The Stress of School Ruined my Relationship!

Halinja, BSN, RN · May 18, 2008

I am so sorry. I remember how horrible the stress was during school. I am pretty sure I cried at least once a week. I started on to antidepressants, as did many classmates. The expectations put on nursing students are huge, much worse than any other degrees out there. The educational atmosphere is often hostile (I'm not sure why). I think the goal of some professors was to try and break you. But...

True love makes allowances. True love endures through hard times. It's unfortunate that you didn't have more time together before you went through nursing school so that it was more clear what your relationship would be like w/o stress.

Life throws you a lot of stress, off and on. Maybe you'd have made it through this stressor together and then hit a bigger one later on. I don't mean to be mean, believe me. But maybe its better to know it won't last now than later when there are children involved, and deep and bitter wounds.

Hang in there. Breathe in the now and enjoy it. Life can be good, and love will come again.

Jules A, MSN · May 18, 2008

I am so sorry about your breakup that always sucks.

I'll be very honest in that while nursing school is very stressful I do not believe it is something that a strong, healthy relationship can't weather. We only had 1 divorce out of aprox. 40 married people in my class. It was a very young marriage and she said it wasn't in good shape before she started school. I asked my DH and he said that it was hard for him to watch me get so stressed out around exams but school didn't have a huge impact on his view of the state of our marriage. FWIW I continued to work nearly full time so we didn't have the issue of being broke which I'm sure helped.

Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN · May 18, 2008

Sometimes change will change the relationship.

I'm certain that any stressful situation on either "partner" has an effect on the other. The only thing that I am certain of is that thing change. Coping mechanisms differ, tolerances differ and sometimes folks just can't deal.

I'm sorry that just when it should be "getting better" that it falls away. When someone shows you what they are about - you should believe them. I cannot change another. As bad as it is, it may be better that you now know. Life is tough. No guarantees. I believe that the healthiest relationships have times of 99:1 instead of 50:50 - that is just the way it is. It should never stay that way - but, should be able to support it if necessary.

I believe when both folks are in the right relationship both believe that they have gotten a "great deal" - this gives you a great place to build on. Likewise, if one harbors resentment, fear, insecurity or a feeling of "not enough" - well that gives you a place to start over from.

Take care of yourself to care for others. Self care is one of my priorities (hasn't always been and everything suffered because of it!)!

I have a great job. I am a nicer person now. There have been rough times. There will still be rough times. I think we are ready. Now, build on what you know and value and you will be ready when the time comes! There is a great deal out there for everyone!!!

Good Luck!

ShayRN · May 18, 2008

I hate to say it, but I don't think your true love was all that wonderful if it only took the stress of school to leave ya. Come on. My husband and I have been through everything in our 16 married years together. Stress of school? NOTHING compared to major lung surgery, being layed off for 10 months, deaths in the family, a miscarriage, our home being robbed....you name it! If you going to school is more than she can handle, you are better off without her. Go find someone who can handle life's REAL stresses in a postive mature manner. You will be far better off in the long run.

allnurses Guide · May 18, 2008

Really sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I think the poster that said changes will change a relationship hit the nail on the head.

There is not much anyone will be able to say that will really help, but hang on in there it does get better.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · May 18, 2008

How we handle stress speaks volumes about who we are. You made a choice about how you were going to let the stress of NS affect you. You were completely "yourself", and if your ex is a smart woman, she knows this.

When you're in NS, if you value your relationship, you still need to keep the relationship high on the priority list. This does not mean blowing off studying for that exam to go on a romantic weekend together or anything of the sort. You still have to keep your eyes on the prize and stay focused, or you will wash out.

What I mean is, you have to prioritize the relationship enough to understand how your responses to the pressure affect your partner. You still have to try and be the best person you can, despite the pressure.

This doesn't mean you can't be crabby every now and then because you're exhausted, mentally and physically, but if it is a constant, your partner is going to get tired of being treated poorly and will move on.

I'm sorry you had to learn this tough lesson. My suggestion is to let her go, and learn from your mistake in your future relationships.

Athenas83 · May 18, 2008

Take care of yourself to care for others. Self care is one of my priorities (hasn't always been and everything suffered because of it!)!
)

AMEN! I try my hardest to live by this statement. Nursing school sometimes throws me off, but I get right back up. Taking care of yourself will make you better at everything, nursing, better in relationships, etc. And less of a chance stress will break you!

GadgetRN71, ASN, RN · May 18, 2008

I agree with those that say that if all it took was school to ruin the relationship, then maybe you're better off in the long run. Sometimes SOs also get jealous when a mate is in NS for various reasons. People often become more confident, assertive etc and then you spend a lot of time with your classmates.

I know it hurts right now, but there are other people out there who will appreciate you and who won't run at the first hint of difficulty.

carriesm8 · May 18, 2008

How we handle stress speaks volumes about who we are. You made a choice about how you were going to let the stress of NS affect you. You were completely "yourself", and if your ex is a smart woman, she knows this.

I used to believe that you never really know a person until you see them in an extreme. People from day to day may seem like good individuals but if you put them in a circumstance like say, a burning plane, one may step on children to get out while another wants to help others out first. That is who they really are, and that may not be visible in day to day living.

But nursing school is a more chronic extreme that takes a toll over a period of time. I witnessed many of my classmates breaking under stress and i dont think they "chose" to be that way nor do i think it "speaks volumes" of who they are. I hope you dont hold your patients to such a standard for how they handle stress because when you are sick or in pain, you will not be yourself, and should be forgiven for any undesirable behaviors exhibited during that time. I am not comparing myself to a sick patient, but rather demonstrating that how we handle stress doesnt always "speak volumes" about who we are. Thanks for the input, but id rather not give up on my love just yet.

carriesm8 · May 18, 2008

I know it hurts right now, but there are other people out there who will appreciate you and who won't run at the first hint of difficulty.

Thank you WitchyRN, i hope i can one day see it that way. Otherwise i will beat myself up for quite sometime for not being able to handle it all.

KarynicaRN · May 18, 2008

i am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you.

when i first started rn school, the don told us that she expected there to be several divorces, several pregnancies and was she right. nursing school and the lack of money after can cause a severe strain on any relationship.

i wish you the best and hope she will understand and come back to you.