I have been in nursing since 1992, and last year moved from an LPN to an RN. My true love and i got together just before i started the 1 year program and we were great! We had known each other for 15 years prior. Also, she lived in another state during this time.
The stress of nursing school (as well as being broke since i couldnt work as much) was so heavy on me, that i was not the easiest person to get along with. I was certainly not myself at all and after i graduated, she decided we should break up. I wanted her to understand that i wasnt myself because the pressure was like walking around with an anvil around my neck for an entire year. There were 3 divorces in my class as well during that year. If my fellow nurses could describe just how much pressure we are under, maybe she could forgive me and give me another chance. I have taken care of people for 16 years and i am devastated to have lost my true love in the process.
Specializes in med-surg 5 years geriatrics 12 years.
I'm sorry things are going so badly for you ; I agree with the others....maybe it just wasn't as strong a relationship as you believed. I am married to the same guy I started with. Had 3 teenage kids when I started school. In my initial interview with school I was warned that by virtue of educating myself I would change; and sometimes SOs could not handle the change. We saw several breakups during school. I was a lucky one. When I passed on my fears about losing our relationship during the process, my spouse told me if I really wanted to do it I couldn't let him or the kids or anything else stand in the way. I went for it. Got my degree and this year we hit the 39 year mark. I truly am the lucky one !!
While I don't think you should beat yourself up, I do get the impression that you may be avoiding taking responsibility, as evidenced by the title of this thread, as well as the sentiment that you "weren't yourself".
It takes two to make or break a relationship. Until you are willing to own up to your part in breaking this one, rather than placing the blame on nursing school, you have not learned a thing.
Yet somehow, my relationship with my SO is as strong as ever. Maybe it has something to do with how I treat him, and that I never use the inhuman amount of stress I have in my life as an excuse to treat him poorly.
The title of this thread is like the title of an article in a newspaper or a short story. It is meant to be catchy and not necessarily literal. I know that many people allowed the strain of nursing school to affect their relationships. It is a very common notion known by professors and students alike. People arent themselves in nursing school. They have to pull all-nighters every single week. Their lives revolve around pre-clinical work and the next exam grade. They all have all A's just to get into a program, so a lot is riding on their success. It is a stress like no other.
At the end of the day however, of course i am to blame. She may be equally to blame as well, but since it is I who is named "Heartbroken", of course i accept the responsibility for it. I was so afraid of the difficulties i was facing that i rushed us into our love in the midst of them, not knowing the toll they would take on my judgement and psyche. I was responsible for the timing. I should have waited.
I thought nursing school brought my husband and I closer together. We both moved to a far away state where neither of us knew anyone. He took a job as a janitor (despite 3 degrees) since it was all he could find. He'd quizz me on my classes to help me learn. We qualified for government food handouts and existed on that big block of cheese, bag of rice and jar of honey for a long time.
Many people from my class ended up divorced. Many got pregnant and then got divorced. Few are in nursing anymore.
You'll have to decide if the relationship can be salvaged or if you need to move on. Best wishes to you.
OP, I don't want to sound like a downer here, but she may not want to come back. As painful as that is, you may have to face that hard truth. We can't make someone want to be in a relationship and sometimes by trying too hard to convince them, we push them away even more.
This may be the hardest thing you've had to do, but I think you may need to back away from her a little bit and have the attitude that if it is meant to be, things will work themselves out.
husker_rn, RN
417 Posts
I'm sorry things are going so badly for you ; I agree with the others....maybe it just wasn't as strong a relationship as you believed. I am married to the same guy I started with. Had 3 teenage kids when I started school. In my initial interview with school I was warned that by virtue of educating myself I would change; and sometimes SOs could not handle the change. We saw several breakups during school. I was a lucky one. When I passed on my fears about losing our relationship during the process, my spouse told me if I really wanted to do it I couldn't let him or the kids or anything else stand in the way. I went for it. Got my degree and this year we hit the 39 year mark. I truly am the lucky one !!