Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

TDub, MSN, EdD · May 8, 2007

Oh please, please, don't tell me.....

Actually, I do want to do--what did they superglue shut?

rngreenhorn · May 9, 2007

Or superglue together? penovaginopagus twins?

rngreenhorn · May 9, 2007

Oh... wait a minute, I can't believe I didn't think of this first... penodigital fusion... how did the docs treat that one?

Kiringat · May 9, 2007

He was flying solo. He had tried to pull himself apart before coming in and lost some skin. I think they finally ended up using nail polish remover or some such thing. Plus some reconstructive surgery. Boy, was that an interesting clinical write up...

twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN · May 9, 2007

When asked by a patient that isn't yours, don't assume they are sane and give them the sissors and/or sharp knife they are asking for.

This past weekend, I answered a call light to a room that thankfully I knew was confused. He asked for a sharp knife or sissors and just curious I asked why. So he flipped out his wee willie (cathetorised) as I start thinking oh no. Then he said that "one time I pulled a prank on someone and stuck a stick into my &*ck and it broke off, I just need something to cut it out with". I could only say "Oh my God!" Well, he was left wanting that night.

merrick · May 11, 2007

Do NOT store your cigarettes/crack pipes/lighter/whatever in your lady parts.

But it's such a convenient pouch! :lol2:

Agnus · May 11, 2007

Never bring your husband and your current boyfriend to the same delivery.

Why ever not?

susannyc · May 11, 2007

If you fall in your NYC apartment in a Senior Citizen complex and can't get up, but can reach your phone, DO call the doorman or your daughter and ask for help. DO NOT remain on the floor for 24 hours because you have alienated every home health aide your daughter has hired.

DO NOT tell the nurse when she calls "Just help me up whenever you can get here, I can manage OK." The nurse will run out of the restaurant where she is trying to eat lunch, run up the street with her 20 lb backpack and tell your doorman to let her into your apartment NOW.

When you see the RN coming through your unlocked apartment door, DO NOT say "Don't call my daughter, she's busy today." The RN will not only call your daughter, she will call EMS, despite your insistence that "They won't come, they don't like me, I don't want to go to the hospital."

When EMS does arrive, DO NOT assume that they will side with you. The RN will override anything EMS says about leaving you in your home. The RN is not above saying to EMS "Call your dispatcher and see what he says about arguing with an RN." You will end up in the ambulance on your way to the nearest hospital.

Your daughter will call the RN to say thank you, as will your MD. The RN will call her supervisor and tell her that you are no longer suitable for home care. The supervisor will agree and so will your daughter and MD.

Nursechick07 · May 12, 2007

:smilecoffeecup: WOW

Ok, if you are a diabetic, please DO NOT take your freshly tattoed foot (that was not healing properly in the first place) outside, uncovered, BARE-footed to your horse stable!:trout: Unless of course you want to become septic:idea:

UMMM Ok, whatever you do, try not to confuse your NITRO pills and your headache pills-after you pop 1 nitro tab and your H/A gets WORSE, do not think taking another tab will make it better. When he made to ER, he said his head was at a 10/10 and was dizzy as all get-out. :uhoh3: Ya dont say!:smackingf

Nursechick07 · May 12, 2007

:smiletea2: :nono: I have some more "goodies"

If your girlfriend dumps boiling hot water over your head while trying to climb through the window after locking you out for cheating on her, resist the urge to reconcile. BUT if you do anyway, don't get caught cheating AGAIN, only to have the EXACT same scenario play out! true story

If you are ever pulled over by the police, don't think you can just peel away in your car while officer's hand/arm is in your vehicle dragging the officer along-he/she just might feel the need to shoot you in the neck, rendering you paralyzed.

PeachPie · May 19, 2007

If you cheat on your boyfriend, get pregnant from the fling, but want to anchor the boyfriend as a babydaddy, make sure that your boyfriend doesn't have a congenital condition that makes him have no vas deferans and zero sperm count. He will immediately know what happened.

RNandlovingit · May 27, 2007

If your cracked out on Meth and have Graves Disease and are non compliant with your thyroid meds, dont go walking your two very hyper pit bulls at the same time, only to fall down a set of porch steps break your hip and be put in bucks traction because you cant have surgery til the doctor gets your big ole goiter on your neck under control first. and then dont get mad at the docs because your lying in agony for days!!!(and she is only 33)