Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Nurses Humor

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in TraumaER ,NICUx2days, HEMEONC CathLab IV.

always ask the person their name and always look at the name bracelet. Some people think it is funny if you call out a name and will say "what?" or yes to any name you call out. just something patients have taught me. Never assume.

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Specializes in Corrections, neurology, dialysis.
Had a "friend" working on the floor, maybe?

Did anyone catch him in the utility room?

I did clinicals on a unit where the staff was so tired of constantly fetching things for patients that someone gave out the code to the nutrition room. It just so happened that this code was the code to everything else, including the supply room and the med room. Very bad idea.

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Specializes in hospice.
I did clinicals on a unit where the staff was so tired of constantly fetching things for patients that someone gave out the code to the nutrition room. It just so happened that this code was the code to everything else, including the supply room and the med room. Very bad idea.

:nono: :uhoh3: :eek::selfbonk:

Oh. My. God.

Did they figure out who did that? And what happened to them?

I'm always so paranoid when I punch in code numbers; I protect them like I'd protect my ATM codes.

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Specializes in PCT - ER, Ortho, Neuro, Med-Surg.

Never cut 18 inches off of a swimming pool "noodle" (anyone with kids under 10 will recognize this latest aquatic toy), wittle the end to a sharp point, attach a string and a ring at one end, and then insert it in your rectum.

Especially not if your um....purpose....for doing so requires you to push the noodle to an internal depth at which the artificially pointy end threatens to puncture a lung.

Because the aforementioned action will preclude your best-laid plan of pulling the noodle out with the string-ring combo post um....purpose...and will result in an ER visit that I assure you is no more comfortable for the staff than it is for you.

:uhoh21:

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Specializes in PCT - ER, Ortho, Neuro, Med-Surg.
Oh, I'm reluctant to share this one, but...

Never prostitute yourself out to homeless folks, and definitely don't let them stick their member in your colostomy.

No matter how I try to forget that one... :barf02:

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

:eek:

Damn. I have worked so hard for so long to convince myself that our regular patient, "Miss ------" was the only sad and tortured soul on earth who did this.

Until now.

Thanks for bursting my last remaining bubble of blessed naivete.

:cry:

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:nono: :uhoh3: :eek::selfbonk:

Oh. My. God.

Did they figure out who did that? And what happened to them?

I'm always so paranoid when I punch in code numbers; I protect them like I'd protect my ATM codes.

I once did relief work at a pharmacy in a nearby city, and I had a few questions for them so I called them a couple days before. I asked where they kept the code for the alarm, and not only did they not have one, they gave me the combination to their lock over the phone, without even meeting me! Good heavens, I could have been anyone!

And this was a Target pharmacy!

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Specializes in med/surg.
-use a vibrator 30 times in one day...

hey, what's wrong with having a hobbie?

redshiloh you just crack me up lol.:bugeyes:

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Specializes in med/surg.

workingforskies...I have to ask, are nurses usually irritated when a patient is on medicaid or only if they are insultive to the nurse/staff?

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
workingforskies...I have to ask, are nurses usually irritated when a patient is on medicaid or only if they are insultive to the nurse/staff?

Only when they spit out something along the lines of "I pay your salary!" :confused:

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workingforskies...I have to ask, are nurses usually irritated when a patient is on medicaid or only if they are insultive to the nurse/staff?

If a practitioner of any type is irritated by a patient being on Medicaid, they have no business being in health care. Did you know that most Medicaid dollars are spent on the elderly in nursing homes, and younger people who reside in group homes and other care facilities? My grandmother was on it for the last few years of her life, because she was eligible.

I have been censured for being nice to Medicaid patients:madface: but as long as I had to deal with them face to face, I did my best to treat all my customers the same. I often went out of my way to treat the parents of young children well, because it was really obvious that many of them had not experienced a lot of kindness in their lives.

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Specializes in med/surg.
if a practitioner of any type is irritated by a patient being on medicaid, they have no business being in health care. did you know that most medicaid dollars are spent on the elderly in nursing homes, and younger people who reside in group homes and other care facilities? my grandmother was on it for the last few years of her life, because she was eligible.

i have been censured for being nice to medicaid patients:madface: but as long as i had to deal with them face to face, i did my best to treat all my customers the same. i often went out of my way to treat the parents of young children well, because it was really obvious that many of them had not experienced a lot of kindness in their lives.

thanks for the response, my 9 yr old son is autistic and even though i am working and in nursing school i am a single mother so he gets ssi medicaid and i often wonder how other healthcare workers think of people on medical assistance.

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thanks for the response, my 9 yr old son is autistic and even though i am working and in nursing school i am a single mother so he gets ssi medicaid and i often wonder how other healthcare workers think of people on medical assistance.

very few health care workers would have any kind of issue with a person who has a disability receiving medicaid. if they did, they shouldn't be in health care.

i've had married customers where both spouses were working who were eligible, along with their children, because the parents both had low-paying jobs. no problem with something like that unless they're working those jobs so they can get all kinds of aid, or are trying to get out of paying child support to a former spouse, or something like that, and it's not my decision to judge them because i don't know their whole stories. and lots of people are temporarily eligible because of a job loss or serious illness.

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