Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Magsulfate, BSN, RN · Jun 23, 2007

Never leave your 3 and 4 year old daughters in a parked, running car, on an incline while you go in to the store. They might put it into gear, jump out, and get run over... resulting in a very very bad outcome.

CRNI-ICU20 · Jun 23, 2007

never get drunk and play William Tell ( put an apple on your head, stand in front of the barn door and let your drunk brother shoot the apple off your head with his brand new cross bow with steel tipped arrows.)

never build a pipe bomb in the middle of your living room with a lit cigarette sticking out of your mouth.

never use the veins of your member to shoot meth.....(this one always gives me a whole body shiver!)

if you decide to committ suicide, try to put your WHOLE head in front of the shot gun....not just your nose.

when trying to look cool to all your homies, do not put a loaded automatic weapon down inside your pants.....or they might just call you "stubby" from now on.

never tattoo the name of a one night stand on your body.....or an ex-husband....or someone named HITLER.

try not to wash baby bottles out in the windshield wiper solution where the squeeges rest at the gas station.

do not raise children and wolf pups in the same litter

just a few things I have "picked up" from the immortal wisdom of my former and sometimes dead patients. crni

grace90, LPN, LVN · Jun 25, 2007

ROFLMAO
somedood... you never know when he might show up.

This Somedood guy has been making a lot of commotion in my neck of the woods lately too, shooting and stabbing all these innocent people who are minding their own business while out at night at 2 or 3 in the morning. :uhoh3:

icuwant2rn · Jun 25, 2007

never get drunk and play William Tell ( put an apple on your head, stand in front of the barn door and let your drunk brother shoot the apple off your head with his brand new cross bow with steel tipped arrows.)
never build a pipe bomb in the middle of your living room with a lit cigarette sticking out of your mouth.
never use the veins of your member to shoot meth.....(this one always gives me a whole body shiver!)
if you decide to committ suicide, try to put your WHOLE head in front of the shot gun....not just your nose.
when trying to look cool to all your homies, do not put a loaded automatic weapon down inside your pants.....or they might just call you "stubby" from now on.
never tattoo the name of a one night stand on your body.....or an ex-husband....or someone named HITLER.
try not to wash baby bottles out in the windshield wiper solution where the squeeges rest at the gas station.
do not raise children and wolf pups in the same litter
just a few things I have "picked up" from the immortal wisdom of my former and sometimes dead patients. crni

LMAO :lol2: :lol2:

EmmaG, RN · Jun 25, 2007

Never attempt do-it-yourself bovine artificial insemination.

Some things are better left to the professionals...

Bugaloo · Jun 30, 2007

DO NOT step on a rusty nail, then go wading in a rancid creek and wonder why you end up with a REALLY nasty wound on the bottom of your foot.

Also, do not shoot Heroin into a vein in your member, end up with staph in said appendage and then wonder how you are going to tell your wife, your girlfriend and the chick you are cheating on both of those women with:icon_roll

Christie RN2006 · Jul 1, 2007

Never stab yourself 8 times in the chest/abdomen with a meat fork and then expect the nurses to be dumb enough to believe you "accidentally fell on it" oh and then don't complain about how bad it hurts because to be honest, I don't care

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jul 2, 2007

Never ever drink turpentine from a whiskey bottle without checking what's in it first. If you do, you will do the dance of your life, and every time you burp for the next 6 months, you will taste that nasty turpentine.

:imbarI did that when I was a kid.:imbar

HeatherB,CST · Jul 11, 2007

Ok, I'm still in school and don't have any good patient stories yet. I can, however, share a few from my previous life as a hairstylist. Working with people is working with people!

-Never use a Clorox bleach pen to highlight your hair. If you do, at least don't go to the beach, let the bleach marinate in the sun, and then rinse it out in the seawater. Your hair just might become the texture of overcooked ramen. If you got to a salon to have it "fixed", don't get irate and insult your colorist when she tells you there's not much that can be done besides a SHORT haircut. Hair is dead and it doesn't "heal".

-Don't dress your beautiful 3yo boy in a pink sweatsuit, pierce both his ears, and cornrow his shoulder-length hair. Okay, you can do that if you must, but you lose all rights to get mad at the woman in the grocery store line who tells you how cute your daughter is.

-Never scratch an itch on your scalp while there's haircolor on it, then rub your eye without washing your hand first. Ammonia and hydrogen peroxide can cause serious chemical burns.

-Never keep eyedrops AND superglue in your purse. If you do, please try to make sure you don't confuse them.

-Don't ask your hairstylist what you can do to make your hair grow slower so you don't have to come in for highlights as often. If you do, don't call her a smart a** b**** when she says the only way she can think of to accomplish that would be to get very,very sick. She's just being honest.

-Don't bring in a swatch of your irish setter's hair for your colorist to match. Yes, it's a gorgeous shade of copper, but do you really want to match your dog?? A pic of Debra Messing would have yielded the same result, and you wouldn't seem nearly as wacko.

-No, I can't take care of your 5 childrens' head lice in the salon. the state Board of Health has very strict rules about that. Expecially don't ask me after you kept your children in the same daycare as mine and didn't pull them out when you knew the first one was infected, causing a massive outbreak that affected 75% of the kids in daycare, including mine.

-When your 4yo daughter asks you why you arer trimming your bangs, do not tell her it's because Mommy likes to look pretty. She might want to feel pretty too, and decide to take matters into her own hands. This could result in your blonde curly haired angel to require a haircut that makes her look like Val Kilmer.

Keep 'em coming, this is a great thread!

HeatherB,CST · Jul 11, 2007

Oh, I forgot a few! If you have a prosthetic leg, don't jokingly ask if you can get your pedicures for half price. It makes the manicurist turn fourteen shades of red while she tries to come up with an appropriate response. (Same client tries to purchase shoes for half price, and hides her pot stash in the hollow calf part of said prosthetic. Also brags about how cool it is that she can take her leg off for an easier back seat "rendezvous". Very inappropriate woman. Amusing, but inappropriate.)

If you are going to be in the salon for 3-4 hours having your beauty day, don't bring your 3 junior high aged ADHD/autistic boys with you. Especially when the only thing they brought with them to pass the time is a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper. If you do, don't let them play with the hot irons, sharp implements and bowls of chemicals sitting around, and definitely don't get snippy when the staff has to interrupt your facial to tell you that the boys are daring each other to eat the fish out of the tank in the lobby. Lastly, do not scream at them on the way out the door for ruining YOUR beauty day. I really wanted to belt her.

mediatix8 · Jul 11, 2007

do not ask your night nurse where her husband is tonight and suggest that he is sleeping with another woman.

Diary/Dairy, RN · Jul 15, 2007

Do not keep your lube and your superglue in the same drawer of your nightstand.....

Oh God, I bet that was unpleasant!!