Too quiet to be a nurse?

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Today was the worst day I've had so far in nursing school. I admit that I'm not a very outgoing person, but I'm great with my patient's. I'm able to communicate with my patient's and the nursing staff at clinicals without a problem. However, today my instructor had a conversation with me and asked me "do you even have any friends"? I told her that no I haven't made any close friends but I do talk to different people in my class. She then told me that I am very strange and that makes her question herself about me. That it was weird and I seem like a very cold person. I couldn't really talk after this. I was very upset because I've never thought of myself as a bad person. She proceeded to tell me I need to break down my wall but she's not my psychiatrist. I feel so discouraged and I'm beginning to think maybe I don't have what it takes to be a nurse because I'm not very sociable with my class mates. I'm in my first semester. I just prefer to keep to myself. Does this make me a bad person?

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I'm so sorry that she said something so hurtful and mean to you. I can see if she thought that it was important for you to open up a bit more and if maybe she had offered something a bit more gentle and constructive it would have been ok, but what she said was mean and she should have known it would make someone who was a bit introverted shut down even more. I'm on the shier side myself and if anyone said that to me, I would be totally mortified. Just very insulting, and a horrible approach.....It's ok to be quiet or reserved if that is who you are, the most important thing is that you are good with the patients. Perhaps you may want to talk to a different faculty member about it if it bothers you.

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Specializes in Hospice.

No that does nor make you a bad person! I'm not a social butterfly nor did I "make friends" in nursing school. There were a few that I spoke with on campus, but we didn't hang out afterwards, and I didn't do the study group thing either.

Why would she question herself regarding you? So what if you're "strange"? What exactly is strange? Is it because you are quiet, or don't socialize with the others? I would want to know why she said these things to me.

What ever you do, don't let this instructor get you down.

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Specializes in Med-Surg/urology.

I agree, that was very insensitive to say. But I say this as a warning- you may encounter much ruder remarks than that. Perhaps they will come from other instructors, or even from future coworkers. Don't let the words of an instructor you will probably never see again get to you and make you question your abilities.

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Ack, that really sucks that she thinks it's OK to say that to ANYone, let alone a student she's supposed to be helping :/

I have only made 1-2 good friends in nursing school. i'm not a social butterfly and quite honestly I don't have the time, the money or the desire to hang out with them, it doesn't make me a bad person and it doesn't make YOU a bad person.

The semester is almost done, get through the next couple weeks and hopefully you get a different instructor next semester

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Specializes in SCRN.

I know how it is, I did not have a great instructor either in the first semester. She would put me on the spot in class because I never small talked to her at break. I was angry with her most of the time. Thank God my clinical instructor was a totally different person, supported me, did not make me feel inferior.

If my instructor said something about my personality, she would have heard a lot about her own. I would tell her she is being disrespectful. It is not personality that has to be looked at, its the ability to connect with patient, find out what's bothering them psychologically and physically. Therapeutic relationships are more about listening than talking from nurse's perspective, asking a pertinent question, and listening again. Chatter boxes will not get much information.

What I wanted to say is: there is no personality that is best for nursing. Or any other profession. Don't ever think you have a "bad" personality, focus on acquiring new skills and communication techniques as you continue studying, and you will make a great nurse!

People above are right: new semester, new instructor, it will get better.

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Specializes in CVICU.

I think she really overstepped her boundaries. It is one thing to tell a student that they are not outgoing enough or that they don't participate in class/clinicals enough (not saying that's the case here). It is another thing to ask "Do you even have friends?" and say "You are strange." These are not things I would want people I knew saying to me, let alone an instructor.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

No, of course being quiet does not make you a "bad" person.:geek:

I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged, I'm also quite introverted and have gotten the whole "you need to be more outgoing" spiel from my clinical instructor this semester as well. I agree with other posters that calling you "strange" and "a very cold person" might have been a bit over the line but all you can really do is put the rudeness aside and try to consider the core of the message she was trying to convey. DO you need to be more communicative with patients/your instructor/your nurse? Is there something in your demeanor that is making the aforementioned uncomfortable? Don't take the unnecessarily cruel bits to heart, just put the emotions aside and give some thought to whether or not her criticisms have merit. If you really think she was just picking on you (or maybe it was just her awkward way of trying to make conversation?) try to muster up as much liveliness as you can for the rest of your time with her and start counting down the days until the end of the semester.

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That wasn't very nice of her to say to you. I didn't talk to anyone in nursing school unless it was school related things. I didn't participate in group studies and I didn't hang out with anyone after class. I went to school to learn and not make friends. (Ironically I did end up being friends with 2 of my classmates but after we graduated) I do have friends but most are from childhood. I'm introverted and like you I communicate well with my patients and other staff. I'm a PRN float nurse and I often have patients wishing that I was their nurse their entire hospital stay. I float because I'm introverted and don't have to talk to people unless necessary.

So yes you can be quiet and introverted and still be a good nurse. I would have told her that I'm quiet because I'm absorbing information and trying to learn how to be a good nurse. (But I can be persnickety too when people challenge me). I agree with the other person who said maybe be a little more perky while in her class just so you can get through it.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com

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No mamm I'm the same way. My clinical instructor noticed that about me.. I thought she hated me but she really broke me out of my shell.. I can't believe your said that to you! How rude! What I did was stay under my ci's radar and asked the staff questions only.. i would say you are doing great by talking to the nurses and pts. Really who cares what she thinks! This is for you! You will become more confident as time goes... my mean teacher told me that I was improving and that she was shy too and said it may make you too bossy lol! So toughen up.. and. Be even a bit intrudy.. and dont apoologise to an rn when you interupt her.. trust me it works

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Wow! That's a very weird thing for an instructor to say. I am somewhat like you.. I'm very quiet and I don't normally open up to people, it takes me a whole to be comfortable. I remember when I was in LVN school.. We were doing skills lab and I had to asses my pt, one of my instructor was there to evaluate me and I remember feeling strange cus I was talking to a manikin and I wasn't all that comfortable w assessing pts. She told me not to be shy and jst be straightforward. It wasn't until we actually started doing our clinicals that I felt somewhat comfortable with what I was doing.

Just to give you a little heads up.. It's probably going to be a lot difficult once you start working. I just started working as an LVN about 2 months ago. And now that I'm off orientation and working by myself I've been hearing people talk about me. In my defense I'm a very friendly person and sometimes my facial expression may give off a different vibe to other people. I admit I'm not the easiest person to approach.. but regardless I try my best to mingle and what not. I'm really just a keep it to myself type person and I like working by myself. I guess my coworkers just think I'm not at all friendly and that I'm mean so they end up NOT liking me.

I guess you should try to be more open. I mean you probably have and it's jst people don't see it that way. I'm sorry about what your instructor said. That probably wasn't the nicest way to approach you. Don't let him/her bring you down. You're great at what you do and just continue to do better.

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Specializes in Med/ Surg/ Telemetry, Public Health.

I am like you I am quiet and reserved.I had an instructor say that to me once, I just let that roll off and kept doing great patient care. When I am at clinical I am focused. I do talk and communicate with staff, my clinical instructor, and the patients. That is who I am I can't change that, I have been shy since I was younger. I have gotten out of the shyness I don't really care what people think of me now.(I still hate to get up and talk in front of large crowds of people). No not being talkative doesn't make you a bad person. For your instructor to ask you that was just rude. In class I don't have what you call best-friends but I talk and socialize with everyone. My main focus is to finish nursing school not be miss talkative of the year.Don't let that break you down, that's her opinion. This is your first semester you will adjust and do fine.

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