The Stress of School Ruined my Relationship!

[carriesm8]

I have been in nursing since 1992, and last year moved from an LPN to an RN. My true love and i got together just before i started the 1 year program and we were great! We had known each other for 15 years prior. Also, she lived in another state during this time.

The stress of nursing school (as well as being broke since i couldnt work as much) was so heavy on me, that i was not the easiest person to get along with. I was certainly not myself at all and after i graduated, she decided we should break up. I wanted her to understand that i wasnt myself because the pressure was like walking around with an anvil around my neck for an entire year. There were 3 divorces in my class as well during that year. If my fellow nurses could describe just how much pressure we are under, maybe she could forgive me and give me another chance. I have taken care of people for 16 years and i am devastated to have lost my true love in the process.

Thanks.

[showbizrn]

Sorry for your break-up.

Your girlfriend may have a change-of-heart

and come back to you.

My ex-husband and I

were girlfriend and boyfriend

when I was in nursing school

He took a "break" from our relationship

Said I didn't have my priorities together.

Oh well,

We did get back together

and got married 2-years

after graduation.

But like the previous posters

said

Nothing is really guaranteed

and sometimes

Change is for the best.

:nuke: MANY BLESSINGS TO YOU!

[leslie :-D]

I used to believe that you never really know a person until you see them in an extreme. People from day to day may seem like good individuals but if you put them in a circumstance like say, a burning plane, one may step on children to get out while another wants to help others out first. That is who they really are, and that may not be visible in day to day living.

But nursing school is a more chronic extreme that takes a toll over a period of time. I witnessed many of my classmates breaking under stress and i dont think they "chose" to be that way nor do i think it "speaks volumes" of who they are. I hope you dont hold your patients to such a standard for how they handle stress because when you are sick or in pain, you will not be yourself, and should be forgiven for any undesirable behaviors exhibited during that time. I am not comparing myself to a sick patient, but rather demonstrating that how we handle stress doesnt always "speak volumes" about who we are. Thanks for the input, but id rather not give up on my love just yet.

whether it is acute stress, such as the burning plane you mentioned, or chronic stress, such as nsg school, both can/will reveal our inner character.

while there are indeed circumstances that bring out the worst in us, that shouldn't allow us to treat our loved ones poorly.

we will always have stressors in and out of our lives.

how we handle it, reflects on variable attributes we either possess or don't.

i'm so sorry you are experiencing this loss.

whatever the outcome, please, take this as an opportunity to learn and grow.

if anything, we are more ourselves during stress than in any other given time.

who we are, what we're made of, tends to reveal itself.

wishing you only the best.

leslie

[bagladyrn, RN]

Thank you WitchyRN, i hope i can one day see it that way. Otherwise i will beat myself up for quite sometime for not being able to handle it all.

Just as nothing is all your ex's fault, neither is it all YOUR fault. Please do some reflecting and try to be as kind to yourself as you would to anyone else in this situation. Think of your best friend and give yourself the same supportive words you would give them.

If you and your former love do attempt to get back together realize that not only will she need assurances of your change, but that you also deserve assurance that she will not run again in the face of any difficulties. You deserve this and no relationship can be successful if one partner is constantly "walking on eggs" to avoid upsetting the other.:icon_hug:

[MzMouse]

I'm so sorry about your relationship. Nursing school was easily the most difficult time of my marriage.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. I have to agree with another post about being thankful that it ended though. If you think that ns is stressful and she left because you weren't yourself, what would happen if something really serious came up? My son was born hypoplastic left heart, my father passed away 12 days later (with both of us doing cpr on him), I was in an accident that left me a 5 toe amputee and we are still together. The stress of ns is sometimes nothing compared to what life will throw at you. I agree that ns is very stressful, but if she wasn't on board with you then, maybe she wouldn't be a good partner when other stressful events come up. I wish you the best and if it was meant to be, it will be.

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

I may be reading too much in between the lines but I sense that perhaps your treatment of her was a tad abusive? If so, she may need time to be apart to heal from what was said and/or done. If I am off base, my apologies.

But if I am correct, perhaps you may want to write her a letter and explain the difficulties you faced in a way that does not attack her, but rather puts the blame squarely on your own shoulders. She may need to hear how sorry you are for your behavior and she may still need time to heal.

Again, if I am off base, I am sorry. She may just need a breather and if so, a letter of apology will go a long way.

[carriesm8]

I sense that perhaps your treatment of her was a tad abusive?

I realize i wasnt entirely clear in my initial post. I only wanted to gather the stories of others so she would see that i am not alone in allowing (nursing school) stress to strain my relationships.

We did argue but i think it was a pretty equal exchange and was mostly on the phone. You see she lived in another state which further complicated our situation. Equal though it may have been, i dont think i would have argued as much without the stress i was under. We had 15 years of great friendship and what we became resembled nothing of that time. The last time she was here (my graduation), she said she was going to start coming to my state 1 week per month and left a lot of clothes and such here. Then, after she returned home, she decided that we should just call it quits. I think the surprise of it all is what hurts the most. We had made it through the rough patch and it was about to be smooth sailing. Im sure the distance played as much a role as the stress, but may not have been such a factor without it.

[carriesm8]

I sense that perhaps your treatment of her was a tad abusive?

I realize i wasnt entirely clear in my initial post. I only wanted to gather the stories of others so she would see that i am not alone in allowing (nursing school) stress to strain my relationships.

We did argue but i think it was a pretty equal exchange and was mostly on the phone. You see she lived in another state which further complicated our situation. Equal though it may have been, i dont think i would have argued as much without the stress i was under. We had 15 years of great friendship and what we became resembled nothing of that time. The last time she was here (my graduation), she said she was going to start coming to my state 1 week per month and left a lot of clothes and such here. Then, after she returned home, she decided that we should just call it quits. I think the surprise of it all is what hurts the most. We had made it through the rough patch and it was about to be smooth sailing. Im sure the distance played as much a role as the stress, but may not have been such a factor without it.

[all_dressed_in_white]

Surey being all work and no play is like all excercise and not eating. There has to be a ballance between give and take. And a run down, stressed out, miserable nurse who resents her job for limitting her lifes direction is a nightmare for all concerned.

I'm still young and stupid enough to believe in love as a nourishing lifeforce. And I guess I kinda empathise a little more because ive been mates with my partner for years before we finally got together.

I recon, if she means that much to you, and you truely believe that you are better together, then hold on for a little bit longer.. but dont just lye awake at night dreaming, talk to her! we are caring and proactive problem solvers at work, no reasonn why we shouldnt be capable of doing the same to help ourselves and the ppl we love.

but again.. maybe the wisdom of years will teach me otherwise too.

:)

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

Never mind. It's not worth it.

[zenman]

i am devastated to have lost my true love in the process.

Thanks.

Let me tell you a secret. There are at least fifty people still out there that could become your true love...

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

Let me tell you a secret. There are at least fifty people still out there that could become your true love...

Yep. At least fifty. Probably hundreds, considering there are over six billion people on the face of the Earth right now.