Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Atheos · Jul 29, 2008

Forbes did a online article about dangerous sports. Article

Life gets boring. So many people participate in these sports because life is about fun. Do bad things happen? Sure. Bad things happen to those that stay in their safe little boxes too. I would gladly trade a few years of life for a few hours of intense joy.

While we don't think about these things when we are young, why is it that so many older people still do dangerous things? Skydiving, motorcycles, base jumping, running with bulls... A life of boredom and safety is not a life worth living. It's not even living, just existing. More people than you imagine do dangerous things purposely.

Go bungie jumping or skydiving and tell me it's not the best experience of your life. :chuckle

Extreme sports... It has the highest increase in participation by people of all ages than any other activity. Makes you wonder...

This is a classic. George Bush Senior skydiving. Looks like the 12-30 thing is old news. Even old folks participate in extreme sports. Life is short! LIVE IT!!!

prmenrs, RN · Jul 29, 2008

And the corollary to what I said before is.....DENIAL!!!

rph3664 · Jul 29, 2008

Reminds me, once again, that males ages 12 to 30 (and some females) do not have a tight grasp on human mortality as a concept that applies to them personnally.

I have two X chromosomes, and totally cringe when I think about some of the things I did in my youth.

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Jul 29, 2008

I have two X chromosomes, and totally cringe when I think about some of the things I did in my youth.

Me. Too. :rolleyes:

tencat · Jul 30, 2008

Life IS too short, why try to make it shorter? :selfbonk:

Atheos · Jul 30, 2008

Life IS too short, why try to make it shorter? :selfbonk:

I bet you do something that could make it shorter. :)

Smoke? Lack of Exercise? Working Night Shift? Fast Food? Pollution?

Don't take my word for it...

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln

Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do not outlive yourself. ~George Bernard Shaw

Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 30, 2008

I bet you do something that could make it shorter. :)
Smoke? Lack of Exercise? Working Night Shift? Fast Food? Pollution?
Don't take my word for it...
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ~Zachary Scott

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln

Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do not outlive yourself. ~George Bernard Shaw

Not to hijack the thread or anything.........

I love your enthusiasm for life, Stanley. I feel that people are too afraid of things to really enjoy life. I went overseas to Thailand a few years back and roamed the streets all night long looking for stuff to do. People said "Aren't you scared? I wouldn't even leave the hotel." I said "First of all I'm a whole head taller than everyone here and I outweigh them by 50 pounds. What are they going to do to me? Second, if I'm not going to leave the hotel, why bother going on a trip?"

Now having said that I don't think being scared is fun. I don't enjoy roller coasters and I'm terrified of heights, so I know that bungee jumping and sky diving is not for me. But if that is what makes life better for you, I say go for it. Someone said earlier that life is short, why make it shorter. I can't imagine living a longer life that is dull and uninteresting. I'd rather live a shorter life filled with things that give my life meaning and make me feel fully alive, than a long life where I feel stagnant and bored. That would be torture.

Anyway, back to our regular topic.

grace90, LPN, LVN · Jul 30, 2008

I have two X chromosomes, and totally cringe when I think about some of the things I did in my youth.

Me, too! :eek: :cool: :devil:

EMTandNurse2B · Jul 31, 2008

This one is more of a request to future patients....
PLEASE don't come to the emergency department because you have vag bleeding and cramping when its "only been 28 days since my last period" "It's too early for another one" You think you could figure it out by your early thirties lol

So very, very true; and unfortunately very common :yeah:

jlmb214rn, BSN, RN · Aug 17, 2008

I have never laughed so hard in my life!!! Some of these people....

I'll share a few good lessons that my patients have taught me.

Never, never, never masterbate with a raw hot dog. It will most certainly break if you try to "pinch" it to take it back out.

Don't ever have sex on the floor if you have a pest control problem. Mice love the cozy warmth of a lady parts and may just "run up in there" if you aren't careful!!!

If you are going to let someone put an object in your rectum, make sure it has a string or handle so that you can remove it when you are finished. And by all means, never let your drunk mistress try to remove said stuck object from your rectum with a pair of needlenose pliers. Those things pinch and tear out pieces of your rectum. And finally don't drive yourself to the ER, and expect a "quick-fix" so you can get home to "clean up the toys and blood" before your wife and 15 year old daughter get back from vacation.

Always remember ladies, there is puppy formula at any veteranarians office in a case where your pet doberman cannot nurse her own puppies. Your 3 month old will not appreciate that she shared your breast with 5 puppies. And not to mention, puppies have sharp little teeth that may end up causing you a terrible case of mastitis that will forever alter the appearance of your goods.

Also, never eat a whole bag of sunflower seeds (husks and all) in one sitting. You may end up with a softball-sized mass of husks and feces lodged at your orifice.

Be careful before you sit down in a chair naked. You never know when there will be a wooden McIntosh apple in the EXACT area that your orifice will land.

Never have someone defacate on your chest if you have a fresh incision there. It may get dirty.

If you have just undergone a bowel resection, please understand that you are on a clear liquid diet for a reason. Do not expect to feel good on post op day #2 if you decided to have Domino's pizza for dinner.

Never poke holes in your PCA tubing so your friends can share in the wealth. And if you do, advise your friends that taking iv morphine orally will most certainly lead to "a funny feeling in my mouth" and not to think they are having a stroke and go to ER.

I'm very fortunate that these people were around so I could learn from thier mistakes.... where would I be without them????

Jagten · Aug 17, 2008

here are some ob things I have learned:
Never assume you are sterile just because you didn't get pregnant with your last 3 lovers.
Never take your goldfish out of the bowl and play with it on your tummy because it my "accidently" swim up your lady parts.
Never assume that cute little fish tattoo on your abdomen will stay cute when stretched by 9 months of pregnancy.
Never stay with a man you can't get to leave the bar long enough to come to your baby's delivery, even if he makes frequent calls saying he will be there in just a minute.
Never bring your husband and your current boyfriend to the same delivery.

OMG that is so funny I needed a good laugh :chuckle

Becca608 · Aug 17, 2008

Please don't bring your tiny chihauhau into the hospital in its pink fashion carrier, take the dog out of the carrier and set it on your hospitalized loved one's bed so it can lick at the unconcious person's open wounds.

And please don't be offended when I pick doggie up hand him to you and request that you leave NOW!