Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Updated:   Published

what-are-things-patients-taught-you-not-to-do.jpg.119a9865abb94645f43c13239f934ba4.jpg

Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in ICU, Med/Surg, Ortho.

Not to underestimate how strong a confused and agitated a frail 90y/o woman can be.

Not to give little kids at vacation bible school a ride on your new motorcycle. And ride without your helmet because you gave it to the kid. The girl's parents will not appreciate arranging a funeral and brains leaking out your ears is not a good look for you.

It's amazing the contortions a little old man can do when trying to get out of wrist restraints.

Belting your husband's nurse in the face in front of the hospital police who have been called up to deal with your belligerence earns you a trip to jail.

Crushing percocet and mixing it with water to inject it causes bad cellulitis.

Every man - no mater his age, personality, or looks thinks he a gift from God when he is under the influence (of drugs, ETOH, or pain meds).

The first thing a man does when waking from anesthesia is check that his "personal equipment" is intact.

Riding your ATV thru the woods while drunk will result in a stay in the ortho/neuro unit.

The more likely someone needs to receive a Darwin Award, the more likely they have already procreated a large number of times.

Only after mama's been in DTs for two days will the children who swore on admission that she never drank admit mama has a hot toddy every night before bedtime.

Smoking pot laced with rattle snake venom will kill you after a few month stay in ICU on the ventilator.

The pt admitted in DKA with a blood glucose of over 700 will swear he's following his diet and medication regimen.

The family of a lifelong diabetic will never understand how mom can die so quickly when she comes in with septic shock from an infection she's been ignoring for days.

It doesn't matter that you explain how poor the odds are of a successful outcome from CPR, or that the pt had a living will forbidding extraordinary measures, or that you explain the possible adverse problems (burns from defib, broken ribs, ...). Or even that mom had asked to be allowed to go home to die before she became unconscious. There is always a family member who insists that everything be done.

Family will bring in a pt that looks like he's been dead for two days and then blame the medical staff for not "saving" him.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in acute care.

lol, goodness, these are funny

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Along the same idea as the tattoos -- Boob jobs once you are over 65 or so are not pretty!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Loved everything posted so far! Here's some of mine from the OR:

Car surfing is a bad thing. Its especially bad when done at 2 am on an extremely icy, slippery highway after more than a case of beer. It's really, really bad when the weather is too bad for the chopper to land and the ambulance has to be sent out to pick your now brain dead self up.

Kegel exercises are very, very important. This fact was driven home one day when I took care of a patient with her uterus coming out of her lady parts.

Please don't tell me that mom is "getting better" after I have to help put in a trach for the third overdose in three years.

When I explain to you that you need to say "see you later" to your child at the waiting room before I take him to surgery, don't act as though I'm kidnapping them-I'm pretty sure you signed off on the consent for tubes and tonsils.

When your toddler comes in with funky skin patches, bruising and an nasty sore on thier butt, don't tell me that the rash is that "exy skin thing," I've seen ringworm and flea bites before, and that abscess festered for a while.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds Cardiology,Peds Neuro,Pedi ER,PICU, IV Jedi.

Sleep with my sister/cousin....I don't want a baby with 14 fingers, no legs and a craniopagus twin.;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psychiatric.
Sleep with my sister/cousin....I don't want a baby with 14 fingers, no legs and a craniopagus twin.;)

:uhoh21: Ewwwww!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.
Sleep with my sister/cousin....I don't want a baby with 14 fingers, no legs and a craniopagus twin.;)

gotta ask, what's craniopagus?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
a degree is not the same thing as an education.
schildhalter.gif
love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i say that to the doctors all the time..... and i'm portuguese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Up Vote Up Vote ×
a degree is not the same thing as an education.
schildhalter.gif
love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i say that to the doctors all the time..... and i'm portuguese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

Craniopagus is conjoined twins connected @ the head.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Ok, I've finally finished every last post! these are awesome and I'm terribly saddened to see that this thread really does end :( LOL

The only thing I can add has been said here many times...the shower is a dangerous place...very VERY dangerous. It is amazing how that bottle of whatever is kept in the shower manages to slip right up dark places soooooo frequently. How did the bottle of perfume make it into the shower? never mind. At least a perfume bottle doesn't have splinters!.

Refusing to sign the consent for momma's foot amputation is NOT going to save the black, cold, lifeless foot.

pretty tame compared to many of the lively entries :D

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Acute Care.

Do not keep your lube and your superglue in the same drawer of your nightstand.....

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion