have contracts where they pay for schooling as long as you work for them after you graduate. Don't be discouraged. You have a dream and your husband does as well and you will work it out so that you can accomplish both.

Best of luck to you.

seva · Apr 20, 2007

As a woman, you may instinctually put your husband's needs first. May I suggest that you tamper this and approach this issue with caution and research.

Whose education will lead to the most immediate financial rewards? That may be the route to go.

seva

justme1972 · Apr 20, 2007

If I were in your particular situation, considering his employment options are limited due to being visually impaired, I would start looking at the salaries and liklihood of him gaining employment, even with an advanced degree.

If your salary would exceed his, then I think you should be the one to go to school first.

For now, I would probably encourage him to call the local unemployment office to see if there are jobs that they may be able to refer him to for visual impairment. In the meanwhile, there may be government benefits he can apply for if he is unable to find a job. A year is a very long time in the current job market.

DDRN4me · Apr 20, 2007

I understand how hard it seems... but as many other posters have stated, one class at a time is neither financially or workload burdening. Check with your employer for any tuition reimbursement programs. He should look into scholarships and financial aid , especially with his visural impairment and history of unemployment he will have a good chance of obtaining funding!

since you have no children it will give you a chance to study together as well. It has taken me a VERY long time to get my degree but i have done it part tiime while working 2 jobs and raising a family... good luck!!! Mary

stpauligirl · Apr 20, 2007

I decided to start my nursing journey a few months ago and am just starting to look at nursing schools and find a place to do my pre-regs.
Then DH comes along and tells me he is planning on returning to school too!!!! And he is reluctant to consider both of us being in school at the same time. He says we can only afford to have one of us go and since I am the one with the job (he has been searching for over a year with no avail) I will have to keep it to support us. He is the one who logically should go back then. He wants to get his master's degree.
To complicate it all, he is visually impaired and that hinders his job options. So he does have to have lots of education for an employer to really consider hiring him worth it. I am completely devoted to my husband, and want to see him succeed and not have any regrets of what he "should have done".
But I so want to be a nurse . . . and I don't want to have to wait three or so years for him to finish. That is about when have planned to start our family, so it would be babies and school at the same time, and, while doable, stressful. Aggghhh! What should I do?
Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

As a woman you should NEVER be asked to compromise your education....get student loans like someone else here suggested

Trauma Columnist · Apr 20, 2007

You have some good suggestions here.

My own situation was that both dh and I were in school at the same time, we both worked full time for years and years. It can be done. Its not necessarily fun but it is possible. We saved a lot, did without vacations for years and years but we did it.

BTW we also had two sons who were ages 5 and 10 when we started and 10 and 15 when we finished. DH also was deployed during this time.

I wish you luck too

HikingNinja, BSN, MSN, DNP, RN, APRN, NP · Apr 20, 2007

I agree with several of the things posters have said here:

Work fulltime and take your prereq's part time - I did it, taking one class at a time working 60 hours or more a week. Got them done in 3 years.

Consider the feasibilty of his planned degree - for example, has he done the research for the market demand for his planned degree? If he wants an MBA, has he looked to see how in demand MBA's are in your area? If they are not in demand there, but are in other places, are you both willing to move?

Free education - in my state they have a government office call the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation. I know someone who is having all her school paid for by them and will even get job placement assistance afterwards because she is disabled. See if there is one in your state.

Student loans - just about all of us have them. I have alot. But when it comes down to it I will be more than happy to write that check every month knowing I am doing what I love and making a decent living at it.

Work with your husband to come up with a solution together. Let him know how important your dream is to you. There are ways to get through this together.

Dee