Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

kmblue39 · May 27, 2007

LOL, these are all just too funny! BTW, don't go running around in the baked potato patch at night You might trip and fall on a baked potato and have to have it surgically removed.

TazziRN, RN · May 28, 2007

Do not see several doctors and get prescriptions for Ambien from each, then go park your car someplace and take all of them, wake up in an ER, and tell the staff, "How did I wake up? I did all this research on Ambien!" And then, don't make it worse by asking the ER doc, "Can you tell me what kind of sleeping pill will kill me?"

If you get yourself drunk and decide to drive and roll your car, do not look up at your nurse in the ER and say "How come I never get the cute ones?" Your nurse will say, "Let me see what I can do," and go ask her older, overweight, balding, and bearded coworker to help her out......which he will do, gladly, when he finds out what you said.

Super RT · May 28, 2007

Don't smoke 4 packs of cigs a day for 35 years and then get mad at us when the doc suggests that lump on you chest xray is probably cancer. Do not then threaten to sue us because we can't fix it. Don't then have your wife yell at us that you just need a cig and you'll be fine, especially when you are on 100% O2 with sats in the 70's. If you then decide to take off the O2 cause you feel fine, don't expect to be standing long when you take that hike down the hall at full speed. You will get a tube in your airway!

If you decide to shoot up crack, and you happen to be eating canteloupe, don't accidently mix the crack and the juice from the fruit together before you shoot up. You will get a big rash, chest pain, and might loose the arm!

arual56 · May 28, 2007

Never masturbate with a wood dowling rod.
Never throw a baby rattle snake in the front of the pickup to take home with you.
Never drink Pinesol
Never soak towels in bleach then lay them on your legs for hours
Never put bee bees in your member (I don't have one so not a problem there) to be a sexual dynamo all night
Never let a prostitute shoot you and your wife up with Heroin
Never try to get away from a police dog..they are quicker and from what I have seen, have sharp teeth.
Never let your child teeth on balloons
Dont ever get loaded and go to bed in the same bed with your other loaded friends and your 2 month old baby.
Never get into a road rage incident and go head to head with someone who has a 357 magnum in their hand.
Never leave your 3 yr old daughter with a convicted child molestor that you fell in love with while he was in prision, who you are now supporting
Wow I have learned a lot!! Erin
PS more than I ever really wanted to know..
:o :o

Wonderful advice. May I add, never place you 4 month old in the car seat without strapping them in, then pick up the car seat by the top of the back only. And if you do, Never set the car seat down gently, then snatch the baby up off the floor, not supporting the baby's head and neck.

Jamesdotter · May 28, 2007

Don't procrastinate about getting prenatal care until you go into labor, call your social worker (who then arranged for her own OB to see you--small town), drive 15 miles in the other direction to take your 2-yr-old to the baby-sitter, arrive at the hospital nearly two hours after we were told you were coming; arrive at 8 cm dilated and then casually remark that you'd had to have a c/section with your first. Contracted pelvis--the doc said the uterus separated in front of the incision. It also happened to be the day the doc saw most of his OBs, so he had an office full of pregnant ladies.

icuwant2rn · May 29, 2007

Don't get mad when the doc asks you if you would like him to "change the batteries while he's in there" in the 9 inch toy that needs to be surgically removed from your orifice

arual56 · May 29, 2007

Don't get mad when the doc asks you if you would like him to "change the batteries while he's in there" in the 9 inch toy that needs to be surgically removed from your orifice

Thank you! I despirately needed that visual image and the corresponding giggle that goes with it.

banditrn · May 30, 2007

If you get yourself drunk and decide to drive and roll your car, do not look up at your nurse in the ER and say "How come I never get the cute ones?" Your nurse will say, "Let me see what I can do," and go ask her older, overweight, balding, and bearded coworker to help her out......which he will do, gladly, when he finds out what you said.

ROFLMOBO!!:rotfl: :rotfl: Oh, how I wish I coulda been there for that one!!

TDub, MSN, EdD · May 31, 2007

Don't decide your yellowing, diabetic feet need a cosmetic touch up and soak them in Clorox.

boriquarn · Jun 13, 2007

Don't put anything in your rectum...

Being an OR nurse I have been called in (always in the middle of the night)

because a guy put a hairspray can up his rear end...

A couple of years ago (also in the wee hours of the night) a young man had a nurf football in his bum....

Oh, and the best was a broom handle--- the patient said he fell on it.....

Just don't go there, that area is an exit only....

grace90, LPN, LVN · Jun 14, 2007

:monkeydance: Just because you watched Alton Brown (Good Eats) on the Food Channel remove the pit from an avodaco by ramming the blade of a knife into it and pulling it out doesn't mean your everyday Jane can do it :idea: (should I say, your everyday Grace?). Guilty... :trout:

The 1/2 inch cut on my finger finally stopped bleeding and is healing nicely now, and the avocado was yummy. :lol2:

lvnhopeful · Jun 14, 2007

Okay, just got through reading the whole thread in one sitting. Read the posts to my husband until he went to sleep.

This is the most fun I've had in a long time, keep-em comin! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: