Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Nurses Humor

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

If you're shooting at a rattlesnake with your pistol and have to jump back when it strikes, take your finger off the trigger.

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Specializes in hospice.
Please don't bring your tiny chihauhau into the hospital in its pink fashion carrier, take the dog out of the carrier and set it on your hospitalized loved one's bed so it can lick at the unconcious person's open wounds.

And please don't be offended when I pick doggie up hand him to you and request that you leave NOW!

And I bet that if said pt developed an infection, then that animal lover would blame YOU for the infection somehow...:no:

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Specializes in Staff nurse.
Please don't bring your tiny chihauhau into the hospital in its pink fashion carrier, take the dog out of the carrier and set it on your hospitalized loved one's bed so it can lick at the unconcious person's open wounds.

And please don't be offended when I pick doggie up hand him to you and request that you leave NOW!

I sure hope you documented what doggie did...and what you followed up with.

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Specializes in CNA - nursing home setting.

Oh my I just got done reading the entire thing, and this was an awesome post! I am not a nurse yet but will be starting my generals tomorrow and then nursing classes in fall 09, and I am sure all of these things will be very helpful to me when I do start working! Thanks for such a funny and great post and keep em coming!

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P RN

Yep the rattler one got me..to add to the story..

After the baby rattler has bitten your friend and he throws it to you, DON'T Try to catch it!

And to EMS:

NEVER bring the baby rattler into the ER in a coffee can alive and open the top allowing the snake to jump out and slither down the hall..while nurses are screaming all over the place...

And of course on the 4th of July...

Never play "catch" with an M80 or use your lips to "hold " the M80 while you are lighting it...UGH, what a mess..:o **

** Work a couple of 4th of Julys in the ER and you too will be in favor of banning fireworks..it is amazing WHERE people will put them**

Again...WOW!! I have learned some valuable lessons..of course most of these things I would have never even considered anyone would do!!! Reality check, I guess!!

Erin

you think that most people have enough sense not to do stupid things with fireworks but i learned otherwise 2 years ago from my ex. he ended up being a pt because we were drinking with some friends when he broke out the fireworks and ended up with 2nd degree burns on his hands in the ER the next morning. after telling me, "Oh i'll be fine. That won't swell."

his blisters were over an inch tall!:no:

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Specializes in CVICU, Burns, Trauma, BMT, Infection control.

Sigh....

Never check to see if that odor that you're smelling in your house is propane by flicking your lighter on >>>BOOM!

Related- don't check to see if your propane tank is empty by flicking your bic>>>BOOM! it's NOT.

Don't put gasoline on your campfire to "get it going" again. The only thing going will be YOU to the burn unit.

Don't walk under a roof being tarred,if the tar bucket dumps on your head it will mold your hair to your scalp so closely it will look like you're wearing a batting helmet.

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Specializes in CCRN, ICU, ER, MS, WCC, PICC RN.

Never masturbate with rapid A Fib and while on telemetry...

Never claim "I was walking my dog in the woods, when I slipped on a log and this branch went up my a**," then tell me you are on coumadin and have no correlating scratches or bruises anywhere else but a SIGNIFICANT rectal bleed.

I actually asked him, "Were you wearing pants?"

"Yes!" He said puzzled.

"Those pants?" And I pointed to his Levi's with no hole in the bottom.

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Specializes in NICU.
Never masturbate with rapid A Fib and while on telemetry...

Funny thing, you know that burping a baby looks just like a wide-complex Vtach on a 3-lead monitor? I've never seen a cardiologist run that fast or look so flabbergasted when he got to the room and the nurse looks up all "...what?"

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Specializes in hospice.
you think that most people have enough sense not to do stupid things with fireworks but i learned otherwise 2 years ago from my ex. he ended up being a pt because we were drinking with some friends when he broke out the fireworks and ended up with 2nd degree burns on his hands in the ER the next morning. after telling me, "Oh i'll be fine. That won't swell."

his blisters were over an inch tall!:no:

I bet you're glad he's an ex!!! :chuckle

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As a tech I've learned to never inject myself w/baby or mineral oil in order to have soft supple skin. :nono:

ETA: This landed our pt a month long stay on our unit.

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Specializes in ICU, telemetry, LTAC.

Did I already post "do not drink rubbing alcohol?" Add to that, when the local transplant hospital calls you to come in and get your new liver, don't go all the way from georgia to kentucky instead and go on some big ole drinking binge for no good reason. A week later you wind up in a teen-niney little hospital's ICU as the star patient with a very high ammonia level, no clue who/what/where you are, LOTS of lactulose, pooping raw acid like a hose, and with a butt the consistency of raw hamburger meat.

Fun. We tried to convince housekeeping to burn the mattress.

Do not take a whole bottle of Hydroxycut just to make your boyfriend pay more attention to you. It does nothing. (It does make each nurse receiving report say "WTH?!") The bottle of tylenol you took with it, however, does something.

If you are a halfway normal adult with something resembling normal, average intelligence and happen to be in a position to take care of an adult who is even a little mentally retarded, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE SURE THEY HAVE GOOD HYGIENE. You should also know that they are allowed to have emotions from time to time, and provide them ways to express themselves instead of dumping them on the ER as "dangerous" when they probably need a safe place to yell occasionally. Oh, and don't leave all your RX pills lying around for them to take. And don't look at us funny when the infection control nurse tells you that you now have to treat your family and your house for lice.

Oh! If you don't know whether or not the babysitter gave your kid (under ten years old, I believe) his .... it was either ambien or some benzo, I forget now, do not give another one! Grrrrrrrrrrrr..................

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
As a tech I've learned to never inject myself w/baby or mineral oil in order to have soft supple skin. :nono:

ETA: This landed our pt a month long stay on our unit.

Bet that ensuing cellulitis wasn't so soft and supple, eh? :eek:

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