Telling Patients/Residents You Love Them?

[robynnel]

I recently started working in a LTC memory care/dementia/alzheimer's unit and last week we had an inservice on caring for patients/residents and during that inservice we were told that our facility encourages you to say the patient/residents' name regularly and also tell them that you love them every day because it brings them joy. Would you feel comfortable telling a resident/patient you love them? I am just trying to get other opinions because others I work with said it sounds odd. (I should add: I am one of three people who work full-time on my unit, everyone else is part-time or PRN so I am usually on the unit 5-6 days a week and have very strong bonds with my residents, so telling them I love them isn't really an issue for me).

[elkpark]

Oh, he!! no. (Of course, I would never be willing to work in a "memory care"/dementia setting, so it wouldn't be an issue. Maybe that is a perfectly reasonable expectation of the staff in those kinds of settings, I don't know.)

[JustBeachyNurse, LPN]

Nope. This is not my family. Terms of endearment is are saved for those who are dear to me.

[quazar]

Yeah, that feels creepy, wrong, and very much overstepping boundaries to me. Not to mention forced bonding type stuff. Ick.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Nope, Nada, No way. And IF my loved one were in a facility where staff said this to them, I would lose my shizz

[quiltynurse56, LPN, LVN]

I work in LTC and when I have a resident tell me they love me, I will tell them I love them back. Staff in these facilities are like family to the elderly and you do form bonds with them. Think of this kind of love as brotherly love which is different than the type of love we feel for family and close friends.

[GM2RN]

I could imagine doing it with specific patients that I'd gotten to know and felt close to, but not as a matter of routine to all patients.

[Sage611]

I think you can show true affection in your acts and deeds, without necessarily telling them you love them. I am not a nurse yet, but I was a hygienist for many years. I did bond with some patients, seeing them bi-annually year after year. I would hug them, hold their babies, ask about their sick dogs, send them sympathy cards if they lost someone dear. I probably breached the line of professionalism by doing so, but I also know that we are social creatures and some people really benefit from that interaction. I do not believe in feigning affection. I feel that's disingenuous. But, a pat on the hand, listening to a story, or just showing you care as a person can greatly impact a patient's health.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Would you feel comfortable telling a resident/patient you love them?

Nope...telling people you love them when you really don't is disingenuous. It is outright unethical to lie to our patients/residents.

By the way, I worked as a nurse in the LTC setting for six years and was never once asked to tell the residents that I loved them.

[Cricket183, BSN, RN]

I would find this completely uncomfortable. I also think it crosses all kinds of ethical and professional boundaries. I worked inpatient oncology and grew very close to many of our patients and their families. Our leukemia patients would be with us for 6-8 weeks for induction chemo. Then when they returned for subsequent chemo, they would there for several more weeks as they recieved chemo, hit nadir, and waited for bone marrow recovery. Other cancer patients were also in for frequent admissions or extended periods of time. You develop close bonds but these are nurse-patient relationships not familial or even friendship bonds. I have been known to tell patients, "It has been a joy getting to know you and your family." Or "It has been a pleasure being your nurse."

I would find it weird for a nurse taking care of one of my family members to tell them they loved them even in a LTC setting. I think a better response to a dementia patient who is saying "I love you." (And who may be confusing their nurse with a family member) might be to say "I love being your nurse and providing care for you." Your validating their feelings and reorienting them at the same time. Just my opinion.

[SmilingBluEyes]

No!!! Wrong on so many levels.

[ScientistSalarian]

What?? No. Not only is that a completely bizarre expectation, it's totally inappropriate, unprofessional, and ethically squishy. I don't know if it's somehow more acceptable in a LTC memory unit, but hearing that directive in the workplace - any workplace, really - would make me incredibly uncomfortable. Boundaries, people!